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Comment by Sandy Hendrix on November 21, 2014 at 12:51pm

This year my boyfriend and I moved in together, I'd been commuting to AZ for the last 8 years. This should be our happy time and I am just SO angry, I don't know how to deal with the anger.  I've invited Randy's dad to Thanksgiving and that makes me mad too, but I can't let the man be alone, our 20 year old daughter will be with us.  Randy lived with his dad and his dad found him.  I know he is in great pain as well.  My bf is so supportive and so wonderful and this is all so hard on him also. The range of emotions is just making me sick...how to deal with all that?

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on November 21, 2014 at 12:42pm

Oh Dolly and Lynn, that is truly something to be thankful for - your hubbies in remission. Thanks for your support, I'm having such a hard time today. The last two years Randy spent Thanksgiving with his best friend in Mammoth and now all I hear on the radio is ads for Mammoth.  It's like you want to crawl in a hole and never look at anything that can remind you and not think either.  I cant stop torturing myself with "what if" and then I think maybe I'm doing ok and I remember he's not here and it is the most awful deep pain that makes you want to just run away, but there is nowhere to run to.

Comment by Lynn Williams on November 21, 2014 at 10:02am

Sandy, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I lost my daughter, Kyra 15 months ago. Please know we are all here for you. Dolly I am so happy for your family that your husband is in remission. My husband is also in remission from prostate cancer.  Getting through Thanksgiving will be such a tough one. I am going to my nephew's engagement party tomorrow night. Thank god my husband and daughter will make the three hour trip with me. Love to all here.

Comment by Dolly on November 21, 2014 at 8:55am

we got some wonderful news yesterday.. my husband, after two years of grueling treatment, is now officially in remission... now I DO have something to feel joy and hope about... but it will never take away the pain of losing Brandon... I guess I have to stop always clouding over the good things with pain of his loss... I really WANT to be able to do that..

Comment by Linda on November 21, 2014 at 8:00am

Sandy, your words ring so true to me. Oh, the pain.

Love and prayers to all the unfortunates on this site.

Comment by Teresa D. on November 20, 2014 at 4:25pm

Connie thank you for sharing that. 

Sandy, my heart is with you.  We know how hard the first few moments, days, months and even years are. All I can say right now is my heart is with you and we are all here for you.

Dolly, how true...I never knew what it was like to want something so bad either.

Also thank you for the support that everyone is giving me right now.  It means a lot to me. 

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on November 20, 2014 at 3:55pm

Thank you Connie, sadly I don't live with his room, we had sold our house in April to try and get away from the drugs on the street.  He went with his dad. I have mixed emotions about the room, it would break my heart to be with the room he grew up in, but not having his stuff with me also breaks my heart.  I like the 5 candles, thank you.

Comment by Connie K on November 20, 2014 at 3:52pm

The dad said that the poem helps others understand that our grief never ends and opens the door for them to talk about our child and remember them with us. Instead of dancing around the awkward silence that fills the air when people just aren't sure what to say. I think it also acknowledges that our love never dies and that they are always with us

Comment by Connie K on November 20, 2014 at 3:49pm

Well I lost most of my message that came before the poem.

Sandy, my son died on Dec. 1 2012 and we had also bought his gifts. We found friends that would use the gifts (music production gear) as Daniel would have wanted it. But I still buy him little presents like bells and candles and take them to his room and talk to him. We all share your pain and understand what you are going through, i hope you can find some support and comfort here. Sending you prayers

This poem came from The Compassionate Friends website, posted by a grieving dad.

Comment by Connie K on November 20, 2014 at 3:46pm

here it is

5 Candles As we light these five candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, one for our love and one for our hope.

#1 - This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you. #2 - This candle represents our courage – to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to change our lives.
#3 - This candle is in your memory – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, and the caring and joy you gave to us.
#4 - This candle is the light of love. As we enter this holiday season, day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us.
#5 - And this candle is the light of hope. It reminds us of the love and the memories of you that are ours forever. May the glow of the flame be our source of hopefulness now and forever. We love you.

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