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Comment by Connie K on December 3, 2014 at 4:36pm

Sandy, if your heart is telling you to put up the stocking, you should altho i appreciate you are juggling everyone's feelings and expectations. But you are his mother. And if having a stocking was something that brought you and your son joy then it would be a tribute to him to have it there. Hopefully if you tell your daughter gently that this would be in memory of him and that it would help you also, she will understand.

But this is something only you can know. No matter what you will be sad and if the stocking helps, why not?

I still buy my son gifts. It helps me. This weekend was very difficult. We went away for the "angelverssary" and I bought a tibetan singing bowl that had the OHM symbol in the 7 sacred metals (he had that tattoo). I have a small collection of these and had gotten Daniel his own. But none like this. I feel that music, sound, bells, vibrations transcend dimensions and that he can "hear" and definitely feel them. I get special candles also. You could get one to put in the stocking and burn fit or him on Christmas Day. You could fill it with notes or poems from family members written to him as a way to express their feelings and then send the messages up with balloons or read them if they wish. I'm sure you can think of many small ways to still give him gifts.

This way it is not just an empty stocking and a sad reminder that no one will be there to open it the next morning. I truly believe he will be there in spirit and will see the beautiful love you can still share.

That you are even decorating shows your strength. I still haven't been able to pull out our Christmas tree decorations or have a tree for 2 years. But he was my only so I don't have to do it for the sake of other children. And I realize that what I am suggesting may be too difficult if your other children are upset by it and in their own grief... so follow your heart

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on December 3, 2014 at 12:59pm

I think that is a good idea Michelle, thank you... the last few years, my daughter and I were in AZ after Christmas and I always put both stockings up there even though Randy didn't come, it feels too weird with it not being up, ha like anything feels normal anymore.

Comment by Michelle H on December 3, 2014 at 12:43pm

Sandy, you could hang it in a spot where you could only see it if you specifically looked for it. You'd know it's there and could see it when you want to. There's nothing "wrong" at all about wanting to have a remembrance of your son on the tree.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on December 3, 2014 at 12:38pm

Everything is so confusing, Ammy one part of me thinks I should hang it and one part of me thinks I will cry every time I look at it...This is all so friggin hard.

Comment by Ammy on December 3, 2014 at 12:21pm

Sandy, I understand how your daughter feels but if you would feel better having his stocking up I think you should hang it.  We need to experience our memories because that is really all we have left.

I have a silly reindeer in a rocking chair that sings Grandma got run over by a reindeer that my son gave me.  I have to put it out each year because it does make me remember how he thought it was so funny.

We are not being selfish or trying to hurt other family members when we are doing something to help ourselves.  Just my opinion.

Blessings of hope, love, and peace to each of you during this season.

Comment by Ammy on December 3, 2014 at 12:14pm

Michelle, I used that song when I made my first video in the first year.  It really touched my heart and was so true but it's even harder for me to listen to it now.  Back then it was comforting, but now ........ well you know.

Jane, I was thinking of you yesterday and sent prayers for you.  

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on December 3, 2014 at 12:02pm

Started decorating for Christmas last night.  Hung the Christmas stockings but one is missing.  First time in 18 years, I wanted to hang Randy's up but my daughter said no, that would be wrong.  OMG how it hurts to look at them and not see his. God give us strength to get through these holidays.

Comment by Michelle H on December 3, 2014 at 11:20am

On Monday at our meeting of The Compassionate Friends, there was a candlelightingredients and slideshow of photos of our children who have passed. The slides were accompanied by several poignant songs. Here is one I'd like to share with each of you.Karen Taylor Good- Precious Child lyrics: http://youtu.be/pHiq3lfw9mc

Comment by Michelle H on December 3, 2014 at 11:16am

Jane, thinking of you with love and compassion.

Comment by Connie K on December 2, 2014 at 4:24pm

Hugs to you Jane ((( )))

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