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Comment by Dolly on May 2, 2016 at 6:41pm

this picture was taken by his school aide and I think its her in his glasses but I don't know for sure.. we spent some time up on the mountain playing music today and felt close to him... but its never better really... just shoved back down in there somewhere waiting to spil l out again suddenly when I'm not expecting it...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKZKBPEfCMc

Comment by Connie K on May 2, 2016 at 6:31pm

Love to you Dolly. Love the pic <3

Comment by Jill E on May 2, 2016 at 12:10am

Dolly I don't mean to be asking something rude or to cause you more pain but I noticed a reflection in his sunglasses? Is that you?

Comment by Dolly on May 1, 2016 at 11:56pm

three years today... still seems like a nightmare I just can't wake up from...

Comment by Patty on May 1, 2016 at 7:05pm

Dolly, for me it's been almost 6 years but it seems like yesterday.  I, like you, say the same things over and over.  My husband and I both have many health problems since my daughter's accident.  He doesn't like to talk about it and I don't want to force it.  I wouldn't want to be forced to talk about it so I guess it's not fair for me to try to force him. I have this terrible feeling of aloneness too.  It's pretty constant and it doesn't matter whether I'm actually alone or not.  I believe we can't really "share" our pain with others.  No matter how we describe it the pain is as different as the relationship is different from any other.  Each is unique.  All we can do is try to understand the best we can.  

Comment by Jill E on April 30, 2016 at 11:56pm

Dolly-all I can say is we all understand. We all care...we are all here for you. Sending you my love and so much more.

Comment by Dolly on April 29, 2016 at 11:11pm

its almost May again.... and its no better ...3 years... I've run out of things to say... everything I feel is being said over and over by you all... I have nobody to talk to about how I feel but you all.. my husband will talk sometimes but he has had so many health issues since this all started that he can't deal with the death all the time .. he tries but there's days when he just stares and doesn't say a word... about anything... my family never paid any attention to Brandon when he was alive so nothing new there... my oldest son and his family were good to my guys but only had contact a couple of times a year so I can't really relate to them about it either even though they do know about personal tragedy first hand.. maybe none of us can really share our own pain with each other... anyway for whatever reason I always feel alone... and I haven't had any more remarkable 'signs' like I did at first.. BUT I still do smell lilies many days when there are no lilies anywhere around.. it always feels like a hug and /or a kiss from Brandon ... I'm trying to keep really busy til may is over...

Comment by Jill E on April 29, 2016 at 10:10am

I had the very first dream about Josh last night. It was horrible. Not a good dream. Thought I would remember it but I don't except I don't remember seeing Josh it was all about Sarah (daughter-in-law) and her Mom. Maybe because I talked some yesterday to my friend about Sarah (things she did without even talking to me about like turning off his life support)and her Mom. We don't have any relationship at all. She even said she was going to send me some of Josh's thing and still has not done it. I always wanted to dream about Josh -a good dream. WYWH My Joshie Everyday I miss you more and more. I love you.

Comment by Teresa D. on April 29, 2016 at 5:20am

Connie I appreciate the offer, I'm just not ready to do it again yet.  There was information she hit right on, but once she said that I was done.

This is such a hard journey.

Comment by Connie K on April 28, 2016 at 7:03pm

hi Teresa

I too was one of those people. My husband s sister lost a daughter at age 2. She had an epileptic seizure (they didn't know she had epilepsy) and vomited then was suffocated by the vomit. They found her in the crib . I was so young and remember now asking Paula, my sister in law if she wanted me to come!! I've never remembered her daughter's birthday or angelversary all these years. And now I realize why she never really got close to me. I'm ashamed but trying to rectify that now. They have 3 other children and that was 30 years ago so their lives seemed to go on smoothly. Recently I met with my niece and she is dealimg withthe way they DIDn'T deal with Dianne's death. Now at age 35 she is letting her grief out. It's all so complicated and sad. But now i can help her and allow her a place to express the feelings her parents never wanted to deal with.

I wish you could find a medium that gives you a truer reading. That just doesn't sound right.Maybe the medium was the one having a hard time!

I have someone I could refer to you who could do it over the phone and I know a few others here have really legit great mediums. It does give me comfort. It's the only way I can maintain is to think "He's just in another room..."

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