Comment

Comment by anne on January 22, 2014 at 8:39pm

Not silly at all Michelle. Not silly at all!

Comment by anne on January 22, 2014 at 8:35pm

Dear Jane,

I wish I could make it go away for you. Heck for all of us. I don't think your losing your grip. Your hurting, and in deep sorrow. That's not losing your grip that's the grief. 2 or 3 years is not an awful long time for grieving. I found that it took that long just for me to even think about or want to be alive. That's why allowing yourself time to grieve, and time for your heart to begin to heal is so important. We don't have to follow anyone's grief timeline, just our own, and however long it takes is up to us. We didn't get a choice as far as the deaths of our children, but we sure as heck have the right choose how, when, and how much time we need to deal with it. Guess I'm feeling a bit aggressive today. I'm just tired of others thinking they have the right to judge, and make the rules for those of us walking in these shoes. Peace!

Comment by Michelle W on January 22, 2014 at 8:14pm

Anne,
How funny I have finally got a new iPhone and of course without my helpful smart teenage son to help me I have struggled to get my pictures, contacts etc.. But I have managed to get by, my husband got me an iPad for Xmas and the only contacts I can seem to get to come up on the silly thing is my husbands number and my sons.. I haven't dialed that number for two years yet it's one of the only two numbers showing as contacts... It's odd and pains me..but yes I understand what you said about the voicemail... I have three news story's that where done about my son at the time of the accident on my DVR.. I would just die if they where lost yet I can't watch them..silly right.

Comment by joanne on January 22, 2014 at 8:09pm

Hello I just wanted to share something that helped me a lot last week. I went back to Alanon. I started going in 2009 when I left my alcoholic husband and it really made a difference in my life. Now that my son has passed I thought it would relieve some of my pain. Surprisingly it did because I could tell a.room full of people my son was an alcoholic. Which I have a hard time saying to people other than family.there are local groups for Alanon and you can go as lo g as you have a loved one who has a problem with alcohol or drugs. I haven't been on this site long meet many people who have lost a child to drugs or alcohol.I would love to talk to someone whose child has lost there life to this disease.thanks

Comment by anne on January 22, 2014 at 8:01pm

After reading the posts, a memory was brought back to me. When Ben died I had a voicemail on my cell from him. I guarded that voicemail for 6 years. I didn't listen to it very often because hearing his voice made me too confused. I always made sure when I got a new phone that that special voicemail was still there. I got a new phone last year, and the voicemail got lost. I told the person at my cell company too please try to get it back. He couldn't, and I cried as if my life was over. I wasn't sure if I could go on without it. I had been in a panic for a week after that. I felt like I had lost him all over again. I prayed, and I prayed to get it back. When I was a little girl I shoveled snow for days to buy my teacher a sweater clip for Christmas. On the way to school I lost it. I told her what had happened and she told me to pray to St. Anthony. She said he is the Saint for lost things. If I was meant to find it I would. So I prayed all the way home that day. The next morning on my way to school I found the sweater clip in the snow! It worked! So when the voicemail got lost I prayed, and I prayed. It didn't come back. I sat myself down, and had a little talk with myself, and God. I finally realized that I was lucky to have had that message as long as I did. I'm ok without it now because now I can hear his voice all on my own in my heart. The whole thing taught me to not depend so much on material things because they are not as important as the things I carry in my heart. Since I stopped making material things so important I have found that I see the boys faces, and hear their voices without the voicemail much clearer. I still miss the voicemail, but I did survive without it. Now I look at it like at least I had it when I really needed it, and for that I am grateful. I gotta wonder if losing that voicemail was a sign that it was time for it to go? Anyway I did survive. It's amazing how accepting I can be when I don't have a choice. There's nothing wrong with hanging on to things that give comfort, and it's ok to let them go when the time is right. I wish I was sitting, and having coffee with all of you right now. I am so lonely today. Peace to all

Comment by Jane P on January 22, 2014 at 7:11pm

Am I loosing my grip?

Comment by Jane P on January 22, 2014 at 7:04pm

Am I feeling sorry for myself?

Comment by Jane P on January 22, 2014 at 7:03pm

If I could find a way out of this, I would.

Why am I not getting better?

I am so tired. Really tired.

Comment by Jane P on January 22, 2014 at 6:58pm

Thank you for thinking of me.

Comment by Michelle W on January 22, 2014 at 5:46pm

Davi, well it has actually has been two years and a month ... My son was seventeen and the accident was less then a month from as he said his golden birthday .. He was going to be eighteen on the eighteenth of December .. He told my daughter and myself two days before he was taken from me on my daughters birthday( thanksgiving) that she could have the day but everyday after that was his and everything would be golden ... Those words ring in my head all the time .. My daughter and I put him in a golden urn... And yes everyday after that day has been about him... How ironic...as someone wrote earlier the first year I just couldn't believe it was true.. No one does or will understand..yes they are all too uncomfortable to even say the right thing.. I found it is easier not to talk to anyone anymore about it.. Even relatives just can't understand .. They are not the mom or dad.. The love lost.. The guilt.. The lost future..so I found only here I am comfortable saying how I truly feel.. Even today it feels like the first day...a really bad day... You would think it would be better now ... It's not .. It's like being frozen in time... I've been sad all day.. Why? Who knows what has triggered it today.. I truely hope the best for everyone today,,,

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