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Comment by Teresa D. on February 27, 2014 at 4:18pm

This is one of the quilts my daughter had made out of Michael's jersey's (shirts).  This one is for my ex-husband.  The maker made one boo boo so they have to go back to be fixed.  Instead of having "III" representing that he was the 3rd, they wrote it in cursive.  Now instead of them being packed away or hidden away in the closet I can wrap myself in them.  I LOVE YA MIKE!

Comment by Connie K on February 27, 2014 at 11:54am

Lynn - sorry you are having such a bad day I will hold you in my heart. Dolly - glad the MRI was clean. Did you ever take Diflucan for the yeast?

I am just so low lately I don't even have any words except that I am sending everyone love and hope for tomorrow to be brighter. (((   )))

Comment by Lynn Williams on February 27, 2014 at 11:49am

HOme again my friend forgot we had a lunch date, but I have been crying a lot today so maybe I need to be by myself.

Comment by Lynn Williams on February 27, 2014 at 10:17am

I miss Kyra so much today. I opened a card from her friend and there was a picture of them together. I could not read the letter; I mean I could not face reading the letter.  I think this is the coldest and snowiest winter we have had in Northern New England for a long time. The grayness only heightens the feelings of loneliness and sadness.  I am meeting a friend for lunch and see the counselor after.  I am glad I am able to pull myself together most days, but today is so hard.  I too worry about my other daughter Teresa, she lives so far away and so do my step-sons. We know longer have any family around us and it is so isolating. Losing a child shows us how little control we have over events in our lives. Its just so hard to let go of the fears and what ifs. Sending everyone hugs today I wish we could all go out and have tea at a cafe. The isolation is what gets you.   

Comment by anne on February 26, 2014 at 8:04pm

Teresa, you just go right ahead and express whatever you need! I remember feeling the same way. I took myself out of life for a very long time because I lived with so much fear of it happening again. I lost almost 9 years of my life, and the lives of my family because of that fear. It happened any way, and almost took my daughter too. We don't have any control over that part of life. I know cause I tried to protect, and control everything about our lives. My daughters pulled away, my son went to war, and my husband about worked himself to death. So It's ok to worry, but be very careful of the difference between worry, and fear. I know you don't feel it now but there will come a day when you will be glad your still here loving others.  We don't know when or how these things will happen so I try not to be afraid or worry about things that are out of my control. I learned that lesson too the hard way!

Comment by Michelle W on February 26, 2014 at 2:50pm

Adrianne, I always could look at my sons pictures I actually search them all out almost obsessively , and now it just skills me to look at them ...I almost feel guilty like I didn't protect him from the world.
Ammy, I love the poem it is just perfect , I always feel the need to tell people even strangers why I am who I am now so they would understand, they never do... So I now put on that mask on it's just easier ,most people just don't care or understand..
I really just keep it all to my self now...hugs to all

Comment by Ammy on February 26, 2014 at 11:45am

Sending my prayers and loving thoughts to each of you.
I haven't been on much lately.  Some times there are just no words to say.
Dolly, a Happy B'day blessing to Brandon and you.  I am happy to hear you had a visit (dream).  I haven't had one of my son in so long, but I remember how sweet it was to see him.  Even if it's only a dream.  I have been praying to have one of him again.
Michelle, I know you wear the mask.  I believe we all wear it at some time.  It's nice to be able to take it off, but that doesn't happen as often as I would like.
Today is my dreadful Wednesday.  I am trying to stay busy.
Adrianne, I know how hard it is sometimes to look at the pictures.  I would always look at them in the beginning, then I went through a period like you're feeling.  I just couldn't look at him.  It was like I wanted him so bad, so I avoided them.  My heart is with you.
I pray you all have some better days. 

Comment by Michelle H on February 26, 2014 at 9:58am

Belated Happy Birthday to Brandon! I haven't been on here much to post recently, but each of you is in my heart everyday.

Comment by Michelle H on February 26, 2014 at 9:56am

Ammy, in regard to your mask poem, I live that way every day of my life. Always did, but more so since my son died.

Comment by Teresa D. on February 26, 2014 at 6:34am

I've been quite lately.  Just don't know what to say anymore.  When I read the posts I just want to hit the agree button.  I'm so burned out!

My daughter is sick from the meds they are giving her to help her get pregnant.  I know she is putting herself through this for me.  I want to tell her to STOP! I'm afraid of what is going to happen.  She has enough health issues without adding to them.  I told her she can adopt.  I'd love any baby or child brought into our lives. 

I'm sorry to say this Anne, but the thought of losing her too is just too much for me.  I know you had to endure the unthinkable so I feel bad expressing it.  But I'm scared.

She wants to do this. 

She also took Michael's jersey's and had a quilt made out of it.  I'll be picking it up tomorrow.  I know this is going to be very emotional.  Michael was know for wearing his jersey's.  I didn't know what to do with them.  At first I was going to give one to all my nieces and nephews and a few of his friends,  but when the time came I couldn't part with them.  I just hope they still smell like him. 

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