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Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 20, 2014 at 2:01am

Amanda. I'm so sad for you. I messaged you.

Comment by amanda reese on January 19, 2014 at 10:37pm

hi, my daughter was killed by another persons hands, she was only 15 months old. I was blessed to have her, she was my one and only child and a miracle one at that. I am having such a hard time with out her here with me, im so use to her sleeping next to me, and waking me up, and running down my hallway. I still find some nights unbarable and can not even close my eyes till the suns just about coming up. I don't have many friends or people around here where I live who know what I am going through so I thought maybe going this would help me. so here I am. I really don't know what to do with my self half the time anymore I usually sit in my room all day n night n think n cry, I just don't have the motivation to do anything else half the time. I just want some one who knows the pain to be there for me and be able to help me out and me help them.

 

Comment by joanne on January 19, 2014 at 7:23pm

Thank you for being here for me. I haven't been able to write much as I am just navigating my way around. It's nice to be here and the welcomes are appreciated. I already feel a sense of calm.especially when you feel so alone.I have friends and family and  I'm sure they mean well but don't really know what we're all going through.

Comment by Connie K on January 19, 2014 at 5:10pm

Davi - we'll all be with you to help you get through Tuesday. Teresa - I understand how going in that store brought you down so hard. I still can't go to the grocery store for more than 10-15 minutes without crying and then I have to leave. That's my trigger because my son had Crohn's and needed a special diet and I was always trying to find or make for him that wouldn't cause him pain. Mostly for this whole year my husband gets the groceries. I do it if I have to and feel bad that he always turns out to be the one to go. But it really throws me onto the abyss. I can be standing there and see one of his favorite things and tears flow like Niagra Falls and I am the crazy lady sobbing in the grocery store...I have abandoned more than one basket...hugs to everyone

Comment by Davi Burford on January 19, 2014 at 12:39pm

Oh Connie i am right here with you and for you. My Dylans birthday is Tuesday and its only been not quite 3 months, i feel like laying down and crying my way to the other side of Tuesday. I cant do that because i have training at work that i have to be there for. I pray for your peace Connie as you move through this difficult time.

Comment by Teresa D. on January 19, 2014 at 12:26pm

I know you and my sister are right.  I just have to figure it out.  Going to that store this morning really put me in an ugly place.  It's like I'm facing reality now.  I will NEVER see or hear Michael again.  I can't call him and tell him everything. I want so much just to talk to him.  But this is IT!  I can't do that.  Sorry I've fallen down and doing my best to get back up.  Even though it's been 16 months, I feel like I'm only now facing the reality.

Comment by Connie K on January 19, 2014 at 11:09am

Teresa I think your sister is right in that we can still choose to celebrate our child's life even if it's painful. To deal with it head on may help you get through it easier. Think of something simple you know you can get through that he loved or that will honor him. The best you can give him for his birthday would be for him to see you trying to celebrate not only his but your own life. I know I know - easier said than done - but I do believe it's what they want for us and I try to keep that i mind and will try to do things just because I know it would make him proud even if I feel like dying inside. Peace and love to everyone here

Comment by Teresa D. on January 19, 2014 at 10:20am

Dolly, Brandon wants you to know he is there. I'm so happy for you that you felt his presence.  His smile let's everyone know he loves his family and his life. 

I'm trying to take the advice and not think about Michael's birthday until it is here, but this morning I ran to the store and what was everywhere?????? Valentine's Day everything!!!!!! How am I suppose to do that when it is in my face? 

I came home and my sister called and so of course I cried to her and told her how that trip to the store changed my mood.  My sister suggested that I don't avoid it but hit it head on.  Every year for 29 years, besides a present, I gave Michael a Valentine's card and a birthday card with a cake.  My sister thinks I should continue to do it.  As old as he was he loved to get a birthday cake. Thinking of what some of you did for Christmas I think I'm going to try and celebrate his birthday rather then cry through it.  Ok who am I kidding celebrate or not I'm going to cry.  But maybe I can have positive tears rather then negative tears. If that makes sense.  As you can tell I'm struggling again.  Last year I spent his birthday on the bathroom floor crawled up like a baby, I don't want to do that again if I can help it. 

Comment by anne on January 18, 2014 at 6:02pm

I'm happy for you Dolly! I pray that all get a little ray of sunshine in our hearts!

Comment by anne on January 18, 2014 at 5:59pm

Hello Joanne,

I'm sorry you have to be here. I have found this site to be very helpful to me. I like to blog, which you can do on this site, and I like to keep in touch because I always learn something from others here. It's also a place where we all have a common denominator, and we have all walked in these shoes. Anyway, we are here. I hope this site helps you. Peace and Love!

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