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Comment by Lynn Williams on April 29, 2014 at 8:30pm

Happy birthday LR. Our birthdays will never be the same nor will other holidays. It's been 8 months since Kyra died and I still can't really believe it. It has been the longest 8 months I have ever experienced. I am dreading July and August. I don't trust anything anymore. Hugs everyone

Comment by Connie K on April 29, 2014 at 8:23pm

LR I feel the same way. There's no deeper bond. There's just no deeper bond. When you spend your whole adult life working to make sure your child's life is good, what then? I think we just have to pay the love forward. It is our own journey to figure out how. Hugs

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 29, 2014 at 7:46pm

Thank you Vasanthi and Connie...

It is a hard day...

 

My son was my best friend and just understood me at a deep level...I miss him so much...

 

....I never dreamed I would be entering the second part of my life without him...my mind just blows apart when this thought tries to enter....

Comment by Vasanthi S on April 29, 2014 at 4:49pm

LR,

Happy Birthday. I know you wont be able to feel the joy of a birthday and neither do I but those who love you will feel the joy and I hope you feel the peace of your child's spirit on this day. I am sure that at the spirit level there is no grief and that there is more awareness so those who pass on are probably wanting our happiness and will feel happy ttoo.Give them to the  Lord and He will take care of our precious ones who are equally precious to Him. when I ramble on like this, I dont know what I am actually trying to say but just hoping that all here get some joy and peace in their lives ,,,,hugss to all

Comment by Connie K on April 29, 2014 at 4:38pm

Dearest LR

Happy Birthday to you. I know how hard it is to feel any joy on your own birthday. I know I felt like I just didn't want a birthday. Why should I get to have one when my son can't? But we carry on with the help of our children's spirit. But I hope you can feel some comfort from those who love you.

I honestly can't control myself and still cry openly in the day. Often I have to leave places because the wave of grief is just so overwhelming. It's been 16 months and it still feels like yesterday.

Sending everyone lots of love and prayers.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 29, 2014 at 2:24pm

Teresa, it looks like we are on about the same timetable...my son passed a little less than a month after yours...

A  girl talked to me this Sunday about Jesse and as she started she said "I know it has been a long time since Jesse passed..."

I thought not for me it hasn't been, I do not even remember 2013....It was suddenly I awoke from a coma this spring and discovered it to be 2014 with all of the nightmare a reality...

Today is my birthday...the only good thing about it is I am one year closer to my death...

 

The last few nights I have been dreaming of deeply weeping in them...and I feel this as I wake up each morning...it is my spirit crying in the night since I cannot always openly cry in the day...

Comment by Lynn Williams on April 29, 2014 at 9:02am

so true Teresa. I feel the same. I also can't believe I am still alive Adrianna 8 months later. Hugs to all today.

Comment by Teresa D. on April 29, 2014 at 5:43am

I seem to have fallen into a quite place.  Part of me thinks everyone is tired of hearing me.  I tell the same stories over and over to my friends and family.  I can't create new ones. 

I'm still crying daily which no one can believe.  I had Michael for 29 years and you want me to cry for 29 days.  No I'll cry until it doesn't hurt. 

I'm stuck between disbelief and reality.  Some days I can face it some days I can't believe it. 

I want to look for him so bad even though I know I can't find him.

I want to call his phone but I know he won't answer.

I miss all the little stupid things he did, like smash his own face with an ice cream cake.  OUCH!

Progress is so slooooooow and painful.

I just want my Michael. 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on April 29, 2014 at 2:37am

Reading through your posts the word final hit me like someone just plucked out my heart. How is it that we are all still even here to write about such sadness? I thought I died when my son did.

Comment by anne on April 28, 2014 at 7:51pm

Vasanthi, thank you for bringing back a good memory for me. When Lil Del was still alive he loved his kiss goodnight. When he turned 12 he told me that I could still kiss him goodnight, but because he was becoming a man I had to go to giving him his goodnight kiss on his forehead. Out of all my memories that goodnight kiss is the most precious. Knowing that I will have to wait to kiss him goodnight again hurts my heart, but I pray the day will come when I do get to kiss him goodnight once more. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can picture my sweet little boy bending down for me to kiss him. It sucks that I can't kiss or hug either one of my boys anymore on this earth.

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