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Comment by anne on December 2, 2013 at 12:53pm

My experience has been that acceptance comes, and goes. As time goes by I have slowly succumb to acceptance. I got to that point after exhausting all other feelings, and emotions. For a while it was a back, and forth thing, but now it's more of a forth thing. Once I finally accepted the fact that I couldn't change what happened life got a bit easier. I didn't like it, and sometimes it still makes me angry, but for the most part it was a long hard road. A road that no one should have to travel, but then again we really didn't get a choice. I think I'm still here because I did go through all of the feeling, guilt, pain, and emotions, and along the way I learned how to release them safely. I like to throw things. I would go outside, and throw a ball at the fence as hard as I could. I punch my pillow, lay in bed, and kick, and scream. I don't do this much anymore, but every now, and then when all else fails I 

do things to let it out. I know these things are ways a child would throw a temper tantrum, but when I'm hurting I feel like a child. This worked for me. I guess what I'm trying to say is I had to find my own way of release. A way in which I'm safe, and so is everyone around me. Finding ways to release the pain, and anguish helps me be thankful to wake up everyday.

The holidays. Well I just roll with the flow. The things I can do, I will, and the things I can't do, I think twice about, and after a little thought if I can't handle it then I don't do it. The holidays will come, and go. If there's something I feel I can't do then maybe next year I can. There are holiday things I just stopped doing altogether. That's ok. I'm not the same person I was before, so I just do the best I can during the holidays, and every day. The only thing that really matters to me during the holidays is that I try to do my best for my own now little family, and be grateful for Jesus' birth. Everything else has become not so important to me. The star on the tree did glow for me again. I hope one day your holiday will glow once again also. Peace on Earth.

Teresa, this is just a suggestion, but instead of "he's not available" It might feel better for you to just tell them the truth "I'm sorry but he has passed away" When my Ben died I got a lot of phone calls for him, and I finally just ended up telling them that he passed away. I'm not sure why, but it helped me in a strange way. At first I didn't want to say it, but when I did I felt like I had released a little bit of pain.  I have had days where I wanted to shout it out to the whole world. Release that horrible pain in my heart, and soul, and just yell. It was good for me, but just a idea to run with in your own way.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 2, 2013 at 7:05am

Your not alone Dolly.  At times I get this overwhelming sense of fear even though I know the worst has already happened.  there's days I tell myself I can do this and then there's days I feel so lost and not sure who I am.

The holidays don't help. The hockey tournament is going to become my new Christmas, it's emotionally hard.  His friends list is filling up which is filling up my heart but making the tears come even more. 

Michael never had a facebook, he didn't want one.  He would say he had enough friends and didn't need a computer to meet new ones. 

Single females are sending notes and requests.  All I can do is ignore them because what am I suppose to say, "he's not available." 

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 1, 2013 at 4:28pm

Karima,

I cant really say welcome but yes , all of us here are there for each other and not for one moment did any of us even think of religion, race, caste etc.. though everyone has the right to draw strength from their belief system and we always support that... The 'medium' debate seems to have triggered something in you which made you assume that views are somehow being thrust on  others? That isn't so, we all just share whatever is foremost in our minds andget the help and understanding which we get from no other. Also if it appears that tempers run high sometime we treat it as a very natural part of being so raw inside. Everyone understands these minor flareups and we love each other more for being so human.. I am sorry , really sorry that your eldest son isn't here, please do feel free to share whatever you are going through and we are here for you.

Everyone.. just checking in to see how everyone is.. love to all.. we got back at 1 am last nite and am still kind of unwinding back home.Craig's family was very nice and warm, and I felt the inclusion immediately.. so my fears have been put to rest.. IKts December and I am flinching with each passing day:(

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 1, 2013 at 2:14pm

Thank you so much Sophia I needed to hear that right now.

Comment by Sophia on December 1, 2013 at 11:58am

The second Thanksgiving without Jimmy has come & gone. I miss him, his siblings, other family & friends miss him yet we all carry on with our lives. As a mother who has buried a child I feel an obligation to keep my first born child's, Jimmy's, memory alive. It comforts me whenever I get a call, see a friend of his or Facebook post remembering him & celebrating his all too brief life. Grieving has gotten easier in so far as I'm able to focus on work & other daily activities, I'm able to fall asleep & wakeup in the morning without having the thought "Jimmys dead, how do I get through the day? How do I go on living?" The first year & a half I was mearly going through the motions but now I'm finally starting to think about & consider my life without Jimmy. There's a fine line there but as cliche as it sounds, Jimmy would want me to carry on & smile once in a while. He loved his little sister & brother deeply & they deserve happiness in their lives. I'm relieved it's gotten a bit easier but as it gets easier I remind myself to not let his memory fade from his siblings & others thoughts. It is my responsibility to honor Jimmy & keep his memory alive. As time goes on I'll find new, different ways to do that.
I wish you all peace & some level of happiness.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on November 30, 2013 at 9:35pm

Another Thanksgiving gone by.  It still hurts.  Time in some ways has helped heal my heart but there are some days when it still shatters into pieces again. Missing my son today and everyday.  Sending hugs to you all.

Comment by Lynn Williams on November 30, 2013 at 9:50am

Karima I am so sorry for the loss of your eldest son.  Losing a child turns your world upside down.  I often don't know who I am anymore.  Its only been 3 1/2 months for me and the pain feels so intense everyday.  We are here to support each other with love and understanding.  We all our in different places in the grief journey, and travel different spiritual paths, but we are all mothers who have lost our precious children, that is what bonds us here.  Love and hugs to you and all of us on this site.

 

Comment by Teresa D. on November 30, 2013 at 8:48am

I'm open to anything anyone wants to share regardless of their belief system.  No of us were given a handbook on how to do this.  We all have to do what is right for us, even if it isn't right for someone else.

Karima, it saddens me to welcome you to the group.

Lynn I love to garden too. It is like therapy for me. 

 

 

Comment by Karen R. on November 29, 2013 at 10:37pm

Karima, I would like to welcome you here. I am so sorry for your loss. I also wish I had the answer to take our pain away. I agree with what you said, especially about no one having the right to judge or criticize your belief system.

Comment by Karen R. on November 29, 2013 at 10:33pm

Just saying hello to everyone and sending my love.

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