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Comment by Vasanthi S on January 8, 2015 at 4:03pm

Marie thank you. Lynn I am glad you will be out for a while. It helps . This pic was taken on some mountain top near Dubai where he was then, and he had said that they drove all night and that is his 'without any sleep' face :)

Comment by Lynn Williams on January 8, 2015 at 3:59pm

What a beautiful picture of your handsome son Shreyas, Vasanthi. It's been almost 17 months since Kyra's death. I do have good days but winter seems to set me back a lot. My other daughter Genna who moved back to Vermont this past October, told me she was moving back to Montana in April. She is only 24 and she must live her own life but it has been hard to face her going. It is like I am losing Kyra all over again. My husband and I are going to visit his son and family in Albuguerque for a month leaving this Saturday. It has been so frigid cold here with very little sun. Maybe being in a sunny and warmer place will help. I am so glad to have found you all. It keeps me sane. Love to all

Comment by Marie on January 8, 2015 at 3:15pm

Oh Vasanthi-- your son was so handsome. I am so very sorry for your pain. I know havin my other two kids keeps me living. I don't know if it lessons the pain, but it definitely gives me a reason to keep going. I am thinking about you. Hugs

Comment by Vasanthi S on January 8, 2015 at 3:08pm

The years going by only reinforce the enormity of the loss. Sometimes I strain to remember his voice in my head , the smile is always fresh and sweet yet what i strain to remember frightens me, like slowly it may fade away and that hurts too much. I keep myself busy. I cleared the learner's permit test now and driving class and drive my husband's car till I get the license and then can get my own car. That will give me more mobility to maybe take a part time job. I just cannot stand the thought of working in school/college anymore though its what I have done all my adult life. I cannot stand being near school or college kids, somehow that hurts too much too. 

Dec 23rd its been 3 years and losing my only son ,only child has stripped me of my identity as a mom. I loved and thrived on that role..it really was the most important and joy I got from being shreyas's( micky's) mom is always will be unrivaled.Now it is like i am left to live on earth and so live I will.

There are some days when I can be quite happy and the times I am not are largely due to the sense of loss I always carry inside. We went from Dec 24th to Jan 2nd for a retreat type of thing, a vedanta retreat and I was glad to be away. 

I read what everyone writes and cheer the courage shown by all of us. This 13th is my birthday and I recall Aug 2011 when my son was with me in northern India where I was working and I told him that heyy in 2 years I will be 50! and in his smiling slightly teasing tone he had said , " well then u must have a big blast then" and then very sweetly he had said ," ohh btw u don't look it" and I had said oh yes I love the flattery. Well that year Dec 23rd he just wasn't there anymore and incongruously I had thought that ' you couldn't even wait till I was 50?'.. Well this 13th I will be 52 and I'm just in a lot of pain. His latest pic i am attaching here 

Comment by Michelle H on January 8, 2015 at 11:00am

Mary, it's hard to believe that Gary and soon my Chris, has been gone for two years. It's good to hear that there are things that give you joy. Your faith has carried you far, as has the knowledge that Gary is never far away from you. Blessings and hugs.

Comment by Linda on January 8, 2015 at 11:00am

Comment by Connie K on January 8, 2015 at 10:39am

Sending you love today Mary. So glad to hear you are thriving through your pain and I know Chris is proud. I hope I can find that someday.

Comment by Marie on January 8, 2015 at 10:01am

Thank you for sharing that, Mary Chris. Your words give me courage. I will be thinking of you today. I am sure your son is with you and proud of you!

Hugs

Comment by Lynn Williams on January 8, 2015 at 8:18am

Thinking of you today Mary, may wonderful memories of Chris be with you today and everyday. Love and peace to everyone here. Lynn 

Comment by kim on January 8, 2015 at 7:28am

mary, im thinking of you today and I know your pain. what you said is beautiful.  hugs  kim

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