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Comment by Vasanthi S on March 27, 2014 at 12:50pm

Been reading everything..L R, Teresa, Connie, Dolly, Michelle, Adrianne, Davi how i wish I could lessen this grief.. while we feel connected to our darling children when we grieve I know that I am trying to find a way to connect through peace too... It happens that when I firmly decide to sit quietly in front of an altar or any corner n tell myself that I will allow for peace to pervade me and not grief as grief is this alien thing eating me up, sometimes I am successful, sometimes though I desperately want the past with my son in it, and wonder why the hell am I living on, what can be so compelling which snatches away ones very life itself and leaves the other to twitch in despair and helplessness? what possible lesson can there be?we are supposed to learn what?

i give up! but xoxoxoxox and hugssss to all here 

Comment by Connie K on March 27, 2014 at 12:01pm

Oh Adrianne I wish I could answer the whys and the what ifs. Sometimes we don't see the signs they leave for us because of all the pain. Maybe your son is there in other ways. Peace to you and everyone today - sending all the love and hope I can

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on March 26, 2014 at 12:41am

No dreams of my son. Why?

Comment by Davi Burford on March 25, 2014 at 10:17pm

I went to my first in person support group tonight..... it was very uncomfortable at first, i dont like the whole group talking thing its different here online. I think i will go back next Tue the people are nice and they said they only go "around the circle" (which is the uncomfortable part)when they have new people which me and my husband were but over all i'm glad we went. Is it wrong for me to think my husband over shares. I mean he didn't say anything wrong i just felt like he told too much or would go on about one of our other children, and i felt like we arn't there to talk about the siblings,but i guess we are there to talk about whatever we need to. Thank you to everyone here.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on March 25, 2014 at 7:49pm

Thanks Connie, Grace, Teresa and Michelle for the responses...

I have to put on a total "face" for the sake of my daughter...she too is the only one left of my children...

Teresa, "I also know there will NEVER be a day I don't want my Michael so I NEVER see I day when I will get over this."

This is so true, every day I wake up I remember, oh yea, my life with Jesse in this realm is over...then the silent scream...

That is all the further I get...I cannot even begin to think a future...that is just so overwhelming at this point...it is  just to get through this one day.

 

Comment by Teresa D. on March 25, 2014 at 6:41pm

No Grace it isn't fair.

LR, my friends kids are getting married and having babies.  I do go to the showers and weddings, I'm the sad one in the corner, but while it makes me sad I don't want to look back and see that I missed their life events all together.  I guess it depends on what you can handle and what your relationship is with those friends.

Last week I kinda fell a part on my daughter. I really try not to do that to her, just because I know she feels a very overwhelming sense of responsibility being the only child now.  She also thinks it is her job to fix my broken heart.

All I know is this is the greatest pain I have ever felt in my life.  I also know there will NEVER be a day I don't want my Michael so I NEVER see I day when I will get over this.  However, I do look for a day when the thought of Michael is more about his life than his death. I want to smile and not cry when I think of him.  If I could go to heaven and get him I would, but I can't.  

 

Comment by Grace on March 25, 2014 at 5:37pm

Random....life and Death.... so Random.....  lost the maid of honor from our wedding last week.... 49..... her Mom said to me.... "It's not fair".... then she said,"But you already know this with losing Niles, don't you"   and I said "yes it isn't fair and it is gonna be bad for a long time.... but some days a little ray of sun will come back.... then it will suck again....." 

Comment by Connie K on March 25, 2014 at 1:00am

I know. it all just really sucks

Comment by Michelle H on March 24, 2014 at 6:13pm

It's amazing how so many times, the one who causes a fatal accident escapes unscathed. Not that I wish s/he didn't, but I wish the victim had escaped harm, too.

Comment by Connie K on March 24, 2014 at 5:45pm

I'm so sorry LR. I know how that feels. The driver of the car that my son was in decided to pass a car on the shoulder of the road! The shoulder ran out...the driver was fine

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