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Comment by Leslie C on December 10, 2014 at 10:46am

Linda, my momma died a couple of years ago, and I did not dream of her for a while....I do not really believe I could have lived thru them in the first months. The reality of my loss, of my grief, was just too new. By the time I did dream of her, I could face her and not cry. I am not sure if this is something that others would experience--it is the way it happened with me. I did not dream of her for a year or more, and then when I did--I dreamed of giving her a perm! In the last 20 years, I had lived far enough away that I was lucky to see her a couple of times a year. When I did see her, I would almost always give her a perm! In recent times it was just too costly for her to pay someone else to do it. Those times where the times we spent together, one on one. We talked, we laughed, we listened to old country songs. She loved T G Sheppard! I guess those were our best times together, once I was an adult. By the time I dreamed about her, I still woke up crying but I could also really appreciate that I had been able to spend those moments with her again.

Now with Aaron, I am not I do not know how long it will be till I dream of him. My subconscious will protect me, I am sure. When I am ready, he will be there for me, just as he is in my heart every day. I do look forward to it, for I long to be with him more than anything. I am sure others would agree with me--this is the first time another person died and I wished to God it had been me!

 

Comment by Linda on December 9, 2014 at 8:48pm

Maria: I lost Desiree' in March of this year. I've since celebrated her birthday on Oct. 1st. and now the Holidays to come. She turned 32 this Oct.  I try so very hard to make it a "celebration of life", but, try as I may I find myself mourning my loss. After seeing the Dr. Phil show I'm not so sure I won't seek some sort of alternate views. I'm so desperate to see her.

Oh Leslie. I pray for the day I dream of my Desiree'. I can't understand why I haven't been Blessed with this as yet. I try nightly to will myself to think of her in the hopes that I will have the wonderful moment, if only in a dream, to hear her or see her oh for only the moment. Oh for the blessed moment.

Comment by Leslie C on December 9, 2014 at 8:27pm

I drive by where the accident happened and know that there was a moment in time, a pivotal point when things could have happened just a tiny bit different and my son would not have died. I pass someone on the highway or change lanes and the events of his crash play in my mind. I am desperately trying to make it come out different, but it never changes. I know some people want to dream of their lost loved ones...but I am not sure I could right now. If I saw him in the dream I would not want to leave him. I would not want to wake up...and if I did wake up, would I scream and scream and never stop??

Comment by Marie on December 9, 2014 at 8:04pm

I am tempted to see a pysic too, but am conflicted about it too! I was raised Catholic and I still am--physics were always taboo when I was growing up! But I have thought about asking a priest about it. It is all so confusing and I totally understand wanting to be able to communicate with them. I do believe in mediums...

Comment by Marie on December 9, 2014 at 7:56pm

so sorry Linda. The holidays are going to be so hard for us! when did you lose your daughter?

Comment by Linda on December 9, 2014 at 7:43pm

These Holiday's are impossible. Every day I try to wrap my mind around the reality that I will never, ever, see or hear from my daughter again. Ever. I went thru her phone today. Looking at the last text's she wrote. The last people she spoke with just seeming moments before she had her fatal auto accident. I saw all the "missed calls" from me when I knew in my heart that the person they were describing on t.v. was my Desiree'. I see that from the time they pronounced "the woman dead at the scene of the accident" to the first call I left to her was but moments apart. I watched an episode of Dr. Phil today that had a physic that by all accounts is true. He can see the energy and the loved one literally standing by the living loved one... I so want to believe him. His name is James Van Praagh. Book titled Ghost Among Us. I know I'm grabbing at straws but I just can't stop trying to have some last contact with my child. I pray God for his guidance.

Comment by Marie on December 9, 2014 at 7:11pm

Thank you Leslie. I am so sorry for your loss too. Some days feel so unbearable. It has been three months for me and I still can't believe it. I think that is when it hurts the most, just thinking they aren't coming back and I can't do anything to change it!

Comment by Leslie C on December 9, 2014 at 7:00pm

Marie, I am sorry you are having a bad day. Aaron is gone two months, cannot believe I will never hold his face in my hands again and look into his eyes. Somehow I have to keep going and try to be someone I never was before. I have to be a new me, a bereaved mother and walking sore. Everything anyone does or says hurts me. Even though my mind tells me I am overreacting, I cannot seem to help myself! Praying for you and praying for me xoxo

 

Comment by Marie on December 9, 2014 at 6:50pm

today has been terrible. The pain of never seeing my son is killing me. I just can't get it together. I just can't believe this has happened!

Comment by Teresa D. on December 8, 2014 at 6:15am

Linda, moving forward is a slow process for all of us.  You won't even notice you moved in your grief until you see someone where you were.  My heart is with you and I'm so sorry you are forced to walk with us. HUGS!!!!!

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