Comment

Comment by Teresa D. on January 6, 2014 at 5:41am

Thanks for sharing that Anne, I needed that.

Comment by Michelle H on January 5, 2014 at 5:59pm

Ditto!

Comment by Jane P on January 5, 2014 at 5:42pm

Anne

You leave me speechless.........

You are to be admired.

Comment by anne on January 5, 2014 at 4:24pm

I think most people battle depression off and on through life. I know I've had my share, but nothing like the deaths of my children. There has been nothing in my life that could've prepared me for that. Losing my first son was the worst, but just as bad was the way others handled it, and what they put me, and my family through. I'm still here. Then it happened again, but this time it was different. This time I vowed nobody else would be allowed to intervene with my family unless it was God! It was just as painful. It was just as hard to believe, actually harder because I was shocked it could happen again. I am still here. The difference between the two is that with my first child I didn't get any choices as far as how I would handle it. I didn't get to rely on myself so I survived because I had too. The second time around I took charge. I gave myself the right to choose how I will handle this second tragedy, and I gave myself permission to grieve the way a mother should have the choice too. Some days I handle things very well, and some days I don't, but in the end it's my choice. I live because I choose too. I live because I know that this is what God wants for me. Yes it can be a living hell. No doubt about it, but hope, and love do come back. Not the way it was, but in a different way. A way in which I have been surprised by some of the joy that I am finally able to feel again. I am but a broken vessel. I am cracked in places, but I can still hold my own. Not because I have to but because I want to. I'm doing it my way, one day at a time. In the beginning I would throw myself down on my bed, scream, and cry for days. I still throw myself on the bed every once in a while, but now it's only for a few moments, and then I sit up, and giggle at how much better that little act of rebellion made me feel. My wish is that all parents like me can one day throw a little fit for a few moments and feel good enough to get up and live one more day. Peace, and Love to all.

Comment by Lynn Williams on January 5, 2014 at 2:22pm

I had two major depressions and went on an anti-depressant after the last one 20 years ago. I have stayed on the lowest dose since than, I never want to have another episode.  With grief you do feel sad and depressed but your moods change and it isn't constantly feeling in despair and wanting to die.  I had no hope and felt nothing when I was really depressed.  Merry you are being bombarded with holidays and the anniversary of your son's death.  It is so natural to feel great sadness during these periods.  Just do what you need to cry, scream, or hibernate.  As long as your emotions move in and out go with it.  Some days can be unbearable and other days give us some hours of peace and hopefulness. Thinking of everyone today on this winter's day.   

Comment by Teresa D. on January 4, 2014 at 10:17am

I need a pick me up.  Spent the day in bed yesterday.  Felt physically ill, even though I know I'm not sick. Just crawled out of bed today and all I really want to do is climb back in it.  I'm pushing myself to get up.  Maybe I'm just exhaling. 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 3, 2014 at 10:51pm

Teresa
My son was born on Valentine's day also. It was always a day we spent together. I'm not looking forward to it.

Comment by Ammy on January 3, 2014 at 11:27am

Teresa, you are so right.  You will survive.  Try not to look ahead though.  Stay in the day.  Hugs

Comment by Ammy on January 3, 2014 at 11:25am

Anne, your words speak the truth.  Thanks for the encouragement.  You are a blessing and I hope you are blessed by helping.

Reminds me of a quote by Abraham Lincoln:  "To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own."

Not meaning that we forget completely but while we are comforting/helping another.  

Comment by Teresa D. on January 3, 2014 at 10:01am

Amen Anne!

As Valentine Day approaches, which is also Michael's birthday, I'm going to know no matter how bad it gets I can do it.  I survived last year and I will survive this year.  Painfully .....but I will survive.  Right?

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