Comment

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 16, 2013 at 2:28am

I wonder too Adrianne.. its so out of character for them to maintain silence-- !

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on October 16, 2013 at 1:43am

Ammy I have missed you. Karen also. I wonder also if anyone notices when I'm gone. I think we really need the support we find here. It doesn't matter as much the content of the post. More the acknowledgment that we understand the grief we experience is something we aren't alone with. Sad that we need others that have lost a child to help us with some peace. You are all in my heart. I hurt for us all. I just want to hear from my son. I really don't know why they can't speak to us somehow.

Comment by Vasanthi S on October 15, 2013 at 10:24pm

Anne, I left a message on your blog.. hugsss..

Ammy, of course you are always in prayers and thoughts.. all are, sometimes naming everyone  and unfortunately we are so many.. is difficult .. i read your 'vilomah' post.. yes it is heartrending, yes we are facing the worst  on a daily basis , but we are trying are we not to somehow live well? 

We have to swim against the current but then only dead fish swim with the stream.

 love to all..

Comment by Karen R. on October 15, 2013 at 10:06pm

Hello dear Ammy, sorry but I would have noticed if I had been on, just recently found the strength to check back in, a million thanks for thinking of me, I also wish you a peaceful night/day.

Comment by Karen R. on October 15, 2013 at 10:03pm

Hey Anne, speaking for myself, I surely was NOT offended by anything you said, this is your journey as I said before, sending hugs.

Comment by Ammy on October 15, 2013 at 7:56pm

Anne, don't ever feel bad about having a positive response.  In my first year those positive things I read from others helped keep me going.  Vasanthi even posts uplifting words.  I also try to bring some positive light when I can.  Especially to the ones that are new to this life.

Karen R, I am glad to see you back.  I was a little worried about you.

Dawn, I smile for you.  I hope you will be blessed with a loving relationship.

May you all have a peaceful night/day.

Comment by Ammy on October 15, 2013 at 7:48pm

Hello Moms.  I noticed that no one missed me.  Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.  I haven't been on this wall in some time.  Been stuck in one of the pot holes along this road we are traveling.  Seems to be taking a little longer this time to get out.

I've read most if not all of the comments and I'm always happy to hear a little something good that has happened with one of you.  And of course I feel sad reading the painful feeling comments.  I've been in them all at one time or another.  We all have or will during this journey.

I really like to post when I'm doing better.  I want others to know that there will be better days.  Slowly they come, and then quickly they go.  But for shorter periods of time usually.  I think we have to face the fact that this is our life now.  I know I do.  I thought it would just keep getting better and better until the bad parts disappeared, but I now believe we will always have those other episodes.  Maybe not as intense but how can we not.

I read an article today about a word for a grieving parent.  It's Vilomah.  A parent whose child has died.  I'm posting the article in my Discussions: Writings or Pictures to Ponder.

I don't know if any of you have looked there, but I am doing it for me as a kind of therapy and maybe something can help someone else to see that what they are feeling is not strange or abnormal for grief.

I could rattle on tonight being I'm in such a stressed state right now, but I won't.  Please say a prayer for me, as I always pray for all of you.  I definitely need some divine help right now.

Sending love and blessings to all.

Comment by anne on October 15, 2013 at 5:30pm

Dear Dolly,

Are you angry with me? Just asking because I feel bad that I spoke of positive things that have worked for me. I just want to help, and also help myself at the same time. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone. I didn't mean to. Honest.

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 15, 2013 at 5:09pm

My husband has been at his camp for four days with some of his friends.  Yesterday I was feeling lonely.  When I told me I was upset, he asked me why.  I wanted to scream at him "maybe because our daughter Kyra died eight weeks ago". Instead I broke into sobs and told him I couldn't talk to him now.  
Fortunately I was with a good friend who lost her daughter 10 years ago and understands completely.  We stopped at the beautiful field where Kyra's memorial service was and sat on the grass while I tried to regain the strength I had when everyone was there to comfort us.  She helped me with some breathing exercises and I calmed down. My husband thinks by pretending nothing has changed and refusing to talk is driving me crazy.  Thank god I have good friends and she a counselor.  I no we grieve differently but he seems like a stone. Tonight I go to meditation and that calms me too.  I just can't face never seeing her smiling face in the flesh again.

Comment by Karen R. on October 15, 2013 at 4:05pm

Boy oh boy, Dolly, you said it so perfectly when you said, " having to defend myself, even indirectly through silence and pretending to be OK... is just more than I can do .... or even WANT to do... and its NOT just that I'm focusing only on ME and my pain... its just that the fact that I will never see my son again in this life is SOOO traumatizing to me that nothing else seems to be able to dispel the helplessness and the confusion in this life I'm now in......", I know exactly what you mean, I get tired of trying to pretend that I'm "ok" just so others won't feel uncomfortable. It's amazing to me that some people, the "lay" people as I often refer them to, meaning the ones that have never had to bury their child, still are shocked with my answer for the occasional question , the "HOW ARE YOU?", which is I'm NOT good and when they ask me why, what's wrong and I remind them that my son son passed away, they respond with such a shocking look on their faces and say to me, coldly, " hasn't that been some years now, you're still not dealing with it?". Ooh how that makes me want to scream sometimes, I immediately burst into tears as I explain that I will never ' GET OVER IT'.  I still feel like I'm just existing, like I'm alive but not living, like I'm trying to follow the script to appear to be ok. Depending on my mood at that moment and who the person is, directs my comments back to them. Certain people I don't like to make them feel uncomfortable and others, I don't care. The lay people just don't get it, there's no laws or rules or time limits for your grief and mourning. Thanks to all on this site who unfortunately, GET "IT".

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