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Comment by Grace on October 18, 2013 at 8:58am

Wow...it has been a while since I have commented... Some days my box is so full of everyone one here... I just can not bear to read them all... so sad to know we have all lost a child.  Niles died in May of 2009... and I am still reading some of the post and thinking about those on here.... the other day I was driving and hear Elton John sing

"Daniel" and thought about Dick...(Who has not been on here in a while either).   In my dreams I begin to see my Niles as if he were still here... doing everyday things to only wake to again know that his cremains are in the drawer next to me.  I continue to think about my estranged relationship with my mother but can not put myself in the line of the toxic fire with them anymore... yet I find myself worried and with Pity that she has such a lonely and bitter end of life situation.  Anyway... I can not say that I have read every comment on here...there have been just too many... and we all know the pain of each of us..... PEACE

Comment by Teresa D. on October 18, 2013 at 5:46am

I try to tell Zenia the same thing Dawn.  There were things between me and Michael that were ours.  Michael never hung up the phone or walked away from me without saying "I love you".  He became a big strong man but yet when he came for the night he would let me (to an extent) treat him like he was my little boy. 

My daughter started to notice something I've been doing that I didn't notice.  I keep treating boys in the stores and on the street to things.  I buy them candy, water ice or simply give them money.  I don't know these kids and they didn't ask me for anything.  I didn't realize I was doing it until she pointed it out.

Comment by Karen R. on October 17, 2013 at 9:36pm

Hey Connie K. thanks so much, I'll take as many as I can get. Sending my hugs to all, I truly wish I could hug each and everyone one of you in person, I wish I could give everyone their child back and take all their pain away. In a perfect world, no one would ever know this pain.

Comment by Karen R. on October 17, 2013 at 9:32pm

Hello to all, Teresa D. I have had similar experiences with my other children. I was always a worrier but now, even more so, I hate that I do that to them as well, hopefully they learn to not hold it against us.

 

Comment by Connie K on October 17, 2013 at 12:15pm

Karen - sending you prayers today.

Comment by Lynn Williams on October 17, 2013 at 9:26am

When Do you begin to start letting the presence of your living children in your mind all I do is think about Kyra who is physically gone.  My other kids live so far away,  I will see them at Christmas but I need to be near them.  Before Kyra died all of them were in my mind, but now I just want Kyra here.  Is this normal. Help  

Comment by Teresa D. on October 17, 2013 at 5:56am

As moms we take the responsibility even if it is not really ours.  I know I feel guilty because Michael laid on that floor all alone.  He needed me and I wasn't there.

Dolly your description of Brandon's facial expressions is beautiful. 

Dawn....precious just simply precious. 

Michelle, we care about you right back. 

My daughter is 25 and when she didn't return to the house when I expected her to I became really upset.  When she came home I just starting yelling at her like a kid who didn't make it home by curfew.  In my yelling I blurted, "I already have one dead kid" I didn't mean too, didn't even realize I was saying it until I said it.  The next day she must have called me every 5 minutes to tell me where she was.  I shouldn't have done that to her.

 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on October 17, 2013 at 2:12am

I know Karen. I think of her often.

Comment by Karen R. on October 16, 2013 at 9:48pm

Hey Adrianne E., just wanted to say, I think like what Teresa D. said, that sometimes I just think that one of us may just be taking a break, for whatever reason. There have been many, many times, when I just check in and read postings and I don't comment, my heart is always with  you guys but I do appreciate any and all concerns of my absence, I haven't forgotten the loss of one of our members, I will never forget how she decided to end her pain, I wish she would have sought another intervention.

Comment by Michelle H on October 16, 2013 at 9:24pm

I want to reach out to everyone but I don't know what to say other than I care...

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