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Comment by Ammy on January 20, 2014 at 7:11pm

Jane you sound like me.  Solitude.  I usually keep all my grief to myself too.  I don't know if that's healthy but each of us has their way of handling things.  I probably do it because I've always been a private person and I've always been the one everyone depended on for taking care of problems.  I've always been the giver and not the taker, but that is because I felt comfortable in that role, but now when I need   I don't feel anyone's support so I'd rather be alone.  Even around my family I am alone.  I am alone here.  

Comment by Ammy on January 20, 2014 at 7:01pm

Teresa, of course you are hurt and angry.  The anger might go away but you will probably feel the hurt from your friend longer.

I had a friend for 34 years and we spoke several times a week.  When my son left this earth she came to visit one time and I never heard from her again until a couple of months ago when she found me on FB.  Her message to me was. "Why didn't you ever get in touch with me?"

I did write her a short message back explaining that we didn't get in touch with anyone.  We stayed to ourselves and still do most of the time.  She said something about how she knows how hard it must have been because she knows how upset she got when her daughter would disappear for a few days.  I responded that I couldn't think of anything to say at the time because I didn't want to get upset.  I never heard from her again.

There will always be those people because they don't have a clue and I can understand that.  I didn't have a clue until it happened to us.  It just can't be understood to it's full impact unless you live it

Comment by Ammy on January 20, 2014 at 6:51pm

I am beyond able to comment on some of these posts except for the email about Kyra.  That is the kind of stuff we need to read or hear from others.  The fact that our child is not forgotten and was loved.

For the others my heart is saddened even more, and I'm sorry we have more new members but you are in a good place here.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all always.

Comment by Jane P on January 20, 2014 at 6:36pm

Solitude is still my best friend.

Comment by Vasanthi S on January 20, 2014 at 4:47pm

shared the poem on fb cos it is so true.

Comment by Connie K on January 20, 2014 at 4:35pm

Thanks for the poem Laurie. It's a great analogy. I am so sorry for your losses.

Lynn - what a beautiful gift that letter from Kyra's friend is. It is so heart warming to hear how someone else loves and misses our children too.

Hugs to aeveryone today ((( )))

Comment by Teresa D. on January 20, 2014 at 3:31pm

Thank you, thank you thank you once again your support kept me in the right place of mind.  I'm not only angry but I'm hurt she would say such things to me.  I have not and I will not respond, not yet anyway.

Dolly you made me laugh.

I know everybody is right, she just doesn't know how ignorant she sounds.  I was really mad at first but I'm going to let it go for now.  Because your right I have enough to deal with without adding more.

Lynn that was touching.  What a beautiful letter to receive. 

Vasanthi, I love your name choices for your new kitten. 

We all wish there was a pill to make this all go away, but we are all smart enough to know there is no pill or anything else that can do that.

None of us choose to be this way.  Who wants to get up and keep repeating this misery everyday?  Who wants to carry a ton of cement on their back?  Nobody would want to. 

Again, thank you to everyone for letting me air out and for your supportive responses. 

Comment by Connie K on January 20, 2014 at 2:04pm

Amanda - I am so sorry for your loss and I know how heartbroken you are and how alone you feel.  I echo everyone's thoughts here. You are in a safe place to get your feelings out and get support and companionship for this awful journey we walk together.Also try to find a local grief support group..

Teresa - wow that's a strong willed friend you have there. She is pushing you because she is scared of actually having to deal and talk about death and she just doesn't GET IT. I'm sorry she is upsetting - let her know it's not that easy and if she can't be there for you when you need her now then maybe you should not be around her for awhile. Her harsh demands on how you should live your life are not what you need right now. You can heal through loving, empathetic people not those are so selfish that care more about your mood is putting a damper on the day. I'll never forget when I was visiting my sister she asked me (6 months after my son dies) one morning when I started crying " if I had a pill or something I could take for that. Just so you won't cry every morning." Shopping with somebody crying is a real bummer!

Vasanthi - any reason to get a kitten is a great one!! Love the name

Comment by anne on January 20, 2014 at 1:32pm

When others say insensitive, and hurtful things it is because they are ignorant, and know not what they say. It's hard to let them go, but when you let them hurt you nobody else suffers but you. You will find that in time all of those ignorant remarks won't hurt you as much as they do now, but will make you more aware of the stupidity of others, and give you the strength to walk away from it.

Comment by anne on January 20, 2014 at 1:23pm

Oh Laurie, I loved that poem. I have never read it before. It hits the nail right on the head. I too have lost 2 of my children and since I can't change that, I will wear these shoes until I have gone to glory. I have worn these shoes to hell and back more times than I care to admit, but I will wear them, because I know in my heart that I don't walk alone in them.

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