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Comment by Jane P on March 5, 2014 at 8:30am

I wish we could all have coffee together.

Comment by Jane P on March 5, 2014 at 8:28am

While reading about a bereaved Mom who had lost her 18 month old child, she used a phrase that stuck with me. She said "when you come out on the other side".....

I guess I wonder when I will "come out on the other side".

Who will we be then?

Comment by Teresa D. on March 5, 2014 at 6:11am

L Rauk, sometimes I think we are re-victimized through the court system.  But just keep your faith and in the end it will do what it needs to do. 

Dolly your right!  Where do we move on?  Because I don't know either. I agree it's more "going on" then it is "moving on".  I know time will pass but I just can't ever see "moving on".  this is now a part of who I am.

Ammy I also agree with you.  It's hard but we can only do one day at a time.  I know the one year mark and his birthday are very hard days to deal with.  I did much better this year than last year on Michael's birthday but I had to make every effort to make it that way.  I still broke down, I was still depressed but I made it past the bathroom floor and that's all that matters to me.  It was a small step but to me it was a huge step not to spend the day on that floor.

It's exhausting to be ok. 

Comment by Lynn Williams on March 4, 2014 at 7:43pm

Thank you everyone for being here. Reading your posts helps me to realize we can lean on each other for support and are not alone.
Hugs to all Lynn

Comment by Ammy on March 4, 2014 at 1:04pm

L Rauk, you are right about others moving on, and we do feel like we're left alone, but as Connie said, "we are here".  That is why we come here.  We know everyone understands us.  When we are feeling lost, weepy, crazy, or when we have some good news to share.  Just like we have blood family, adopted family, friends as family, this is kind of like a 'grief family'.  Individually we can't always be here, but someone usually is.

As for the first year, for me it's an every year event.  The birthdays, the anniversaries.  We know it's coming and we're checking off the numbers in disbelief.  That is why I now concentrate on each day and try not to look ahead.  I do at times, but I make myself come back to today.  It doesn't help us to go further.  We have a plateful each day to eat as it is.

Sending blessings & hugs to all.

Comment by Connie K on March 4, 2014 at 12:27pm

L Rauk - it does seem to feel that way as time goes on - nobody can feel the crushing grief that we carry so we feel all alone in it. But you're not alone. We are here for you and I know how it feels to be involved in a court case. My son was killed as a passenger in a car where his "friend " was driving crazy. We were compassionate at the trial and asked his felony to be reduced to a misdemeanor because it didn't seem to serve anyone for him to go to jail. But sometimes I wish he were. He missed his court date 2 weeks ago and they issued a warrant for his arrest. I decided I did not care what happens now. His choices have landed him where ever he will land. But is very difficult to go into those courtrooms and relive the nightmare and see that person who took your baby away. I pray it is over quickly for you and your family. Have you checked out any local support groups?

Michele, I will be holding you close in my heart this month. March 31 is also my son's birthday. Ammy's right, that first year mark is so tough, but it too passes and we have to try to keep out thoughts focused on just getting through each day.

Adrianne, sending you hugs. These ebbs and flows are just the way it is I guess. I know your prayers are being heard even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Sending everybody prayers and hope for a better day. At least we will be getting an extra hour of daylight next week. Don't forget to set your clocks forward! (((   )))

Comment by Michelle H on March 3, 2014 at 9:41pm

Ammy, thank you for your kind thoughts. They are wise ones and really appreciated. You made a really good point about hitting the one year mark: when it's over, it's over.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 3, 2014 at 8:03pm

It is getting to be about 17 months out from my son's passing and everyone has pretty much moved on; I know it is to be expected though. We are still going through the court process as the girl who ran him over is being charged...this will last until next August. We are very much alone now...

Comment by Ammy on March 3, 2014 at 4:56pm

Michelle, I know this must be weighing on you and I'm no expert but if you could just try and stay in the day.  Don't fill your mind with all the dates.  It will wear you down.  Your biggest day will be the one year mark.  I can't explain that, but once you make it through it's gone, just like each day now.  

Are you planning on doing anything for that day?  I really did not feel like doing anything any day, but the family wanted to.  We had home movies playing for those that wanted to watch and we did a balloon release with notes attached to the balloons.  Some light snacks, cake.  I'm really glad now that they did it.  Our children are forgotten way too fast.

I will hold you in my prayers.  Hugs.

Comment by Michelle H on March 3, 2014 at 2:52pm

March is the BAD month. My mother died March 10, 1960 and my son died March 21, 2013. It's also the month of my grandson's, my husband's, and my birthdays. I can't believe Chris will be gone a whole year.

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