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Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 26, 2014 at 12:41am

No dreams of my son. Why?

Comment by Davi Burford on March 25, 2014 at 10:17pm

I went to my first in person support group tonight..... it was very uncomfortable at first, i dont like the whole group talking thing its different here online. I think i will go back next Tue the people are nice and they said they only go "around the circle" (which is the uncomfortable part)when they have new people which me and my husband were but over all i'm glad we went. Is it wrong for me to think my husband over shares. I mean he didn't say anything wrong i just felt like he told too much or would go on about one of our other children, and i felt like we arn't there to talk about the siblings,but i guess we are there to talk about whatever we need to. Thank you to everyone here.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 25, 2014 at 7:49pm

Thanks Connie, Grace, Teresa and Michelle for the responses...

I have to put on a total "face" for the sake of my daughter...she too is the only one left of my children...

Teresa, "I also know there will NEVER be a day I don't want my Michael so I NEVER see I day when I will get over this."

This is so true, every day I wake up I remember, oh yea, my life with Jesse in this realm is over...then the silent scream...

That is all the further I get...I cannot even begin to think a future...that is just so overwhelming at this point...it is  just to get through this one day.

 

Comment by Teresa D. on March 25, 2014 at 6:41pm

No Grace it isn't fair.

LR, my friends kids are getting married and having babies.  I do go to the showers and weddings, I'm the sad one in the corner, but while it makes me sad I don't want to look back and see that I missed their life events all together.  I guess it depends on what you can handle and what your relationship is with those friends.

Last week I kinda fell a part on my daughter. I really try not to do that to her, just because I know she feels a very overwhelming sense of responsibility being the only child now.  She also thinks it is her job to fix my broken heart.

All I know is this is the greatest pain I have ever felt in my life.  I also know there will NEVER be a day I don't want my Michael so I NEVER see I day when I will get over this.  However, I do look for a day when the thought of Michael is more about his life than his death. I want to smile and not cry when I think of him.  If I could go to heaven and get him I would, but I can't.  

 

Comment by Grace on March 25, 2014 at 5:37pm

Random....life and Death.... so Random.....  lost the maid of honor from our wedding last week.... 49..... her Mom said to me.... "It's not fair".... then she said,"But you already know this with losing Niles, don't you"   and I said "yes it isn't fair and it is gonna be bad for a long time.... but some days a little ray of sun will come back.... then it will suck again....." 

Comment by Connie K on March 25, 2014 at 1:00am

I know. it all just really sucks

Comment by Michelle H on March 24, 2014 at 6:13pm

It's amazing how so many times, the one who causes a fatal accident escapes unscathed. Not that I wish s/he didn't, but I wish the victim had escaped harm, too.

Comment by Connie K on March 24, 2014 at 5:45pm

I'm so sorry LR. I know how that feels. The driver of the car that my son was in decided to pass a car on the shoulder of the road! The shoulder ran out...the driver was fine

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 24, 2014 at 4:11pm

And so angry that my son died because of a totally reckless driver who should not have been on the road. She had no insurance, had been cited for other driving issues...

She was the "lone bullet" on the road that day...as this is a very quiet route normally where my son was driving...he was driving on his motorcyle on his way to a doctor's appt. when she came into his lane...I had to read in the paper that she did not even "realize she hit a person" right after the accident...that is how dense this person is...

...I also had to learn from the paper that he "flinched" before the accident...so he knew what was coming at him...

 

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 24, 2014 at 4:01pm

Been reading the comments from all of you...

I was wondering...something I am having difficulty with...I found that I feel unable to be around certain people (friends and such) from before my child passed simply because their children are still here. I do not wish anything bad for them, but the reminder of not having my son here is simply overwhelming...and to see others continue on their life it has become a marker of some type in my mind...

 

Also, I have been having to be more careful of what I say around my daughter regarding her brother's death...she seems to not be able to handle the grief and is suffering from intense anxiety attacks...yet I find myself "stuffing" it all until I can be alone...it is frustrating.

I am so mad this is my life... 

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