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Comment by Teresa D. on March 12, 2014 at 6:20am

Anne, I am so sorry about the loss of your friend and I wish you well.

Anne, you have helped us become "wise".  

Sometimes I think the silence is they just don't know what to say or do, without realizing we just need to know they are there. 

As we all know those who haven't experienced this have no clue to the grief our hearts feel. 

This whole thing is remolding who I am.  Part of me is lost, part of me is gone and part of me is new.  Not so sure what I'm going to look like when the remolding is done. 

An extra prayer to those who are experiencing health issues. I know this wears our hearts, mind and body down.

I went to a party over the weekend.  Seen some people I haven't seen in years.  As soon as they asked me how my kids were that was it....the rest of the night the only conversation I had was about Michael.  I have to learn how to control that. 

Here you don't care if I ramble on but in the rest of the world you can see in their faces they want you to stop.  Sometimes it's hard to stop.  When I caught myself I kept adding, I'm sorry I'm still a grieving mom.

The other day I saw an easel in someone's trash.  Michael had one when he was little.  Didn't see it coming but seeing the easel made me cry.  Yet this morning I saw a daycare on the news named "Michael's Energy Factory" and it made me laugh. 

Comment by Davi Burford on March 11, 2014 at 4:27pm

Went today and got Dylans personal effects from the sheriffs today. It was really hard, I guess I thought it would be easy just having it but having it just made me ball my eyes out. I am glad I have them but its just been a really sad time. The weather here is getting warm finally but its Louisiana so I am sure next week it will be back cold again. Prayers & Hugs to everyone

Comment by Ammy on March 11, 2014 at 1:56pm

My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you all.  

Anne, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and praying that your health is improving.

Michelle, I can only support you from where I am, but when the time comes I'm sure we all will be with you in our hearts.  You can count on that.

I have been having anxiety attacks again.  No way to control except by medication.  I believe they are being caused by my subconscious, as I physically/mentally try to avoid thinking about the 'trigger' areas. It doesn't really seem to work.  Each season change I seem to go through this as I think of what he did during those seasons.  Crazy?  Maybe.  I know that I sometimes feel that way.

I also think it's the feeling of feeling alone.  Abandoned by those we thought would always be here for us.  Their silence is worse than if they would scream at me.  ???  Confused, and I thought it was improving.  I had a few decent months about a year ago.  I guess it's time to surrender as Jane had mentioned.  It's not going to go away, and I have been doing a lot of thinking again.

Tomorrow will be 191 weeks.  I don't want to count the weeks anymore, but I can't stop.  My daughter says it's not healthy.  I want to laugh at that.  Then the other day she said something like she doesn't get as upset any more because she knows he is not suffering anymore.  I told her it has nothing to do with his suffering.  I know that, but it doesn't stop me from missing him, from wanting to see him, to talk to him, to hug him.  Her answer, 'I know'.  Then the silence.

Sorry for rambling on, but I needed to get some of these things out.  Expressing our feelings by writing to ourselves or others can sometimes clear away those cobwebs that are getting so thick.  

I hope this week is being kinder and gentler to you all.

Comment by Connie K on March 11, 2014 at 11:24am

Lynn as tough as it is, you know that that is the place Kyra loved and choose to live. Her spirit will be with you all and I'm sure you will feel the love. We've never been to Montana but my husband's sister went to college there and now another friend is going there and she send pics. It's so beautiful. just like Kyra. sending love.

Anne & Dolly - praying for your health to improve

Hugs to EVERYONE going through this! ((( )))

Comment by Michelle H on March 11, 2014 at 10:03am

Thanks to all who have given me your comments on the upcoming memorial to honor Chris' one year anniversary. I'm thinking it will be harder to go through that day (April 6th) than the actual anniversary of his death (March 21). Plus my birthday is this Thursday and it's just not a celebration anymore.

Anne, I'm so sorry for the death of your friend and yet another loss for you, on top of being hospitalized.

Lynn, we will all support you this summer when you inter Kyra's ashes.

Vasanthi, you are always sharing such meaningful thoughts.

Jane, I love your very kind thought in which you state that your heart hears my heart. What a lovely way to put it.

Connie, you are always so supportive.

To everyone not named (and not because I don't think of each of you), my hugs and prayers are with you each and every day.

Comment by Vasanthi S on March 11, 2014 at 8:57am

Comment by anne on March 10, 2014 at 9:40pm

Oh Lynn, I wish I lived closer to Missoula. I live in the south west corner of ND. Right on the SD, Montana border. Many blessings to you, and your family.

Comment by Lynn Williams on March 10, 2014 at 9:12pm

Anne I am so sorry for the lost of your friend. Sending a healing prayer for your health. Michelle I so understand what you mean when you say moving from numbness to awareness. When our children no longer live at home when they die it's hard to face the reality of their passing. My husband is having a head stone carved and we will bury her ashes in the cemetery this summer. My two step-sons, and my other daughter are gathering together with us in Montana for Kyra's birthday. My daughter is running in the Missoula marathon to honor her sister. Having to make plans for our stay in the town Kyra lived in at the time of her death is bringing it all back intensely. I don't know how I will get through it this July. I am hoping being together with my family will help me. I don't want to go to Montana again but we all need to celebrate her birthday in a place she loved. How we all continue on is a testament to the human spirit and the love we have for our children. I am thinking of everyone here on this site tonight and sending love

Comment by Jane P on March 10, 2014 at 8:50pm

I'm so sorry Anne. Death has become part of our lives. Grief is our constant companion.
You said you were in hospital? How are you?
I wish you well.

Comment by Connie K on March 10, 2014 at 6:53pm

Anne I am so sorry for your recent loss. I will send all the healing prayers and love for you and your recovery. It is so much harder to deal with grief when you are sick.

Michele - hugs to you . It will be tough but healing also I think. ((( )))

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