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Comment by Jane P on November 15, 2013 at 3:26pm

I miss my child so very much.

Comment by Jane P on November 15, 2013 at 3:22pm

Merry

That's hopeful news.

I'm happy for you.

Comment by Jane P on November 15, 2013 at 3:21pm

Oh Anne

That was beautiful.......

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 15, 2013 at 11:15am

I want to 'like' every single post here... it expresses all I feel, its amazing to feel this understood.. I am really indebted to you all here for sharing everything and even if I dont feel like posting sometimes, I keep reading every word and my heart is with you all...xoxoxoxox

Comment by Karen R. on November 15, 2013 at 10:21am

oops, typo....fucosing on HOW

Comment by Karen R. on November 15, 2013 at 10:20am

Lyn, you are so right about just focusing on our we will get through the day. Thinking about the months and years to come, throws me into panic mode also. I am still amazed how somehow, I manage to get through until the next day. I still have no acceptance of what has happened.

Comment by Teresa D. on November 15, 2013 at 5:26am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LIL DEL HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

And to everyone else that has a birthday this month.

 

Comment by anne on November 14, 2013 at 9:31pm

Taking days one at a time does have it's rewards!  Happy Birthday to my Lil Del! Today he would've been 28 years old. For weeks I've been saying he'd be 27. I insisted he was born in 1986. He was born in 1985 my husband proved it to me at the cemetery today. How could I have forgotten my own childs day of birth? I guess part of my heart didn't want to believe he'd be 28. It's really not that much difference, but to me I guess I subconsciously want to keep him young in my mind. Any way, I went to work, but I had to take care of a infant today who is the 10 week old blue eyed blonde baby of one of my sons good friends. I sure had a hard time keeping it together while holding this sweet child. She fell asleep in my arms, and I held her tight. All I could think was how sad I felt that I would never get any grandbabies from my son's. I love these babies, and I knew this little girl was coming to our daycare, but you just can't predict how your going to feel until you hold them in your arms. My husband, and I always go to the boy's grave on their birthdays. We buy a happy birthday helium balloon, go to the cemetery, sing happy birthday, and together let the balloon go, and watch till we cant see it anymore. We both cried. After the cemetery we went to the local restaurant(actually the only restaurant in town) , and had supper. This is our tradition every year, and it's always sad, and painful for me. I still go so that Lil Del knows how much we still love him. I had pizza, Pizza was lil Dels favorite. We sat, and talked about him, and shared some good memories. Not many people know we do this every year, but I like it that way. It makes it more of a special tradition for my husband, and I. I don't know whats worse. All of the worry before the birthdays or that awful pain in the pit of my stomach on the birthday?  Anyway 28 years ago today at this very minute I gave birth to a 9.5 lb baby boy. He had eyes that could light up a room, and a smile that made me wonder if that was love in his eye's or he's done something naughty I love you mom eyes! This little boy was so adventurous, and so excited about life. He also had a heart of gold. Yes he did fight with his siblings, and he just couldn't stand to see the other kids sitting quietly for too long, so he'd find a way to disrupt it. If one of us was hurt or sick Lil Del was the one to bring toys or do funny things to cheer ya up! He was the one who tried to build a campfire in the pig house, but he also was the one who would give up his coat for someone else. It's hard to believe he's been gone for so long. Today he'd be 28, and I can't picture him other than that 12 year old happy, sensitive, tough, rowdy little boy. Every night I pray for strength from God to keep me going until I too go to heaven, and hold them both in my arms. It's been a very painful day for me. I still have a really hard time with their birthdays. I suppose it will always be this way. I like to think the balloon somehow get's to heaven, and he knows it's from Mom, and Dad! I know that's not reality, but there's nothing wrong with dreaming, and wishing!  Happy Birthday my Little Buddy! I love you always, I think about you everyday, and your in my heart every second of every hour of every day! I miss you much Love Mom      Peace to all!

Comment by anne on November 14, 2013 at 8:44pm

Happy birthday Jane! If you hadn't been born, a lot of love, and tenderness would've been lost. I'm sad you have to go through the pain, and suffering, but I'm glad you were born, and I'm glad your my friend.

Comment by Lynn Williams on November 14, 2013 at 12:12pm

I need to stop thinking how I am going to get through my life or the next year.  Much to overwhelming and throws me into panic mode.  I need to focus on how I am going to get through a day at a time.

 

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