Comment

Comment by Jesse's Mom on February 14, 2015 at 9:09am

Someone asked about how you sit through weddings when you know your child won't have any...

I have a friend (used to be a BFF but since my son died she has shunned me)...well she sent me a invitation to her firstborn son's wedding...at first my husband thought we should go, I had my doubts...now today as my husband and I talked, he too realizes that it just won't work to attend. Not that she has been any where close to support me...just as first and when she saw how intense the grief was she booked...

...she has a very nice life, very easy...and yet she takes anti-anxiety medication and a anti-depressant (I am not sure what for)...I think if she lost her firstborn she would go crazy...not that I wish this fate on anyone...but I think there are some who just are too uncomfortable with a bereaved mom...what is really strange to me is how much she attends church (she is a songleader and her husband has been a deacon for years), she encouraged her son to go into the ministry and yet she cannot handle death, or be of assistance to me, her supposed BFF. I do not think she realizes that those in the ministry are supposed to be able to assist others in transition, the grieving, and death rites it should not be just a social club where those who have the perfect life can parade around. So  I do not think we are going to be attending after all...I don't have the energy to cope with how my son isn't here, this is my second child death and my infant son is laid to rest not far from where she lives...

....but the feeling of isolation is there...my son did so much with us...It is 28 months out, and even though the raw pain and surrealness has faded, it has been replaced with hard, cold reality...the missing...the outrage of the injustice of it all...

...we are still in the trial....it will go on until June...I am so fatigued...everyone has left basically...we sit alone...

Comment by Teresa D. on February 14, 2015 at 7:44am

Happy Birthday Michael. I love you.

 

Comment by Jane P on February 14, 2015 at 6:33am

Thinking of Teresa today.
Happy birthday to Michael.
Xxoo

Comment by Connie K on February 13, 2015 at 5:37pm

I know Teresa. It sucks. It like the more of these special days go by, the thought of facing a lifetime of them seems impossible.

It is especially hard for you having the birthday and Valentines on the same day. I'm sorry.

I got valentines from my mom and sister with little gifts , like we have all our lives. I can't even do that because I don't want to think about Valentines Day. Even though I have by dear husband, he doesn't want to have to deal with such "happy' occasions either. So I think unconsciously I block it all out. Guess it will have to be a cyber card from me this year.

Comment by Teresa D. on February 13, 2015 at 11:45am

How do you deal with their birthday? The day you brought them into the world.  How do you deal with the loss of the future, that every mother dreams of? How do you answer "how many children do you have"? How do you sit through weddings and birth announcements knowing your child won't have any? How do you talk to the grandchild left with no dad or mom? What do you say to the parent that had to nurse their child to their death?

Zell no offense but your describing "almost" while those of here didn't have the outcome that you had. We never got to feel "relieved" and we never will.  Again no offense but I don't want to read about an "almost" while I'm trying to keep myself from a total melt down.

Comment by Jill E on February 13, 2015 at 9:09am

my faith in anything is gone. Why did he take my son? What if there is no "heaven" and I never get to see my beautiful son again. It sounds crazy but I pray to get faith in someone, something. "someone" that will promise me that I will be with my son again. Damnit there is no promise so how do I go on with the agony of never seeing my Joshie again.

Comment by Jill E on February 13, 2015 at 9:01am

I am having so much trouble finding faith in "God". I just don't understand why he would take my son?

Comment by Dolly on February 13, 2015 at 8:21am

always sweet, always loving, always full of joy... when you left this earth you left a colder sun, a crueler land, a hole so black and deep that NOTHING can ever fill it except to be with you one day... my hope... please God ... for to NEVER see you again is beyond my ability to contemplate... it just can NOT be .. please God

Comment by Dolly on February 13, 2015 at 8:18am

after all the shaking and the slap and the screaming came the CPR and more screaming and praying and begging God and nothing changed the fact that he was GONE just like that .... just NOT THERE ANYMORE... my baby ... God I miss you BRANDON you little sweetheart of a man... and you were a man a REAL man ... full of courage I have NEVER seen anything like... and still in all your painful years you were our LIGHT and JOY... and now we are all here waiting til the day we will be with you TOTALLY again... love you my son my beautiful son..

Comment by Dolly on February 13, 2015 at 8:14am

I shook my son and shook him and slapped him and screamed at him and he DIDN'T wake up...

I can NOT imagine losing my husband but I KNOW what it is like to lose your CHILD...

I don't know if I can understand your grief fully and I hope I never will

and I don't think you can understand mine and I hope you never will..

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 183
• 184
• 185
• 186
• 187
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page