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Comment by Kar on October 15, 2013 at 8:34am

LOVE to you allllllll -   Thinking of all of our children that deserved more time here with us!!!!!  HUGssss

Comment by Teresa D. on October 15, 2013 at 5:52am

Dawn enjoy meeting Stephen's daughter.  I would give anything for some girl to knock on the door and introduce me to a child that belongs to Michael.  Dawn one day you will sit and tell them all about their dad.  You can tell them who he was and what he was like. 

Dolly I sometimes wonder too.....are our kids in heaven, saying Hey that one is my mom.

I won't lie I melted down yesterday, but today I'm going to work real hard on getting focused. 

Anne, I find myself asking the same question, What do I do now? 

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 14, 2013 at 10:00pm

Anne,

As usual in the morning as soon as I wake up, i come here and see what everyone is saying and how they are feeling. I then went to do the dusting and was in my bedroom, where i have a framed pic of my son smiling at me. Next to that is a small calendar which has daily sayings but no 'year' on it and I had got that when I went to get my son's things back from Dubai where he was working when the accident happened and he passed on.Everyday I take it as a message to me when i flip the page and see whats it for the day.. Today it said, " A mother is a picture of God's Love"... I hope this answers our questions..It was so appropriate to my thoughts at the moment and this happens almost everyday that the train of thought and questions which spring forth find answers.. love to all here.

Comment by Karen R. on October 14, 2013 at 8:55pm

Hey Anne, I have asked myself many of your same questions, I'm sure many of us on this site have, I wish there was an answer, we are all on this journey together but we may take short cuts or different roads, there is no concrete route for us to stick to, no one can judge the way someone grieves. I still have more, than not, moments of guilt when I realize that I'm having "fun" or if I laugh at a funny joke, I still can't dance, something I once enjoyed, without feeling guilty, I imagine that my son is saying "hey, mom, what about me, what are you doing?". And other times, to move forward, I convince myself that my son can't handle seeing me in all this pain and grief, so I pretend that he's "fine" and that this was all my imagination, just crazy examples of this roller coaster ride I've been on. None of us signed up for this crap, we just have to take on the day, day by day, somehow we get through the day.

Comment by Karen R. on October 14, 2013 at 8:37pm

Hello everyone, Dawn, I hope all went well with you meeting his daughter, what a blessing, one that I wish I had, sending hugs to you and all.

Comment by anne on October 14, 2013 at 5:12pm

None of this will ever be ok. It will always be painful, heart wrenching, and unbelievable. I wont forget, I will never be the same, and I will always yearn for my children. On Oct. 17th my little boy will be gone for 15 years. I cant change it, I cant bring him back, and I will always miss him, and wonder what kind of person he would've gown into. That's the reality of it. So what do I do? Stop living, stop taking care of the children that are still with me? People don't want to talk about it, and they don't care how far I have come. So what do I do? No one wants to hear about the good stuff or the bad stuff. So someone please tell me what I am supposed to do? Would my sons want me to live the rest of my life in grief, and sadness? Absolutely not. If I'm not grieving than I must not have loved them enough? Where do I go from here? Why is it so wrong to have hope? Is it realistic to think that I can survive under this cloak of tragedy? Am I a bad mother because I choose to find positive ways to survive? Please tell me, because i'm not getting it.

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 14, 2013 at 8:41am

Today is Labor Day . I think of the birth of our children, where ever they are. It feels like Kyra has been gone far longer than e
8 weeks, My heart breaks my body sweats each morning When I first wake up. My husband has been away since Friday and will be back on Wednesday. My kind best friend who lost her daughter ten years ago invited me to stay at her house. She has been my life-saver.
I want to see a medium but I think my pain is still too raw to be helped. I want to believe she is happy and safe but I sometimes question is she. Thank you all for listening, and giving me hope.
Everyday is so hard

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 14, 2013 at 8:28am

Teresa, its so nice to hear your description of Micheal.. I Love him and how blessed that such angels share our life with us.. I am sure he is always going to be there for you..love's promises are never empty so I know that you will feel his love always and he will always have your love as his cloak around him... hugssss

Comment by Teresa D. on October 14, 2013 at 8:12am

I wish your husband the best Dolly.

Dick, just want you to know I'm thinking of you and your son today.

The last 13 months feels more like 13 minutes.  Just like everyone else I am struggling.  Sometimes I just want to shut down. I try to tell myself to snap out of it, but it's not easy.  Some days I cry but feel good overall and some days like today the pain in my neck and the sickness in my stomach can be overwhelming. Yet everyday I tell myself tomorrow will be better and I'm going to reach a day when I can think of Michael with happiness and not tears.

Michael looked like a tough guy and maybe he was, but he had a personality bigger than life.  No matter where he was he made everyone around him laugh and feel as though they knew him.

He had a heart of gold.  He would lend a hand to those who needed it.

He loved his family and those around him. He was Uncle Mike to all the neighborhood kids.  He was the older brother his cousin didn't have. He was his sister's protector.   He was my little Smurf.

We were very close. We talked about everything all the time. The day he left we talked for 2 hours going from one subject to the next.  He told me what he wanted in his future.

At the end of the conversation he said to me "Don't you ever get it wrong....you were always number one and you will always be my number one!" I can hear him saying the words.

In closing I told him, "If anything every happened to you or your sister I'd never be able to breathe again." He responded with, "the same here Mom." We said I love you and hung up.  I haven't been able to breathe since.

Now I reflect and I feel like God gave me that conversation as a good bye. 

Today is 13 months. I miss him so badly.  I just want to talk to him. I want to see his smile. 

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 14, 2013 at 7:21am

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. -Oscar Wilde

 Dolly, i really know ..just want us to mmm beat this loss with love.We have to and we must because isn't it true that the love we have given is the only love we get to keep?

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