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Comment by Vasanthi S on February 12, 2014 at 11:10am

Thinking of all of you and praying for peace and acceptance however hard it may be ... Dolly did you try the neem oil for the skin?it is very effective so try and get it if you can. love to all.. Connie I know exactly how you feel and often wish I could just be with you all and share everything . Visited old friends in Maryland and it felt nice butkept my son's big picture in the bedroom where I slept so that I wouldn't feel too lost..it helped.. i would talk to him at night and somehow wish I could do it loudly and with everyone present. I find myself furtive while talking and hate that and no one has ever said don't talk to him but I also know that if I do it with anyone else in the room it will probably stun them!

Comment by Teresa D. on February 11, 2014 at 9:07am

I'm with you Connie.  I'm feeling like I'm hitting bottom again.  The closer Michael's birthday gets the more emotional I'm becoming.  Even though Michael's last words were, "don't you ever get it wrong your number one and you'll always be number one" I'm feeling like a failure of a mom.  I wasn't there when he needed me the most.  He laid there all weekend alone waiting to be discovered.  My baby laid on that floor all alone and died alone.  I'd give anything to change places with him. How do I continue to work with families and children and I couldn't protect my own? 

Comment by Michelle H on February 10, 2014 at 6:36pm

Just want everyone to know I'm thinking of you and praying for your comfort.

Comment by Connie K on February 10, 2014 at 5:43pm

Dolly - first of all so sorry you are still suffering with that ringing! And yes they might lose their leaves while still indoors. I'm not exactly sure of the cycle especially in that climate , but mine are just now getting some leaves back but they are outside all year (sorry :) You can check online for your climate zone. They like part shade. Hope their flowers cheer you up! Hugs to everyone.

Comment by Lynn Williams on February 10, 2014 at 3:35pm

Thank you for the beautiful poem Teresa. Connie I am sorry you have been crying and feeling like there was something you could have done differently. You are a loving and devoted mother and Daniel knows that. I wish we were their guardian angels at the time of their accident and were able to change the outcome, but it was out of our power. We are powerless and that is so hard to accept. We want our babies back. I have been feeling angry today that she was taken from me and there was nothing I could do. Why does the universe do this to loving parents, I can't fathom the reason. Davi, I too have a hard time with my mom. She wants to talk so superficially about the weather and what I have been up to. I just yes her to death and know she won't call me again for a couple of weeks. Love and hugs to all. Survival is all I can muster at the moment.

Comment by Vasanthi S on February 10, 2014 at 3:20pm

Teresa, what a lovely poem..it says it all..hugs to everyone.. had been away or a week.

Comment by anne on February 10, 2014 at 2:31pm

Hugs to all of you today!

Comment by Davi Burford on February 10, 2014 at 1:13pm

Oh Connie sending hugs your way cause we both need them right now 

Comment by Connie K on February 10, 2014 at 11:33am

Beautiful poem Tresa. Thank you for sharing. I don't think I've stop crying since yesterday. I'm reverting back to feeling like if I had done things differently Daniel would still be here. I feel let him down,. I don't know how to stop feeling guilty about anything I could have done differently. I can intellectualize it and say there's nothing I could have done. But how do I know? I never will and I'll never have a change to make it right. It's all in God's hands and I hope he will guide me to some sort of peace. Because right now I can't forgive myself and don't know how to start. I have repressed this all year, trying to come to some understanding in order to continue living and I think I have made progress. But then wham! it hits me like a slap in the face. Oh please, I want my baby back and I promise I'll do things better or different this time. If only we could have a do-over. I have to just apply what I've learned to those that I love who are still here. But there's such a giant hole in my heart.

Comment by Davi Burford on February 10, 2014 at 11:26am

Thank you Lynn, yes I will be so glad when all this dreary cold goes away... Were in for more crap weather tonight we are 2 months in and I just feel so lost. My mom keeps calling me to check on me and I answer but then I wonder why I am so sick of people worrying about me I will either be ok or I won't but that for me no body else, I know she means well and I should not be so ugly to her she is also hurting I mean he was her first grandson she helped me raise him for the first 4 years of his life but I just can't take it. I truly hope that after some years this becomes a little easier, cause right now I just don't want to wait and see but I know all to well that ending life is not the answer GOD has a plan because he let me live 3 years ago but that does not mean I have to like it..... My husband is telling me that my negative thoughts are making me worse ( I have always been a negative person) but right now how can anyone find positive

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