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Comment by Ammy on December 22, 2013 at 8:08pm

Vasanthi, how are you doing?  Give a shout out.  Okay?

Comment by Ammy on December 22, 2013 at 8:08pm

Teresa, Debi, Mikad, Dolly,  I hear all of you.  Wish there was an answer for us to make things easier, but the only thing I know of is just getting through right now and not looking forward.  Remember, one step at a time, one breath at a time.  It's so much harder when we try to go too far down the road.  As hard as it is, try to stay in the now.

I am also exhausted lately and it has been hard to not think ahead, but I've been doing pretty well with it.  Just when the family starts talking about it or someone wants to come visit, then I get stressed. 

As always...you all are in my prayers, in my thoughts and in my heart.

Comment by Ammy on December 22, 2013 at 7:58pm

Dawn, I'm sorry they disappointed you.  Things certainly do change after you have lost a child.  I haven't been able to figure it out, but I think they are scared of us.

I, myself, am usually hoping everyone will leave after 4 or 4 hours.  By then I'm emotionally exhausted with acting like everything is the same old normal.  I have a new normal and I just pretend longer than that.

3 more days to get through and I think we will all feel a little less stressed.  I can't wait.

Hope you all can relax a little.

Comment by Mikad on December 22, 2013 at 11:15am

Im so over Christmas , Every time I hear a Christmas Carol on the radio , I turn it down . I have become a stranger to my friends . I no longer see them , let alone hear of them. I guess the mere thought of being with me is depressing . I dont know , and I dont bother asking them either. To me , they were not friends to start with . Now that I think of it , the friends I had , not one have had a death in the family . They all have their parents , and children so I guess Im too heavy on there shoulders. This is why , I have become a recluse . I see no one , except my son C, and he is worried about me. He can see I have withdrawn from so many things in life. I know there are a lot of people on here that its their first year without their loved ones. My prayers and thoughts are always with you. God help us all , in our darkest times. We so need the guiding light of Gods comfort . Take care all ...

Comment by Teresa D. on December 22, 2013 at 10:53am

Debi, my condolences to you and your family.  Losing a pet for some of us is like losing a member of the family. 

I've just been reading everyone's posts.  Not much to say right now because everyone is saying it. 

Dolly flood away!

Comment by Debi M on December 21, 2013 at 9:10pm

On top of losing my son 4 months ago, I had to put my dog down yesterday.  This grief just keeps growing. My pain is just too much right now. My daughter is inconsolable.  Please God bring us peace.

Comment by Dolly on December 21, 2013 at 4:42pm

I'm sorry if I flooded the room with too much trying to find Christmas... I so want to feel the joy again....

Comment by Teresa D. on December 21, 2013 at 4:15pm

Wow! We are in such a hard place right now.  All I want for Christmas is a moment of peace for us all.

Comment by Ammy on December 21, 2013 at 9:31am

I don't know if we ever find Christmas as we knew it before.  Do we ever find any holiday the same as before?  I don't think so.  Part of us is always missing.  Reality.  We just have to learn to get through.  Sad way to live but it's our way.

Loving thoughts to all as this most wonderful day approaches and we are not able to fully appreciate it as we did before.  May the good Lord have mercy on us all.

Comment by Vasanthi S on December 20, 2013 at 2:37pm

Ammy, what you said about being rude and snappy with your husband I understand so well. While yours understood, mine didnt..I said things which made him feel that i tore him to shreds,,, and it escalated into a cold war going on rt now. I dont know how to make things better, it only gets worse.23rd is the day my son passed away 2 years ago.. I think that in trying to keep it all together, the intense gnawing pain has just made me lash out.. wish he could understand its not him or my feelings about him. I know he hasn't had any children and it must be difficult for him to comprehend that this kind of pain isn't easy at all..no pain is and this one is everything magnified a 100 times... the last 3 days I have been crying and crying when I am alone.. now tomorrow on he has leave for 12 days.. I'm really scared of the anger I have unleashed in him,,2day he went to work without taking his lunch which I make everyday so that he eats home food, which he needs healthwise also.We did not sleep at all last night and around 3 am I went to where he was sitting and asked him to come to bed. He was very angry, didnt listen and in the morning I found him on the couch. I was so tired but i made a proper lunch for him to take but when I heard him leave and then got up I saw that he has left it untouched. I miss my son a thousand times more on such days.. I'm dreading the 12 days holidays and I feel like telling him to please show some 'mercy' as my son dies ...just 2years ago.just yesterday:(..

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