Comment

Comment by Jane P on December 26, 2013 at 7:33am

Dawn

Just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.

I know that must have really hurt you. I'm sorry.

Comment by Jane P on December 26, 2013 at 7:30am

Our hearts are with you today Teresa.

All day.

What a great honour for your child.

Be proud.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 26, 2013 at 5:48am

My heart is with you all.  Today is the tournament. My stomach is a mess.  Today is my Christmas. 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on December 26, 2013 at 12:32am

Dawn
I'm so sorry.
I thought of you all today. Who would have dreamed Christmas could be so painful.

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 25, 2013 at 3:24pm

Mikad hope you had a wonderful day with your son and Merry enjoy your family this afternoon

Comment by Lynn Williams on December 25, 2013 at 2:25pm

Today is a painful reminder of Kyra's physical presence not being with us. I am thankful for my family visit in New Mexico. Seeing the sun everyday is so theraputic for the soul. My step-son Seth made a beautiful bound book of pictures of Kyra in New Mexico,as a gift to us. He also gave one to his children to remember their sweet auntie. We all cried a lot but there was also some laughter. I received a sign that Kyra was with us when I gave my grandson a large container of foam letters and numbers. When the bucket was moved off the hearth one letter was left on the hearth. Guess which one it was, the letter K. I know how much pain we are all in. Like all of you I can't believe I will not see my daughter's beautiful essence until I die too. Connie I am so sorry that you could not visit your family. Dealing with this grief is enough pain to endure. Beautiful ornaments Dolly of Brandon. Hugs to Vasanthi in MA far from home. Also hugs and peace to Ammy, Teresa, Michelle and all other grieving moms on this site. I thank you all for being here.

Comment by Connie K on December 25, 2013 at 1:38pm

merry christmas to everyone here. I have not been on the site this past week because I broke my arm rather severely and had to have surgery cuz I shattered the radius and it was a compound fracture (it came through the skin) I was in hospital for 4 days last week. Excruciating pain. Pain meds and antibiotics are making me nauseous. So hard to deal with the grief and something like this. i also work as a waitress part time and now that job is over because I will be out for so long and I needed to move on anyway and figure out what I can do with the rest of my life.

I just didn't expect it all to happen at once, the accident anniversary, Christmas, no job, broken arm??! no thanks. We had to cancel our trip back east the see my family and it is such a sad sad day. I feel horrible because I didn't do anything "for" Daniel except put out extra candles. And while I was in the hospital they were giving me dilaudid which is the drug they gave him during his 2 bouts of pancreatitis (from Crohn's Disease complications). He could nothing by mouth for 2 weeks  each time and had a feeding tube and this horrible strong pain killer. So many memories came flooding back of all the pain he had to endure those last few years, feeling what he felt just breaks my heart - what's left of it. It's all come back and it gives me new insight into his life and how trapped he felt by his constant pain. He had had 4 broken arms in his life, mainly because he wasn't absorbing his nutrients correctly because of the Crohn's Dsease. But he hadn't been diagnosed! We couldn't understand why his bones broke so easily. So he's the one who had all the experience with being in casts, surgery, etc. How strong a and brave he was!! And he was just getting better when the car accident happened. ARRRGHHHH! I hope he is happy and free of all that pain. That is the only thing that gives me some peace.

It's just been too hard to deal with. My arm hurts too bad to put up decorations or anything and my husband has gone into a deep depression so we are bickering and unable to really comfort each other. Altho he is doing his best to nurse me back to health.  Some kind soul left a wreath on our porch so at least we had that up. I am grateful to have all of you for support and wish you all peace on this day. I try to keep a beautiful thought that our children are still with us, looking after us and whatever we do to celebrate they celebrate with us. I know that when I am in a state of mind that becomes so dark, I make a real conscious effort, even though it is hard hard, to try to put myself back towards the light because that's where my Daniel is and where he wants us to be also.

I know it's so hard and so painful to be without our children. And  I miss seeing my family, I know especially my Mom's heart is hurting and missing Daniel.

