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Comment by Dolly on January 13, 2015 at 9:29am

VISANTHI that picture of your son is so beautiful... it almost looks like Heaven...

I have been coming in almost daily and reading, but have felt paralyzed about writing... I guess its just I don't know what to say anymore... yesterday we had to go have our eyes checked and were at the eye doctors for two hours or more and then ran some errands ending up with the grocery store... as the day wore on I felt more and more tense, and less and less like I was really THERE and part of what I was DOING... I bought Brandon some flowers at the grocery store... something I've been doing for awhile now... this time yellow lillies and pink tulips... and as always it both comforts me AND tears me apart to pick them out.... by the time we got home at 5PM I was completely exhausted... I shouldn't have been exhausted from what I did.. I mean physically it wasn't enough to exhaust me.. yet still EMOTIONALLY I can't seem to rebound from this horrible loss... its like I can't talk about it anymore to anyone who hasn't gone through the same sort of crushing helpless agony of losing a child.... they act like its all in the past now and I should be fine by now... but even though I TRY to be fine... I'm NOT fine.... I ache for my son...every day... every night.... it does NOT go away... I'm still having so much trouble getting anything done... I don't want to go anywhere at ALL... every slight change in plans throws me for a loop... I'm afraid of the future... because his dying was such a SHOCK.. and I don't know when the next shock is coming and what it might BE... and I don't WANT any more of this... EVER... but I know it will come.... so I'm afraid and anxious.... sorry I'm not uplifting.... some of you have faced things that are so mind boggling to me... had to deal with things that must have torn you apart ... I constantly have 'WHY' in my head.... I DO care about you all and what you are going through... I just have nothing much I can say anymore....

Comment by Lynn Williams on January 12, 2015 at 1:30pm

Jacki I am so sorry for the loss of your young son. He looks so adorable in the picture you posted. I lost my daughter Kyra in a car accident 15 months ago. We are here for you. Nothing could be harder than losing our child. Hugs Lynn

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on January 12, 2015 at 12:50pm

Oh Jacki, I am so very sorry. What a beautiful little guy, welcome to our group, as sad as it it, but we are all here for each other. Sending you strength and hugs..it's very hard.  11 weeks today that I lost my beautiful 18 year old son.  It's all so heartbreaking.. x0

Comment by Vasanthi S on January 12, 2015 at 12:34pm

thank you Connie, Sandy. Teresas, Michelle, Dolly have not heard from you all, keep well, love to all here 

Comment by Jacki Splittorf on January 12, 2015 at 12:13pm

I'm new here.  I lost my almost 4 year old son on 10/25/14 after a nearly 2 year battle with brain cancer.  Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of us (him and myself) driving from South Carolina to Indiana for his 2nd round of radiation.  I hate numbers, I hate dates...and most of all, I hate not having him here with me.

Comment by Connie K on January 9, 2015 at 6:07pm

Vasanthi what a great picture of Shreyas. It is nice to hear from you and I know it is sad to celebrate our birthdays w/o them. Happy Birthday to you on Tuesday, I will be thinking of you. Mine is in a couple of weeks and it just doesn't seem fair. Hugs to everyone

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on January 9, 2015 at 11:46am

Teresa, that poem is so very true.  I put that same poem on my Randys memorial cards. It broke my heart to do it and it still does to read it, but very true for all of us. 

Comment by Teresa D. on January 8, 2015 at 5:50pm

Comment by Vasanthi S on January 8, 2015 at 5:34pm

Linda. love to you too and will keep all of us here in my daily prayers and heart

Comment by Linda on January 8, 2015 at 4:51pm

I know your pain only too well, Vasanthi. I too lost my only child Desiree' just this past March in a single car auto accident. Desiree' was my breath, my heartbeat, my every moment. It's been 10 months now and I still haven't wrapped my head around it.

I pray for strength daily but find, as I am today, that I still grieve so profoundly.

Much love to you, Vasanthi.

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