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Comment by Vasanthi S on January 21, 2014 at 12:01pm

I am with you all. Connie you said it so well.. the shock wears out and sometimes i think its better to be in shock lifelong.. at least one is numb then... well nothing could be better this way or that. Its two years this December and I try and keep myself busy doing this or that. Connie can understand that without a job it can be hard to keep doing something. For me here I dont even have friends nearby and cant go for walks as it is snowy. Craig says we will go for walks on weekends.  He does all he can to ease this after he gets back from work and on weekends but Only after I get married which will be in mid April can i take the online education tests and then take up some job nearby. Though I have my international driving license I feel a great hesitation in starting to get used to driving here. Its to do with Micku's passing in an accident. I know I have to get over that fear or distaste. Also am not used to the LH Drive. We attend online Vedanta classes so weekends are busy and Tuesday and Wed  late evenings are busy. Now have called people from Craig's office for dinner etc so I get to know more people. Since we live in a wooded area, its very quiet and while its lovely I cant see people outside or any activity which is the opposite of Mumbai from where I come.. :) I keep saying lets just drive down to the neighbors and introduce ourselves etc  or I am going to get fliers made and offer to babysit kids for the next few months.. I put up the poem on fb and some of the comments just showed me how no one has a clue  though  its well meaning . I think now life is about how I can reach out and serve/help others and through that I hope to get some measure of peace.. love to all here ..each and everyone of you are so precious to me.

Comment by Connie K on January 21, 2014 at 11:27am

Hello to everyone here today. My heart is with each and every one of you. Jane and Ammy especially you. You are not alone here - I went to sleep crying and woke up crying. I don't know what to know with the rest of my life. I have no job right now and  things seem so confusing and unfair. I wander around doing this and that, meeting a friend now and then and am kind of stuck until my arm heals. I have way too much time on my hands. Why couldn't my son have it?

Davi I will light a candle for your son tonight with mine for Daniel. He died 3 months before his 18th birthday also. And I am beginning the 2nd year. Teresa like you I was told by others who have gone through this that the 2nd year is harder. I can see why. The shock begins to go and the rawness of the pain resurfaces. All I can do is take each day at a time, try to get outside and walk and look at anything beautiful in the world and try to be grateful for having had him in my life . I have to live for Daniel now, it's figuring out how that's the tough part.

Jane I know that feeling of despair where you just feel nothing matters at all. I am so sorry for your deep pain. But like Lynn said maybe a grief therapist could help even though they can;' change reality. They can offer ways of dealing with it, perhaps you can meet someone you can talk to locally. Oh how I could wrap my arms around you all and make it better for us all. I wish you all strength for the day. And hope I can stop crying long enough to go to my rehearsal....

Dolly - love that pic - you're too funny.

Comment by Davi Burford on January 21, 2014 at 9:52am

Tough day so far I am trying to keep it together at work but not doing a great job. His birthday is today would have been 17 I remember how much we used to talk about what he was gonna do when he turned 18 and now he will never get that chance to even see 18 

Comment by Lynn Williams on January 21, 2014 at 8:26am

I so want to get out of winter and cold. My husband is fine but last night his truck skidded of the icy road and feel into a deep ditch.  Lots of damage to the truck.  It brought back the accident my daughter had this past summer.  I wish she could have been as lucky as my husband. Not a good day I miss Kyra so much.

 

Comment by Teresa D. on January 21, 2014 at 6:51am

Jessica, I was told by another parent year two is no better than year one.  While it was hard to hear it has prepared me and it let's me know as year one passes that I'm still ok.  It's okay I'm still crying every day, it's ok I think of Michael always, and it's ok I still hurt as if it was yesterday.  Would our children really expect us to step over this and just continue on? I don't think so.  

I went back and read the letter by Allison again. I think it is so heartwarming.  It's my inspiration today.  Going to try and think positive today. 

Comment by Jessica Berninzon on January 21, 2014 at 2:49am

been long time since i visited my daughter has been  gone 2 years on January  17 of this year the holidays were horrible the two year  mark is still in effect today dont know how much longer i can take this horrid nightmare.

Comment by Lynn Williams on January 20, 2014 at 8:26pm

Oh Jane you are going through a really bad wave. Is there a group for bereaved mothers in your area. Have you seen a counselor yet. Most friends can't deal with what we are going through. We are here for you. Reach out to a good friend I am so sorry you are having a god awful day

Comment by Jane P on January 20, 2014 at 8:11pm

My life has disappeared. I'm thinking I want to sell our house. I only kept it for my daughter. Now she's not here. No future is left. Just empty space. Waiting to go.

Comment by Jane P on January 20, 2014 at 8:08pm

I lay on the bathroom vanity with my face in the sink to catch my tears.

Comment by Jane P on January 20, 2014 at 8:06pm

I've been keeping my grief to myself for a long time. I have never even called a friend, even when I'm at the bottom. Not even once. It's so personal. I can't let anyone see me "that way".

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