But mostly I want my sweet boy back. I want to see his beaming face when he gets that new musical machine that he would spend hours on. I want his energy lighting up our home. And telling me how to handle this arm.  merry Christmas my sweet angel boy. I love you

Comment by Mikad on December 25, 2013 at 12:13pm

Im so glad this day has ended. I wanted to go to my sons grave , but couldn't  because of the rain . Its been raining hard here since yesterday .

I spent the day with my youngest son and his fiance , the first time in 8 years that I have not been alone in Christmas time . My mind kept on going to my son G , and the last Christmas I saw him . There were quite a lot of people around the lunch table , and I found myself cutting myself off from the conversation .

I told my son that I want to donate my Christmas Tree to charity , seeing as I dont see the use of putting it up . Its only me living in my home , and I dont see the use of it anymore ..... but then again , memories haunt me.

To all , be strong . God is with us , each and every one of us . I pray for strength every day , comfort , and guidance .

I need sleep. God Bless all

Comment by Teresa D. on December 25, 2013 at 12:05pm

No decorations, no music, stayed out of the stores, no tree, & not going visiting.  The hockey tournament is tomorrow. Don't know how I'm going to handle it emotionally. The response was greater then what we expected and we had to turn teams away. I'm hoping this can be a small turning point for me.

Michael would laugh at me for writing "From: Santa Claus" yet friends of his contacted me to tell me he would buy their kids gifts and then tell them look what Santa left on the steps. Their kids also wanted to play in the tournament for Michael.  My heart is saddened but warmed at the same time.

I loved reading what some of you did for Christmas.  Next year I'm going to try and have Christmas for Michael.  I love the idea of adding the ornament every year and the card.

Dolly love the ornaments what a smile!

You know what? I'm sad but I'm okay. I'm okay. 

I hope all of you can have a moment of peace today. 

Again, thank you to all of you for being there.

Comment by Dolly on December 25, 2013 at 11:42am

We went out to see the lights last night and a few of the houses were awesome.. but I forgot my camera.. of course.. so I will try to get back out before everyone takes them down...

we were about the last customers at Wendy's, as they were closing at 7PM, AND were out of Bo's favorite chili cheese baked potatoes, but he was happy with the chilly cheese fries... so even tho almost nobody was about, we had our little Christmas eve time together as a family....

this morning Bo enjoyed the silly noise making toys and the vibrating stuff.. the neck wrap, the tootbrush and the electric razor... seems he enjoys the tactile stuff and the silly stuff most of all... he got some cool Red Sox hats... two winter, one baseball cap, a few decorations for his room including a stick-on the wall Spiderman and a Red Sox lover's Man Cave sign...

the big surprise we will show him after dinner and his shower... a new hot tub... he will LOVE it and it's so good for him in so many ways.. we debated about it because we really couldn't 'afford' it, but decided we don't even know how many Christmases any of us have left so we didn't want to wait... and my oldest son and his wife are paying for a big chunk of it as our Christmas gift, so its really a family gift we will all enjoy ....

not having Brandon here was impossibly hard... but he WAS here in so many ways... people who love him gave us pictures of him, and one gave us a candle for him... other neighbors gave us all sorts of nice things... food, a snuggly throw, lotion, an inspirational book, music CD, a cute Goofy toy for Bo, fruit, and just awesome cheesecake with fruit on top... so much...so I guess our family has grown to include the neighbors...sort of makes me think of the 'old days' when neighbors reached out to each other... small towns like this it seems there's still some of that going on...

one of the gifts I got was a picture for 'mother' and said the sweetest thing ... one of Brandon's caregivers gave it to me along with two other wonderful pictures... what a sweet thing to do... she said she strongly felt Brandon urging her to give me the picture which broke my heart, and had me bawling, but really touched me deeply and made me feel him close

the other caregiver also gave us really sweet thoughtful gifts, and their mother/mom-in-law and husband even gave us a sweet card and a pretty ornament... we didn't expect ANY of that... this worker also gave us a bunch of neat stuff like a flex light, and little flash lights.. these things come in SO handy in the power outages we've all come to know so well...

my sister sent a really delicious candle...I was touched that she remembered us.. my sisters and I haven't exchanged gifts for years... sad to say.... not sure when or why it ended...

so we have managed to get through it all today.. so far ... with lots of love hugging us in.... and lots of tears... but with lots of thankfulness for those who made it better... may God bless them all !!! every one!!!

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