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Comment by Vasanthi S on August 20, 2016 at 9:44pm

No the years do not ease the pain. Have been crying all day on and off and the worst thing is that I have to cry unobserved or else have to go into why I'm crying and how many times do I say well I miss my son soooo bad. Patty and Dick, I hope somehow you got the strength to face the day. Danny, Kyra, Daniel, Brandon, all the sweet children we lost , you are all LOVED.

Michelle H. Teresa D, Dolly, Connie,Jill, I feel so so helpless. 

Today my son's friend called,he is in NJ and I have taught him in school too. He learnt of my son's pasing two years after it happened and has been trying to get my email id. He said he missed him so much that he had called another childhood friend of theirs and got it from his mom.

I was so touched and also so shaken. He told me how kind Shreyas always was and how they used to meet up whether in Dubai or India , wherever each happened to be and also that he is now getting married and wanted me to be there. I told him he has all my love and good wishes but for a while do not have plans of visiting India where the marriage will be.

I don't know why I am writing all this , just that there is this huge sense of emptiness and loss, I just want to hear my son's voice and see him so bad , I just want to hear him joke about everything and laugh , I need him so much , nothing but nothing can compensate this terrible loss. I look forward to somehow being with him again, to feel connected and content as I used to feel.I used to be a happy person. Now I just feel annoyed, frustrated, weak,gloomy,angry.

I don't want to look at a photograph and say this is my son. When will this end?

Comment by Carolee Parsons on August 14, 2016 at 9:24pm

Jill I understand because the loss of a child at any age is so terrible.

Comment by Jill E on August 14, 2016 at 8:42pm

This is absolutely the most painful thing anyone should have to go through. I don't understand why us? Everyday I hurt. My youngest son and I just cried ourselves to pieces missing Josh so much. Having Derek so far away from me worries me so because I don't know how he is coping. I feel like a shell of the person I use to be. The mask I wear everyday gets so heavy. I wear the "happy" mask everyday...just to survive. WYWH My Joshie I love you so much and miss you with every ounce of my being.

Comment by Carolee Parsons on August 14, 2016 at 8:32pm

Thank you Sharnice and Jill.  This is so hard.

Comment by Sharnice on August 12, 2016 at 5:27am

Hi Carolee

we do understand you are not alone. And sorry for your loss. I had also didn,t want to go out of the house. life didn,t make sense to me after loosing my 15yrs old daughter. But we are here for you and will pray for you.

Comment by Jill E on August 11, 2016 at 9:41pm

Carolee, we understand, we truly do. Please know we are all here for you.

Comment by Carolee Parsons on August 11, 2016 at 8:38pm

My son, Dustin died on July 14, 2016 at age 32 of a rare dsease called MELAS.  I was taking care of him.  I feel lost, and rarely leave home.

Comment by Carolee Parsons on August 11, 2016 at 8:32pm

I am watching tv, reading, sleeping too much. I am finding it hard to concentrate on anything.  I am not getting things done.

Comment by Jill E on August 9, 2016 at 10:38pm

I wish I had words to help with the pain. I don't know if there are any, I know I haven't heard them. I talk to my therapist about how much support I get here. This is one of the,if not the only place were I can let loose. This is where we "talk" to each other. We have each other. I know that when I can't find one soul in my "world" that understands I have you all. Dolly know we are all here for you. I know how hard it was for me to go back to Sacramento-my home for 57 years and the place where I lost Josh. It was really hard to go home but I did it. Dolly I do understand where you are coming from. I am sending you love and support and all the strength I have. Hug

Comment by Dolly on August 9, 2016 at 9:15pm

as we plan for the beach my nerves are like wires ripped from the wall ... I'm a wreck... I feel so like I did right after Brandon died.... lost.... even my balance is off... all cold inside all the time..... ringing so loud in my ears.. panic mode hits from nowhere and nothing helps... maybe I'm not ready for this... I so want to be for my son Bo and my husband who both want to go to the beach so much.. I do too in some ways... but I can't seem to get this panic and fear under control... my heart goes out to all of you dealing with those days that don't have a name .. that we call 'anniversaries' or some such thing.. they never get easier I don't think.... different maybe but nothing changes deep down ... they are still gone to a place we can't really reach for now and its so lonely without them..

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