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Comment by Dolly on November 7, 2014 at 7:36pm

Saw two strange things up at the mountain house... last tues we were sitting on the back porch when we saw a bright flash with a blue or green component way off in the woods... just a glimpse but I've never seen anything like it before in all these years.. my husband said it might be space junk or a 'falling star' piece... then today at the mountain house we were playing music and I noticed little dancing lights on the floor next to me... they were sort of jiggling around and I looked all around at the sources of light coming into the room but I couldn't see anything to make that jiggly light... once it stood still for a bit but then went back to jiggling.. then it left.... wonder if I'll see it again... ever since Brandon died so many odd things have happened involving electricity and light....

Comment by Connie K on November 7, 2014 at 4:55pm

Lynn you will be in my heart  today. Have a happy birthday and know that Kyra is sending down lots of love your way. (((  )))

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 7, 2014 at 2:45pm

Lynn, You will be in my thoughts and prayers, I know how empty and desolate a birthday can be and want you to know that you are loved and Kyra is with you.

Comment by kim on November 7, 2014 at 11:49am

lynn I know  Kyra will be with you on your b day, and I know the emptiness you feel, please take care   love and hugs  kim

Comment by Michelle H on November 7, 2014 at 11:10am

Lynn, I wish you a birthday weekend filled with happy memories of Kyra. I pray you feel her presence stronger than ever so you can be assured she remains with you and always will be there.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on November 7, 2014 at 9:25am

There is something about the change of seasons that seems to bring about the finality of everything in a whole new way.

Dolly, I do not really know myself either these days...

Comment by Lynn Williams on November 7, 2014 at 8:58am

All the leaves are down except my two brilliant red Japanese Maples. Its definitely grey November here in Vermont. Tomorrow is my birthday and I will listen to an old Beatles song  "When I'm 64.  Some days the grief of losing Kyra is so strong this time of year, with no gardening in sight for many months and the beautiful flowers to ease my soul it will be 15 months since her death in a week .  I can feel the intense constant pain of the first months has eased greatly, but not the emptiness in my heart.  We all seem to be going through many intense feelings with the change of seasons and less light in our lives. Thank you all for the support. Love to all here Lynn   

Comment by Dolly on November 7, 2014 at 8:20am

Reading these three statements today ... they say what I want to say but never can find the words...

You  don’t care enough to care. If you could care about what was going on, it might scare you, so you   don’t want to care about anything.[TERRIFY me is what it does... I can't even FATHOM losing another dear one and yet that very real possibility haunts my every moment... do I stay in a fog constantly trying to keep my mind from going 'there' but the mind has a mind of its own....]

When you allow yourself to experience depression, it will leave as soon as it has served its purpose in your loss. [whenever will THAT be I wonder and how does one NOT allow oneself to experience THIS depression????]

Anyway, it doesn't matter how much, how often, or how closely you keep an eye on things because you can't control it. Sometimes things and people just go. Just like that.

[and THAT is my greatest fear of all.... the terror that has changed me forever...]

something else...

the last time we went to the mountain my little 'dancing tree' had DISAPPEARED... well at first I thought that, but then I realized it had lost EVERY SINGLE ONE of its beautiful golden leaves... well that was a shock ... but come spring you better believe I will be looking for those green buds ... somehow it felt like I had lost Brandon again.. in some weird way... I'm so strange even to myself now... my mind works in ways that I seem to have little or no control over... like I'm a puppet that has to do what its told... I hope God is the puppetmaster...

Comment by kim on November 7, 2014 at 6:37am

Teresa, I feel the same way, we know 3 people older then my son, that just had heart attacks and they lived,  I feel they are a lot older then shawn, why do they get a second chance and my baby did not. it breaks my heart but that's the way I feel. its not fare, its just not.

Comment by Teresa D. on November 7, 2014 at 6:19am

Laurie, thank you for that reading. 

On the news was the girl abducted in Philadelphia.  that's the city I come from and the neighborhood she was abducted from was the neighborhood I grew up in.  when the story first hit I sat and cried for the parents.  Then I spent the next few days praying they would be able to find their daughter alive and not live this hell. 

Good news she was found and she is alive.  First I felt a strong feeling of relief for that family and then I felt mad.  Under my breathe I said "lucky you" and walked away from the TV, went in my room and cried.

Why did they get their daughter back and I can't have my Michael back?  Now I feel guilty for having such thoughts.

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