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Comment by Ammy on December 22, 2013 at 7:58pm

Dawn, I'm sorry they disappointed you.  Things certainly do change after you have lost a child.  I haven't been able to figure it out, but I think they are scared of us.

I, myself, am usually hoping everyone will leave after 4 or 4 hours.  By then I'm emotionally exhausted with acting like everything is the same old normal.  I have a new normal and I just pretend longer than that.

3 more days to get through and I think we will all feel a little less stressed.  I can't wait.

Hope you all can relax a little.

Comment by Mikad on December 22, 2013 at 11:15am

Im so over Christmas , Every time I hear a Christmas Carol on the radio , I turn it down . I have become a stranger to my friends . I no longer see them , let alone hear of them. I guess the mere thought of being with me is depressing . I dont know , and I dont bother asking them either. To me , they were not friends to start with . Now that I think of it , the friends I had , not one have had a death in the family . They all have their parents , and children so I guess Im too heavy on there shoulders. This is why , I have become a recluse . I see no one , except my son C, and he is worried about me. He can see I have withdrawn from so many things in life. I know there are a lot of people on here that its their first year without their loved ones. My prayers and thoughts are always with you. God help us all , in our darkest times. We so need the guiding light of Gods comfort . Take care all ...

Comment by Teresa D. on December 22, 2013 at 10:53am

Debi, my condolences to you and your family.  Losing a pet for some of us is like losing a member of the family. 

I've just been reading everyone's posts.  Not much to say right now because everyone is saying it. 

Dolly flood away!

Comment by Debi M on December 21, 2013 at 9:10pm

On top of losing my son 4 months ago, I had to put my dog down yesterday.  This grief just keeps growing. My pain is just too much right now. My daughter is inconsolable.  Please God bring us peace.

Comment by Dolly on December 21, 2013 at 4:42pm

I'm sorry if I flooded the room with too much trying to find Christmas... I so want to feel the joy again....

Comment by Teresa D. on December 21, 2013 at 4:15pm

Wow! We are in such a hard place right now.  All I want for Christmas is a moment of peace for us all.

Comment by Ammy on December 21, 2013 at 9:31am

I don't know if we ever find Christmas as we knew it before.  Do we ever find any holiday the same as before?  I don't think so.  Part of us is always missing.  Reality.  We just have to learn to get through.  Sad way to live but it's our way.

Loving thoughts to all as this most wonderful day approaches and we are not able to fully appreciate it as we did before.  May the good Lord have mercy on us all.

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 20, 2013 at 2:37pm

Ammy, what you said about being rude and snappy with your husband I understand so well. While yours understood, mine didnt..I said things which made him feel that i tore him to shreds,,, and it escalated into a cold war going on rt now. I dont know how to make things better, it only gets worse.23rd is the day my son passed away 2 years ago.. I think that in trying to keep it all together, the intense gnawing pain has just made me lash out.. wish he could understand its not him or my feelings about him. I know he hasn't had any children and it must be difficult for him to comprehend that this kind of pain isn't easy at all..no pain is and this one is everything magnified a 100 times... the last 3 days I have been crying and crying when I am alone.. now tomorrow on he has leave for 12 days.. I'm really scared of the anger I have unleashed in him,,2day he went to work without taking his lunch which I make everyday so that he eats home food, which he needs healthwise also.We did not sleep at all last night and around 3 am I went to where he was sitting and asked him to come to bed. He was very angry, didnt listen and in the morning I found him on the couch. I was so tired but i made a proper lunch for him to take but when I heard him leave and then got up I saw that he has left it untouched. I miss my son a thousand times more on such days.. I'm dreading the 12 days holidays and I feel like telling him to please show some 'mercy' as my son dies ...just 2years ago.just yesterday:(..

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 20, 2013 at 11:25am

Dawn it's 4 months for me. My husband is also worried about my mental state. I am in my early sixties and retired from teaching. I go on walks with the dogs and run errands alone where I can cry without him knowing. I am sure it is hard for you because you have to hold it in all day at work. When you come home it's the only time you can let out the pain and emotions. Men are so different they think they need to hold it all in. They can't fix the problem and they can't fix us. I was a mom with my second daughter at 40 so she is only 23. I thought they would have each other when I died. I just want to live and see her married and maybe have a child. I think by the time I can find joy in something I will be 70. Mornings are the worst it is so hard not to think about her 24/7. Thinking of you all this morning and hope you have some moments of calmness and feelings of contentment.

Comment by Ammy on December 20, 2013 at 10:36am

Woke up this morning from a horrible dream.  So confusing, but a man was telling me that they got my son.  He said it was horrible what they (police) did to him, but didn't explain.  Not the kind of dream we wish for.

Dawn, what you are going through is normal.  Really. Especially when we count the weeks, months in the beginning.  And maybe we never stop counting.  I counted the weeks and months up to 3 years.  I still will look to see how many have gone by at times, but I stopped posting it on his FB because my daughter told me she didn't think it was a good thing for me to do.  So I told her I would try to stop.  I still cry at the smallest things sometimes.  You learn to accept it and allow it.  The tear time gets shorter.

Dolly, I don't know how my husband puts up with me.  He is always the punching post for me.  I am rude and snappy with him almost every day and as soon as I do it I feel bad, but I guess I know he will tolerate it.  He does complain sometimes that I'm always treating him badly.  It's just all the holding in, and I need to let my frustration out and he's my outlet.  If only I could stop and think before I react..

I'm sorry about Chaz's uncle.  It does seem true that each new passing affects us more.

Thinking of you all even id I don't mention your names.  Praying we all have some relief today.

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