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Comment by Teresa D. on November 8, 2013 at 6:57am

Dawn your not alone.  I won't hurt myself but at the same time when my time comes I'll be ready because I know Michael and my dad will be there waiting for me.  So I'm very ok with it.

Happy birthday Lynn.

 

 

Comment by Grace on November 7, 2013 at 10:44pm

I am trying to do the Days of Thanksgiving... and trying to find things to be thankful for.... and this has been a difficult month... I took in a girl and her child and helped them financially and had them live with me... I worried that I would crumble with the small 4 year old child.... I had not had a child live here since my Niles died... and I worried to hear the familiar cartoons on the TV again....  But I was really ok... the child was sweet and I could tolerate Sponge Bob..... But unfortunately, the 22 year old mom was the bigger problem..... sad to say they needed to move out... and I feel sorry for the little girl being raised by a young Mom who has totally uprooted her child.....Sad situation all the way around..... but maybe a Thing to be thankful for is our grief in that... I really find myself re-evaluating relationships... and find that I have less tolerance for being abused by people.... And I am learning to cut ties when I feel used or abused by others.... be it a mother, brother or even this young gal...  Maybe Grief has given me a new back bone to stand up for myself?   Maybe it has also made me thankful that I have een able to be a good mother to Niles even though it was challenging... and even though I lost him... I tried to give him the best I could while he was here..... And I feel so sorry for this 4 year old... who is so bright and yet not allowed to shine... yet I have learned that I have no control of her and must maybe let go.    Sad.....

Comment by Karen R. on November 7, 2013 at 8:19pm

Beautiful pictures Vasanthi.

Comment by anne on November 7, 2013 at 7:41pm

I can honestly say that burying my children was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It has been the most painful, and the most time consuming horror that could ever be put on my plate. Those of you who are so new at this awful way of life, please be patient. I'm sorry to say that this kind of grief is the worst you will ever go through, but you do learn how to handle it in time. The good feelings will never be the way you felt before, but you will find your way. It feels like a life sentence, and in some ways it is. None of this is any of your faults. You did nothing to deserve this unreal pain. Your children did nothing to deserve to die. It's one of those things that we have no control over. I hate it. I hate not being in control of this thing called grief. I hate the fact that there are so many parents out there who have to suffer this incredible loss. I have lost many people, and things in this life, but losing my children was the worst. I'm sure many of you feel the same. I do believe in God. I do believe in miracles, but I don't believe God creates them. I believe we create them for eachother. I did blame God. I have cursed God with every fiber of my being, and many, many times. That's how I knew I believed in him. I figured how could I be so angry with God if he didn't exist? After a long time of pain, and terrible suffering I started really searching my heart, and my soul. I have a whole new view of God, and what he can, and can't do for me. I in my own way understand more about how it all works for me. But none of this happened until I went through the pain, sadness, the deep dark hole that the deaths of my children left in my heart, and soul. This is just my way of surviving without my beautiful boys. The way I have chose to live, and believe have given me the strength, and courage to continue even when my heart is breaking. I had no hope, no more dreams, and no will to live. Time, and doing things my way have brought me to where I am today. I want so much to take away your pain, but reality says I cant. All anyone can do is share with one another their pain, and grief, and hopefully one day their joy. The darkness needs to be shared so it can be reprocessed into light. There will always be tough days, but one day the light will shine so that when the bad days come they wont be so devastating. It takes a long time for this process. That's why I always say to be patient with yourself. Love will win out in the end. Peace, Love, and understanding to all! 

Comment by Grace on November 7, 2013 at 7:13pm

I say losing a child is PTSD for all of us...I have felt this too Dawn... it has been 4 Plus years and there are many days I still have those days.

Comment by anne on November 7, 2013 at 7:09pm

I know what your talking about Dawn. I cant remember what my therapist called it but, I had it for a long time. It does go away. It's part of the grief process. I know I keep saying this, but just give yourself some time. This part of grief comes and goes. Because of my PTSD I would go for 2 weeks at a time without showering or cleaning. Water on my body felt like fire. I had no want to clean, cook, or take care of anything including myself. When the pain got a little less I finally began to regroup a little at a time. The pain did get less for me, but that's me. Everyone is different. I hope it gets less for all of you, and you begin to find little things that will help you regroup. You just cant rush grief. It is very strong, as is love. It's a long struggle for anyone who has had to bury their child, but regrouping is not impossible.

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 7, 2013 at 11:42am

i do that too.. cook and clean n clean n then tv

Comment by Jane P on November 7, 2013 at 9:54am

I have been trying very hard to stay busy. It's the only thing that gets me through the day. Then I can come home and cry.

Comment by Jane P on November 7, 2013 at 9:53am

I also wish my life away.

There's no happiness anymore.

I miss that.

Comment by Jane P on November 7, 2013 at 9:51am

Dear Anne

I am in my eleventh month of grief. Your share has deeply moved me. I thank you for writing it. You give me hope that someday I might live again.

I am truly sorry for all that you have been through.

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