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Comment by Connie K on May 19, 2014 at 5:51pm

Vasanthi - what a precious baby pic. And I love your paintings and am so glad you have found that outlet. I used to paint watercolors (and oil long ago in college). Now I need a class to go to. I just can't motivate myself at home alone. But It is like gardening, You can just get lost for awhile in art.

Comment by Teresa D. on May 19, 2014 at 2:24pm

Adorable baby!!!!!!

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 19, 2014 at 12:04pm

Oh dolly, I use oil paints , I have only started now as long ago when I was in my teens I used to go to an aunt's place who used to paint and she would teach me when she had some time. There was one of 3 birds which when Micks was a baby and I used to feed him his cereal, I would hold the spoon to one of the bird's mouth and tell him, Ok, this is for mummy bird, this is for baby bird and then would get the spoon to his mouth and he would open his mouth to gulp the cereal...my beautiful beautiful baby...attaching one pic of Shreyas when he was just a few months old...hurts even to just look at the pic :(

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 19, 2014 at 11:57am

It fels so nice , really to be told that the paintings are liked.. I painted one of rainbow over troubled waters and that was my way of seeing how high up above there is a rainbow holding us up to look for the bright colours and love.. Anne, Michelle, Dolly, Teresa, Connie and all who I have not named but who are so much in my heart, I think anne has put it beautifully, the struggle, the damn pain of irrevocable loss and somehow holding on to the fact that this can't be all, it simply cannot be so awful and our children will certainly be in enchanted realms and I would love to feel that every moment they are happy and are helping us cos one day we will meet again and we will be happy. here;'s the rainbow,,,, till then we will focus on making the troubled waters a serene lovely place inside our hearts... just hugsss to you all, my brave brave friends..

Comment by anne on May 18, 2014 at 10:37pm

The paintings are beautiful. What a wonderful way to express yourself. I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't shine every day. Somedays are not as bright as others, and some days are down right dark. How do we handle it? Well I handle it one day, and one step at a time. There's just no sugar coating anything about this kind of grief. I don't believe this is a test or a punishment. It's Life. I'm not sure what it all means, but I know it's not meaningless. This is life, and there's always going to be tough times. There's just no getting around it. I have learned to be a fighter. It's my way of surviving. I try to work hard at looking for the light because I need it, and I want it. I don't always get it, but when I do I bask in it.  It's all about trial and error. I feel I have nothing to loose by taking a chance. I have already been through the worst a mom can go through twice. I know a lot of people don't like the whole time thing, but from my experience time has been my saving grace. Time, and faith. The two things that only I can  give to myself. Please be patient with yourselves. This kind of grief is like a full time job. Move two steps forward, fall three steps back. That's just how it works. I do know however it can be done. Maybe not every day, but a person does get to a place where there are more good days than bad. I also have learned on this journey that most folks don't really care much one way or another how we deal with this loss. They can't feel our pain. They don't know our struggle, and most are too afraid to get involved, so we are on our own. I feel that if I don't take care of myself no one else will. When I'm feeling bad no one else really cares. I'm ok with that, and I understand it. That's why I do my best, because it only matters to me, and I do believe it matters to my sons in Heaven. Peace, and Love to all.

Comment by Michelle W on May 18, 2014 at 6:43pm

The paintings are beautiful.. I love them both... The minute I finish a project I'm at lose, what do I do now? Then I start creating a new one.. Every day is a challenge.. But I love the art work... And those painting are so cool..
Michelle W

Comment by Teresa D. on May 18, 2014 at 10:29am

Love your paintings.  I see the light beyond the darkness.

Merry, I wish I had an answer for you.  Each person is dealing with their own feelings in their own way.  It painful and exhausting to face it.  My mother kept her silence for 20 months because she felt if she had done something different it would not have happened.  Yesterday my sister said she regretted an little argument with Michael over a tasty cake.  Me I asked myself over and over why didn't I hear something in his voice. Some members in your family might be carrying around these little guilts and regrets and it's hard for them to talk about them.

To me the tasty cake argument is stupid and would not change anything but my sister can't stop thinking about it and regretting it.

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 18, 2014 at 7:58am

one more as the earlier one seems so 'dark'..xoxoxox to all here 

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 18, 2014 at 7:56am

Project sounds like a fine idea ... i started painting. My loving husband keeps encouraging every time i paint and i try and keep busy ....yet you all know only too well how it feels.. attaching one painting for you all here..

Comment by Bern on May 17, 2014 at 6:36pm

When you can not handle a day like today, just sleep. I just could not stay woke. I could not interact or pretend anymore. Everyday I pretend all day long around others. When I get home, I just cried and put myself in bed. I know if I wake tomorrow, It will be another day to suffer and deal with missing my son all over again.

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