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Comment by Lynn Williams on December 20, 2013 at 11:25am

Dawn it's 4 months for me. My husband is also worried about my mental state. I am in my early sixties and retired from teaching. I go on walks with the dogs and run errands alone where I can cry without him knowing. I am sure it is hard for you because you have to hold it in all day at work. When you come home it's the only time you can let out the pain and emotions. Men are so different they think they need to hold it all in. They can't fix the problem and they can't fix us. I was a mom with my second daughter at 40 so she is only 23. I thought they would have each other when I died. I just want to live and see her married and maybe have a child. I think by the time I can find joy in something I will be 70. Mornings are the worst it is so hard not to think about her 24/7. Thinking of you all this morning and hope you have some moments of calmness and feelings of contentment.

Comment by Ammy on December 20, 2013 at 10:36am

Woke up this morning from a horrible dream.  So confusing, but a man was telling me that they got my son.  He said it was horrible what they (police) did to him, but didn't explain.  Not the kind of dream we wish for.

Dawn, what you are going through is normal.  Really. Especially when we count the weeks, months in the beginning.  And maybe we never stop counting.  I counted the weeks and months up to 3 years.  I still will look to see how many have gone by at times, but I stopped posting it on his FB because my daughter told me she didn't think it was a good thing for me to do.  So I told her I would try to stop.  I still cry at the smallest things sometimes.  You learn to accept it and allow it.  The tear time gets shorter.

Dolly, I don't know how my husband puts up with me.  He is always the punching post for me.  I am rude and snappy with him almost every day and as soon as I do it I feel bad, but I guess I know he will tolerate it.  He does complain sometimes that I'm always treating him badly.  It's just all the holding in, and I need to let my frustration out and he's my outlet.  If only I could stop and think before I react..

I'm sorry about Chaz's uncle.  It does seem true that each new passing affects us more.

Thinking of you all even id I don't mention your names.  Praying we all have some relief today.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 20, 2013 at 5:47am

I was on shut down yesterday.  I am overwhelmed with so much right now.  I just can't handle everything all at once like I use to.

Last night was a moment....one of my cousins who lost a child and came to my side when I lost Michael called me last night in tears.  She took on the mother role with me and gave me the comfort my mother couldn't.

Funny thing was all I could say to her were the same words she would say to me.  She thanked me for giving her comfort at a down moment.  I told her don't thank me because all I'm doing is telling you your own words back.  She realized that was true and we laughed taking the conversation to a different place.

Holidays are hard for us all.  It's not so much the holiday for me but the focus on family.  That is what hurts my heart.

It's not even here yet and I am emotionally drained yet again.  This is so exhausting.  

Comment by Dolly on December 19, 2013 at 5:36pm

Every little thing makes me get upset and angry too.... and then the tears... any little change in the routine... any unexpected visitor... it all just makes me topple

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 19, 2013 at 4:20pm

Same here Dawn.. every little things makes me weep.I am feeling quite overwhelmed by everything.

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 19, 2013 at 10:42am

Comment by Dolly on December 19, 2013 at 12:47am

I watched a cute Christmas movie tonight called Prancer.. silly film in many ways but a sweet overall message... it did help me feel a little better today...

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on December 19, 2013 at 12:35am

Thank you for the responses. I really feel alone. I'm sure most of us do. Mourning isolates.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 18, 2013 at 6:19pm

Just reading everyone's posts. I'm emotionally exhausted once again. 

Ditto: I also wish a Peaceful Christmas to all!

Comment by Jane P on December 18, 2013 at 1:33pm

Please God, have a little mercy on all of us here.

We really need some "time out".

This hurts so much all the time.

We are tired.

Help us, please.

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