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Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on December 6, 2013 at 10:51pm

I'm finding it hard to respond. I'm here. Every day reading. Hurting for us all. When we hurt as deeply as we do life isn't just lived as it was once. We are vulnerable, extremely sensitive and aware of possibilities we once never dreamed we woukd have to endure. I never realized how insensitive friends and family could choose to be. Or, have they dismissed our loss as old news? It couldn't happen to them. Right?

Comment by anne on December 6, 2013 at 9:44pm

I need to vent badly. I talked to my mother today. My sisters 13 yr old dog passed away. My sister told me that now she knows the deep grief of losing a loved one. My mother repeated it today. I am livid. They compared the death of the dog to the death's of my sons. Who does that? Since when is the death of a dog more important or as painful as losing a child? They are going to have a funeral for the dog, but not a one of them came to help me bury my sons. Am I overreacting? Did I miss something along the way? Was her dog more important to my family than my child? My heart is deeply hurt. I feel like crawling into a hole. I can't believe my family would compare the loss of a dog to the loss of my child. When I looked at my sisters fb page there were over 17 comments about how sorry they are about the dog. When my children died I didn't hear from any of them. My cousins all expressed sympathy for the loss of the dog, and not a one gave me any support when either one of my boys died. How does a person forgive this kind of behavior? The deaths of my sons have been compared to many things but not a dog. I am hurt, and I am very angry. Here it is Christmas time. I work so hard to keep upbeat, and pleasant, and now this. Just when I think things are ok my family throws a monkey wrench into my recovery. We all love our pets as part of the family, but losing a dog is no where near close to losing a child. I don't even know what to say to them anymore. I wish I could tell all of them how hurtful they have been to me, and my little family. If I do go off on them then I am no better than they are, but this whole dog thing takes the cake. I'm so hurt I'm shaking. Please somebody tell me that the deaths of my sons is far more important than my sisters dog. I am crushed.

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 6, 2013 at 5:41pm

Beautiful Connie the poem gave me chills. You were meant to recieve this message

Comment by Connie K on December 6, 2013 at 5:20pm

This past week, I have been using my son's computer because I wanted to send out and receive messages  on his facebook. In looking for a password, I was going through his stickie notes. I found this poem. I don't know who wrote it, but I felt like it was coming straight from him and wanted to share it with you all.

Hello my friends,
Once again,
I'm here to speak of never ends.
Reality then slips to dust,
Onto this planet we were thrust.
And once we're here what do we believe?
Some choose to lie, to cheat, to deceive.
But love above will conquer all,
Tis all that will pick you up when you fall.
Forever we shall be
Forever you and me
And float into eternal abyss
And share that moment with a kiss.
As reality then turns to gray,
All that matters is this day.

Comment by Michelle H on December 6, 2013 at 11:26am

I haven't posted much lately but you're all in my heart and prayers during this holiday season. I'm sorry that new members have had to experience the loss of a child. And I'm sorry for those of us who have been on here for awhile. It still doesn't seem real somehow.

Comment by Connie K on December 5, 2013 at 12:09pm

What a gorgeous picture Lynn. No doubt in my mind that your beautiful daughter is with you, helping you through. I love that her favorite station came on! Crying is a release and shows how deep your love is. I need to cry everyday or my heart will explode.

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 5, 2013 at 11:23am

Today I was in my car listening to NPR and crying constantly wanting some sign Kyra is with me, when my car radio some how jumped to her favorite station that was programmed in. I didn't touch anything. I stopped crying and felt it was her,helping me.  As long as I keep crying everyday it seems to relieve the spells of terrific sadness and anxiety so I can function.

 

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 5, 2013 at 11:17am

The candle holders we made at my mother's grief club are beautiful.  I made copies of a photo of Kyra from two winters ago.  She used it as her Christmas card last year.the picture is surrounded by tissue paper and when the candle is lit, it looks like stained glass. I will burn my candle on Sunday. 

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 5, 2013 at 11:16am

December seems to be extra hard for all of us here..It will be 2 years this December 23rd.. I have to keep telling myself that I will have a quiet day and not let panic stricken , anxious thoughts enter.. Craig and me will spend the hols right here and do all the major cleaning and putting away and redoing of some areas.. we had enough of travelling and home seems to be the better option. I was just thinking that in distressing times like these, its better to be by myself , then even if i weep silently no one gets alarmed. If I start crying I cant seem to stop, so I am extra careful and just kind of stay centered on the thought that all must be fine. Other tensions seem magnified and I am dealing with it allby hoping that if I deal with it alone, no one needs to have all this @#@$$#$# loaded on them..i'm rambling!

Comment by Connie K on December 5, 2013 at 10:47am

Christmas is so hard. My Daniel left us on Dec 1,2012 and I know what you all mean. I am not doing Christmas the same . I can't I will do what i can and not worry about it. I love internet shopping now because I can stay home and take care of the family members I will shop for. I also found some beautiful little heart lockets for my little nieces that I will put a picture of Daniel in and their initial on front of it. Only if I feel something, am I going to do it. Last Christmas, we just skipped it. We went away for a few days to the beach north of Santa Barbara. You carry your pain where ever you go but it helped not being at home without him.

I want to remind everyone of the Compassionate friends Candle lighting this Sunday Dec 8 at 7pm, local time. I will repost info on Sunday. Good luck to all getting through the holidays. Hugs to all.

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