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Comment by Connie K on November 28, 2013 at 11:09am

It;s been such a difficult and emotionally draining week. So yesterday I did some deep meditating because I felt like I was going to have a breakdown. I couldn't quiet the chatter in my mind and find any peace with the dreaded anniversary of the accident. I prayed to see Daniel again and I felt his presence. I said I know you are with me but I so wish I could hug you again and feel you in my arms. Then This morning I woke up early but managed to go back to sleep. When I did I had the most vivid dream in which I was preparing to sing with my choir.  Before we started I saw Daniel there! And he came over to me and hugged and kissed me. It was so real, I can feel it now. I got to feel the love we shared like we used to - a real hug and a sweet kiss on the cheek from him, he laid his head on my shoulder. I just woke up about an hour ago right from the dream and I can't believe it. It is the most real and vivid dreams I've had. I had one before where he was a baby but usually they are so jumbled up. I feel like he really came through for a visit to give me the hug I so desperately needed today. Thank you Daniel . Thank you God. Now I have to hold it together enough to go sing because I miss him even more. But I know that he was saying that he would be with me when I sing today. If they sing the song I dreamed about I'm REALLY gonna be freaked out!! (we don't know the songs until we get there for rehearsal before service)

Dolly and everyone you are all in my heart and I will pray that your hearts can be open to receive love from God and surely your children will be with you in spirit. But I know how bad the longing is to have them physically with us. It's just so hard to be here without them and I wish you all some peace today.

Love to all

Comment by Teresa D. on November 28, 2013 at 8:34am

Debi, I'm so sorry you have to join us. HUGS HUGS and more HUGS.

Last year I was numb and very raw, this year I have to face the reality.

THANK YOU to all of you, including those who are silent. 

Comment by anne on November 27, 2013 at 8:42pm

Hang in there everyone. I will be home all day tomorrow so I will check up on here. My heart is with all of you, and I wish you all a peaceful, and easy thanksgiving. Well as easy as it get's anyway. Sending you all (hugs), and strength.

Comment by Michelle H on November 27, 2013 at 6:57pm

Unbelievably depressed. Sorry, Debi, that you had to be a member of a group that no one wants to join.

Blessed Thanksgiving to everyone here.

Comment by Connie K on November 27, 2013 at 6:35pm

Debi

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope we can all help each other through these holidays.

If anyone remembers, I am asking folks to light a candle in memory of my Daniel this Sunday night at 8pm. It is the 1st anniversary of his passing. I think he likes to see the candles lit for him!

Comment by anne on November 27, 2013 at 5:55pm

Welcome Debi!  I'm sorry you even have to join this group, but we are here for you.

Comment by anne on November 27, 2013 at 5:38pm

Oh Dawn, your not to blame. You have not failed. As parents we do the best we can. Lot's of people make bad choices in life. I have made a few of my own. The night before my Ben died he was drinking. Heavily. The following day we were to meet to baptize my grandson. Ben was hard to get a hold of that morning. My daughter picked him up. He had a terrible hang over. He got into her car, and did not buckle up. When the man driving the other vehicle hit my children the air bag deployed, and hit Ben in the chest, and caused him to aspirate. That's how he died. I used to think that had he had his seatbelt on, and did not have a belly full of alcohol from the night before he might still be here. I don't wonder about that anymore because it does no good for anyone. He's gone, and nothings going to bring him back so there's no point in letting it get the best of me. I don't believe that makes me a failure as a mother. Once our children become of age we can't stop them from making bad choices. All we can do is love them. Obsessing comes with the grief territory, just don't let it take you down too far, for too long.

Dear Ammy, the holidays are going to come, and go wether we like it or not. The only thing we can do about them is prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. To tell the truth I have only been with my daughters, husband, and 2 grandchildren for the holidays since my Ben died. I put together the best holiday I can for them, and roll with the flow. I guess I never want what's left of my own little family to think that I love them any less. My siblings, and parents don't care much for me anymore, and I am ok with that now. I will not ever force them to love me ever again. I tried for many years to get them to understand, but to no avail. So I just do the best I can, and that's all I can do. Sometimes I miss the whole family holiday thing, but I came from a family that could never get a long during the holidays so I feel that I'm not missing much. I'm not bitter, but I do have a bit of a hard shell when it comes to them. That's the only way for me to survive them! What I'm trying to say is to just do the best you can. No one should ask any more of you. The first holidays are the worst, but you will find your way through them. This Thanksgiving my husband, and I will be alone. One daughter is working, and the other lives 7hrs away, and my husband has to work on Friday, so I will make a good meal, and just be thankful for what I have, what I've had, and for hopefully the good yet to come. Whether you enjoy the holidays or not as long as you do the best you can I'm sure the next day will always be there. I have held onto the thought that there's always tomorrow for a long time, and it has served me well. I'm thankful for God, and I'm finally thankful for my life, the good, and I guess the bad too!  The song goes "I could've missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance", and I wouldn't have wanted to miss that dance for anything! Peace, and Love to all!

Comment by Lynn Williams on November 27, 2013 at 9:29am

Debi I am so sorry for your loss.  My 26 year old daughter died on the 17th of August this year.  I know what you mean about the rawness.

This will be the first holiday without her presence.  Thanksgiving was her favorite.  Dolly you are so full of love for everyone and deserve what ever praise comes your way.  I hope you are enjoying your oldest's son visit.  I am glad to be going to the grief counselor this morning I am feeling very fragile and lonely.  Tomorrow we will go to a friends for dinner. My other daughter and step sons are plane rides away so we will not see any relatives.  Dawn.. hugs, this time of year is so hard I can't wait to get through the dark inside days of winter up in Vermont.  

Connie thinking of you a lot this is the anniversary of your loving son's passing.  I am sending hugs, prayers, and kindnesses to you and all of us on this site.  

Comment by Debi M on November 27, 2013 at 8:09am

I just wanted to say hi. I've been lurking for quite awhile, not able to really add anything to any conversation. My 30 year old son died suddenly on August 6th of bacterial meningitis. It's still a shock. He leaves behind his wonderful wife, twin girls who will be 2 soon and an infant son. The loss is beyond words. I just wanted all of you to know that I have been reading the posts and praying for us all. Everything you all say is what I want to say. The holidays are going to be unbearable. I take my strength from all of you. I wish us all peace.

Comment by Dolly on November 27, 2013 at 7:52am

Teresa they sent me back the rough draft of the article being written about our family for the CAP book.. she did an amazing joy with the disjointed babbling I did over the phone... we had both been overwhelmed with anxiety just before she called on the day she took down the information for the article, and I couldn't stop talking and must have sounded like a lunatic, but she was able to pull it together somehow... I have to tweak it a bit because we sound better than we are... not sure how to express it, except we are just folks... folks with a love for this population, but we're not special.... I'm always frustrated when people say that we're special because I know we aren't.. I know all the skeletons.... but most of what she said is right on the money .. I'll tackle the changes after Thanksgiving... she's going to have a baby anytime so wants it done...

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