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Comment by Connie K on February 18, 2014 at 3:27pm

Okay - sending you all a little springtime. I planted one for everyone I think! Still a bit messy but brightens up the front yard

Comment by Vasanthi S on February 18, 2014 at 11:16am

Davi, please don't worry about the outside world. Our world crashed, how can we be 'normal'? It is the time to grieve and we are grieving, we can't just plug it up and say, oh ok these things happen! The loss of a child, our babies, the light of our lives, in every heartbeat they are there and will always be there..no one can take away the love..like Dolly says on this sorry earth we are left to grapple with something so horrifying that its better to die that live through this for as long as we live...its an awful thought and one that throws me in deep deep sorrow, to not be able to talk, laugh, hold his hand and smooth his brow.. god knows how but we have to pull along otherwise God would have taken us too... don'y worry about what people say , 'moving on' as they say will be a natural process and it cant be rushed or hurried up or delayed..first and foremost we are each connected to God, and however much it puzzles us, God will always be there as He is Love itself and Love isn't cruel.. our children are loved beyond measure and I beg of the Lord to keep them happy beyond measure.

Comment by Davi Burford on February 18, 2014 at 10:58am

Oh Dolly I am feeling the same way. Me and my husband are trying to "get our marriage right" and in turn that means I have to get myself right but in the mean time I feel like if GOD changes me for the better somehow I will be leaving Dylan behind, and the outside world will see this grieving mother not even 6 months after his death "moving on" and that makes me want to stay in this rut. My husband says I want to be this way (all sad and mopey) I don't really but then I am back to worrying what the general world will think. I want to sleep all the time hoping that I might hear his voice or see his face in more than a picture and I don't get that and it makes me even more sad. Well I know I am rambling but I have just been so upset for like the last 5 days I guess some of the numbness is going away. I have always known this was real but it just seems this week its really real you know. Thank you to EVERYONE here 

Comment by Teresa D. on February 18, 2014 at 6:58am

Snowed again!  I can't wait for Spring to get here.

My daughter is having a little melt down of her own.  I think she feels it is her responsibility to take care of me and her dad and I think she tries to fill the void.  I think she has reached a point where she is melting down.  I tried to tell her she can't fill that void or be Michael. I wish I knew how to stop her from feeling this is her responsibility.  With Michael gone she is now an only child and thinks it is all up to her now. 

Isn't that something Vasanthi? I swear the signs come when we need them the most. 

As crumbled as it is I'm holding on to that little piece of paper as a reminder.  Right now I need to hold onto my faith.  I will see my Michael again. 

Michelle isn't it something how time just goes right by.  We feel like a minute passed only to realize it's been a year. 

Connie, plant a bulb for me because I wish I could go out into the garden.  Gardening is like therapy for me.

Yea, I know Michael is gone but I keep waiting for him too. 

Comment by Lynn Williams on February 17, 2014 at 8:23pm

I strongly believe that our children leave us signs to let us know they are still with us. Teresa and Vasanthi thank you for sharing
Your signs. Having faith that we will see our children in the afterlife, is the one thing that gives me hope and makes live possible. I am glad you have been able to work in your garden Connie. I too love digging in the earth. Michelle your love for Chris will never leave you nor will his love for you. Seeing his children must give you hope. I don't think a parent can ever truly face they will not see their child again. I keep my faith in the afterlife to myself here at home because I couldn't bear to hear people say otherwise. I made it through today knowing I will be united with her again for eternity.

Comment by Michelle H on February 17, 2014 at 6:39pm

Teresa and Vasanthi, those are wonderful messages from heaven!

I feel myself in a place that I don't like. I feel like I'm somehow pulling away from Chris, like I did when my mother died when I was a kid. I don't want to do that. Next month will be the one year anniversary and I can absolutely NOT believe it. I know I don't want to believe it. It still all feels so unreal.

Love and prayers to all.

Comment by Connie K on February 17, 2014 at 6:30pm

That's exactly how I feel Vasanthi. You just can't let your mind stay there. It's too hard to think of all of this grief for the rest of our lives and never seeing them again as that human being. So I believe all our children are still with us in another form and they send us these signs that remind us of that when we are at our lowest. I'm always glad to hear of these communications from others - it always helps to reaffirm my faith.

Lynn - I planted some flowers today and thought of Kyra and her farming. It's the first time I've really felt like gardening since Daniel passed except the tree and bed we planted at his school. I felt him smiling. He knows how much I love gardening and he was happy to see me doing it again. It helps me feel connected to him and the universe.

I am praying for some early spring weather for all of you trapped in that darn polar vortex!! My family in South Carolina and Georgia have been unusually slammed with snow. It's crazy. I know it must make it harder to deal with the grief. (((   )))

Comment by Vasanthi S on February 17, 2014 at 9:43am

Wow Teresa, reminds me of the time when I was in India in the school and taking rounds during the break, when two boys were looking at a slip of paper. I was wondering what they are seeing and I said , 'what's that , may I see it?" The piece of paper just had "MICKY" written on it. I had just finished a class about Charlie Chaplin and his mother and we were all a little teary eyed. I was astonished and asked whether there was anyone named Micky or a nickname for any boy in the school..They said "no" and then asked me , but who is Micky? I was too emotional for any long drawn out answer and just said," well , thats a long story" and went to the restroom to bawl my eyes out , but I so strongly felt at that time that my son was telling me that he is always there and his mummy will always be with him... I miss him so so so much and many times a day if i think that I will never see my darling again, I get shaky and just want the door bell to ring and him standing there with his smile and kind beautiful eyes  saying " ok I'm home.".. what do I do with this reality?:(

Comment by Teresa D. on February 17, 2014 at 9:28am

The morning of Michael's service I ran into a store to get sunglasses to hide my eyes as I was running back to the car a man came up to me and handed me a small piece of paper and walked away.  Because of the state I was in I obviously put it in my handbag and forgot about it.  Well I came across it yesterday....

Here's what was written on it:

John 3:16

God so loved the world that he gave his only son to whomever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life!

Comment by Teresa D. on February 17, 2014 at 6:00am

Lynn we not only grieve the lost of our children but I think we grieve the loss of their futures as well. 

HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS TO YOU AND KYRA!

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