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Comment by Ammy on February 28, 2017 at 3:03pm

Silke B., I read what you wrote about your son.  I am so sorry, and also sorry that you had to find this site, but hopefully you will find a sort . companionship and compassion here.  We all understand. We are all here for the same reason.  
There is no method to get through your grief.  It's an individual journey and yet there are so many connections too.  Try to take care of yourself.  You need to have your physical strength.  Grieve as you need.  Don't hold it in.  It also needs to be released.
I wish there was more I could say that would help, but hopefully the others will give you support.
Will keep you in prayer; with hope for some comfort.  Hugs.

Comment by Connie K on February 28, 2017 at 11:49am

Debbie Lynn - I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing. Thank you for letting us know and sharing your story. We are here for you also and I am sending live and prayers

Rita - I am sorry for your situation. There is no way your brother can understand. Same in my family. My sister asked one day when I was crying if there was a pill I could take for that!But at least you were able to say that to him and maybe he is processing how difficult it is to live with the passing of a child. Since there is some money, could you hire someone to come to your dad's house a few times a week , clean the house and take care of the things that you or your brother cannot? I know it can be expensive but offers one solution.

Teresa, Jill, Ammy and all of you here, I continue to muddle through the days. I do the monthly Compassionate Friends newsletter to try to channel this pain into something helpful. But some friends and family don't think I should do it. They say they think it keeps me sad. lol. I told my sister  "I'm always sad. Doing a newsletter doesn't MAKE me sad. And no one talks to me about it so this is a way to express myself and help others." But she doesn't get it. She can't. Thank God. But it hurts so much anyway that people don't understand and can't give you the empathy we need. Thank you to all of you for being so supportive. I wish you all peace and hope.

Teresa- love your story!!

Comment by Jill E on February 28, 2017 at 7:40am

Oh Teresa that is an amazing story. How amazing...
Good way to start my day!
Big hugs!

WYWH My Joshie Love and miss you beyond words.

Comment by Teresa D. on February 28, 2017 at 6:54am

Was a really hard month but once again I survived it.  The day Michael came and the day Michael left are just so hard to get by. 

For the past few weeks I've been praying to God to help me hear his voice.  I feel like his voice is getting away from me.

My sister called me to tell me she was looking for a VHS tape that she knew my son and my father were on but couldn't find it and gave up on it as lost. 

After spending the day looking for the tape she said she had a dream she was talking to my dad but when he went to answer her she woke up.

Feeling a little upset about the dream she got out of bed in the middle of the night and went downstairs to make a cup of tea.

She discovered her frig stopped working in the night and went in her basement to get a little frig she had stored.  She opened it and there was the tape.

She sent it to be converted into a DVD. I can't wait to get it.  All I want is to hear my son's voice.  THANK YOU DADDY!!!!!!!

Comment by Teresa D. on February 25, 2017 at 9:00am

Debbie I am so sorry for the lost of your Mom.  Just know she was just as important to us as we were to her.

Rita I don't have advise.  My mother shut down in 2008 when my dad passed away, til this day she has not been able to offer me any comfort.  When I visit the most I get is, "you know I loved Michael". No hug or anything else attached to it.  I know my mother loved my son but I need more from her but I gave up on expecting it.  She also doesn't understand why it's hard for me to visit her now.

Comment by Rita on February 23, 2017 at 1:01pm

Thank you Jill and Ammy for the kind words and understanding... I am so hurt by my brothers insensitive comment that I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I actually had been trying harder and going to my Dad's twice a week. I took him for a new pacemaker and the follow up check yesterday. He was really mixed up yesterday. He wanted to take his blankets, his boots and a sweater. I talked him out of the blankets but couldn't the boots and sweater. I know he is dehydrated cause he doesn't drink enough water and it does cause his mind to be worse. I am torn between him and my grief which doesn't seem to be getting better. And after yesterday, dealing with my brother I don't want to go back at all! It seems like about the time I feel  I'm handling my grief better, something happens to bring it all to the forefront. I know I have developed some health problems because of the overwhelming grief. And I don't intend to do anything about it. I welcome death...to get me out of this horrible place I'm in!

Comment by Ammy on February 23, 2017 at 11:32am

Debbie Lynn, I knew your mom.  She was a beautiful person and we shared together about our sons.  I was her friend on FB too. I miss her great smile.  Sometimes her comments pop up in my memories on FB and I am saddened each time I see them.  I know she missed your brother, Don, so very much; just as we all miss our children. 

I know you were very close and I'm so sorry for your pain.  Keep her in your heart and remember the good/fun times.  She would want that.  And take care of yourself.  Hugs.

Comment by Ammy on February 23, 2017 at 11:21am

Rita, I went through a similar time with my mom and my brother, but it was before we lost our son.  Maybe you need to contact the Aging and Adult services where you live and seek assistance.  It may go under another name where you are. 

I know how difficult it was for me and I can't imagine being able to do it while grieving.  I hope you will find some help because you really need to take care of yourself first.

Comment by Jill E on February 23, 2017 at 8:41am

Rita-I was in the same type of situation as you except it was my mother. When I called my brother (he lived a half an hour from her) and sister and said I needed help. He came to see her and he said to me "how did you hide it so well?" I said back "if you ever came to see her you would have known" we had to put her in a care facility.
The difference is it happened before I lost Josh.
The similarity is Rita- I had a harder and harder time going and taking care of her, it was frustrating, depressing and so hard to do it. I admit I went less and less. It took everything I had. And I had not yet suffered the worse loss of my whole life.

I am proud of you. I don't know how you do it. I have trouble doing "regular" daily things and here you are dealing with your father and his illness. Just his illness is so very, very hard and that on top losing your Jesse I can't begin to tell you how much I admire you.
Please be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break. Unfortunately I don't know what to say about your brother except I understand. It hasn't even been a year since you lost your precious son. Oh please just let yourself grieve. I wish I had answers I don't know if you just told yourself I will go see my Dad on Tuesdays and that will be your "routine" maybe that would help or every other Tuesday. I wish I knew.
The pain we are going through is beyond understanding and no one understands us. Know you are doing your best. Don't feel guilty. You are stronger than you know.

Comment by Debbie Lynn Hallstrom on February 23, 2017 at 12:25am

Hello. My name is Debbie. I am Adrianne's Daughter. I joined this group to announce to you of her passing. She took her last breath on July 4th, 2016. She was my best friend, my better half and my person. I am not sure how to even begin to cope. She found a lot of comfort on this site and i am so grateful to all those who read and wrote to her. When my brother passed away she became more ill. It just ruined her. She used to tell me stories of those on this support group. It was hard for her to read but she felt so connected. 

She had cancer and I think I just never wanted to accept that it could take her because she was my world. The day she passed, I knew that if my brother came to her she would never come back and that was the case. I can't write to much because the pain is too hard, to intense. 

may you all be blessed and I am so sorry for all your and my pain.

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