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Comment by anne on February 22, 2014 at 9:59pm

I'm with you Lynn! I do my best to keep my grief to myself. There's just no point sharing it with others who don't get it. My husband has become very good at talking about the boys with me. My daughters that's a no go. That's okay though. No need to for them to get all worked up too. It took a long while for my husband to communicate his feelings with me or anyone else. I used to get so upset with him, but I'm glad I waited for him to be able to talk about it. I hate not feeling well cause there's nothing else to do but think. This too shall pass, I hope. You know it's bad enough we have to go through this sucky thing in the first place, but for it to also make us sick to is very disturbing. I have had at least 15 major surgeries since my first child died. I'm pretty sure it wasn't from grief, but grief does not help the healing part. I was barely ever sick before the deaths of my kids. Now it seems I fix one thing, and than another one pops up. That's ok because I am one stubborn woman, and I will fight to the end! Love to all! Goodnight

Comment by Lynn Williams on February 22, 2014 at 8:55pm

Anne and Dolly I am sorry you are going through medical issues. Dolly it is smart to get tested for lyme's disease. I have had on 5 different occasions. I have been lucky because every time I've gotten it I get the bulls-eye rash. I have friends who never got the rash and kept getting weird aches and pains, low grade fevers and headaches. They ended up taking antibiotics for quite a while. Up here it's epidemic so they don't even send out your blood for testing. Grieving lowers your resistance makes you immune system not function at 100%. Anne there is almost nothing worse than chronic back pain. I hope they can find something to lessen the pain until you can have surgery. Yesterday while walking the dogs I slipped on the ice and cracked my head good. I had a wicked headache for a while but no concession, just a lot of ugly bruises. It did trigger a wave of grief and I couldn't stop crying. I ended up taking a sleeping pill because I was so agitated. My husband shows no outward emotion over our daughter's death and I no longer cry in front of him. Our relationship is not what it used to be and I don't seem to care. Loss sure brings up old issues that have been long pushed under the rug. I bury myself in books about the afterlife and spirituality which my family thinks is nuts. Our kids are our life and when they are taken from us how can we go on as if everything is okay. I feel safer letting my emotions out in private. After six months people don't know what to say to you and if you don't put the mask on they run away.
I just want the daylight to get longer and the air to be warm. Next week it is supposed to go back down into the single digits again. Excuse me for being so cranky, I think I need some puppy love right now. Hugs to everyone

Comment by anne on February 22, 2014 at 4:37pm

I am feeling fragile today. I wish I wouldn't get so weepy when I'm sick or injured. I went to the Doc the other day because of severe back pain. The x-ray shows that I have osteoarthritis throughout my upper spine along with bone spurs. I can't take medication for it because my stomach can't handle it. I need a hip replacement along with a shoulder replacement, and on top of all that I need the scar tissue in my abdomen taken down. I'm at my wits end. I'm also missing my boys so much I almost can't stand it. There, how's that for whining! Sorry about the rant but I needed to get that out before I explode. The thing about grief is that it's not just the living without my sons,(although that's the worst) it's all of this illness, and physical pain too that wears a person down. The pain in my body is so bad that I can barely breathe. I feel so rough that it's depressing the heck out of me. I'm so glad my friends funeral was last week cause I couldn't play or sing today too save me. Last week I buried my friend, and today I feel like getting buried myself. I can take quite a bit, but this pain in my back is too much. Okay I'm done whining, and feeling sorry for my self. Tomorrow's another day! Whew that felt good!

Dolly and others I know what your talking about. I have been through that crap so many times. Dr,s telling me it's grief and it's all in my head. Some of it maybe, but most of it is my body, and real. I think we would know the difference between the two, so why do we have to deal with Dr's using our grief as an explanation for pain or illness. Grief takes a toll on a body, and can certainly cause physical pain, but there's more to it than that. I've been battling with the Dr's for a long time, and so now they are more apt to listen to me when I say I'm sick or hurt. I don't know why they don't listen in the first place. It sure would save us all a lot of unwanted pain. I hope my strength holds out.  Looks like I'm going to have to work really hard again to get my health back. I wouldn't mind the tears stopping either. When I'm sick or hurting the days feel a lot sadder. Thanks for the relief! Peace and love to all!

Comment by Theresa on February 22, 2014 at 12:14pm

Dolly, I hope that you find out everything is okay. However, do not let others tell you it is your grief and depression only. Others mean well but will sometimes use this as a blanket excuse. I know because I listened to this for so long that by the time I finally went to a doctor i found out that I did have other illnesses and they had gotten out of hand. We spend so much time taking care of the ones that we love that we forget to be kind to ourselves. With the sorrow we are feeling this happens all to easily. Please take care and God Bless.

Comment by Theresa on February 21, 2014 at 8:23pm

I do not think that I have been through more than anyone else. We all love, hurt and are in pain. As far as I am concerned 1 is not only to many but more than enough for all.

Comment by Dolly on February 21, 2014 at 7:35pm

How can you not feel mad? How can you feel anything but lost and alone and sad and angry and hopeless after all you have lost?? We do understand at least somewhat.... I have lost others in the past that were close... parents, grandparents, grandchildren, and best friends, but not all at ONCE over a short period of time... and when I lost my son Brandon, it was the worst YET.... and still is... so please know you can be mad in here... you can rant and scream and cry in here... we all do it to some extent or another... me more than most I guess... but if I don't do it SOMEWHERE I think my heart and head will just explode with it all... and YOU have been through so much MORE than I have... I admire you for even having the strength and will to come on HERE much less do anything else... I do hope you will think about your sister's offer.... I don't know anything about her or your relationship to her, but you DESERVE someone to love and take care of you and it may be what SHE needs as well.... only you and she know how your relationship might work, but I think its one of the most precious things in life to care for someone you love when they need it most.... its EASY to love someone who doesn't need anything from you, and yet its MOST fulfilling to be able to give something to someone you love when they need you the most.... I know this is true for ME anyway..... please take some hope in knowing we do share your pain and anger and all the rest and will never judge you ....

Comment by Theresa on February 21, 2014 at 7:10pm

I am not even sure what group I really belong with for they are all gone by different methods. Just do not feel like I belong anywhere.

Comment by Theresa on February 21, 2014 at 7:08pm

Dolly and Vasanthi, thank you for your words I have not had any support with this or anyone to talk to for 4 months. I have had so much bottled up because there was no support at all. I have no friends in my life, it was just me and Mitch, Branden, and Josh. Don't get me wrong they were my life and I would not have traded any of it. However, I never thought I had to go out and make friends. And never thought I would end up without all of them at the same time. Now I find that I have no one to talk to. I feel lost without them. And I do not know if I am going to make it thru this one. When I lost Branden, at Mitch and I had each other so it made it a little easier. But losing him and Josh just feels like to much to bear. I also feel so guilty because I am so mad all the time.

Comment by Vasanthi S on February 21, 2014 at 6:43pm

Yes agree with Dolly.. no one we love is ever a burden.. Theresa, do go and live with your sister even for a short while.. it will feel nice to be taken care of.. there is no chronological order of age we need to stick to...hugssss

Comment by Theresa on February 21, 2014 at 5:55pm

My baby sister and her husband sent for me to live with them. However, I just feel like a burden. We are the last of our family, I have always taken care of her. Just not right that she should feel like she has to help me, its just like losing my kids. I am older I should be the first to go. The younger ones should be here. I feel like the life balance is off some how. This just sucks.

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