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Comment by Jill E on February 17, 2015 at 3:02pm

I wish my brain could just take a rest...impossible

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 17, 2015 at 3:00pm

I wake up at night and can't sleep either and like Connie said, your mind just won't stop, usually I think of bad things, drug times, craziness...if I think of happy things with him, it hurts even more.. I went out with friends on Sunday and we actually had a really good time, just laughing and it was good.

Comment by Jill E on February 17, 2015 at 2:56pm

I take Something to help me sleep, I conk out but then up every 2 hours-or sometimes awake for hours in the middle of the night.

Comment by Jill E on February 17, 2015 at 2:54pm

That is so awesome about your husband. I know how much you want to tell your son. He would be so proud. I have so much I want to tell Josh. When I do talk to him I end up sobbing my head off. They say crying is good, I don't know...it solves nothing...it makes you feel like crap...and you just end up doing it again and again. Everything starts me going. One reason I just don't do the social thing with my friends.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 17, 2015 at 12:30pm

I saw you posted that about your hubbie, Congrats!! That is super exciting!! Oh I'd love to see that pic of the 2 of you!! What milligram is the Lunesta - I didn't want sleeping pills but i'm so damn tired and I keep waking up like every two hours and most times I can't go back to sleep.  My dr. gave me 3 mil. but it's not really helping and she said don't take it more then 3 times a week, which I don't want to anyway!

I know what you mean, it's the silliest stupid things and we just lose it.  I am the SAME way!

I'm catching a cold today, yuck!! I was waiting for Feb. 16 for the renewal on my iPhone to get the 6, cus I had the 4 - got it yesterday and it's like - who cares! Nothing frigging matters...I hate hate hate feeling like this all the time and nobody understands but us.  Oh you texted him - I want to text Randy - I was terrified that his text of his last love you..wouldn't show on my phone but it did.  Makes me feel connected from a stupid phone.  Didn't go to work yesterday, too friggin sad, uggg! Hugs to you Connie.. way cool about your hubby!

Comment by Connie K on February 17, 2015 at 12:24pm

I know how you all feel. I have also gained 20 pumnds this past 2 years, and feel I've aged so much. I don't even want anyone to take a picture of me. On a high note, my husband won an award the other night. A Golden Reel Award for his music editing work on "Birdman" We had the photo on the "red carpet" and I just was dreading seeing that photo. It's not too bad but I cropped the hell out of it! I am so proud of my husband. the last two years it really is as if he's had an angel on is shoulder as far as the work he's had the opportunity to do. That night all I wanted to do was tell Daniel "Daddy won!" I'm sure he knows but there's nothing better than having your child proud of you. I know my husband was missing him so much. So I sent my son a text on his phone that we still keep active...

Comment by Connie K on February 17, 2015 at 12:19pm

Yes we need to sleep and it's the hardest thing to do without help. When everything is quiet, the mind just goes to all the memories, the what-ifs, the whys. And it is so hard to function on no sleep. I usually take a lunesta which doesn't leave me with any side effects. But I don't want to have to take a sleeping pill every night.... I came down with a cold or flu yesterday and woke up early, not able to go back to sleep, tripped over the cat in the dark, spilled my glass of water and had to turn on the light to clean it up. Woke up my husband who is also sick. And i just broke down and sobbed for an hour. What a away to start the day. I just feel like  like a mess...

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 17, 2015 at 10:22am

I agree, I feel like I've aged 10 years in not even 4 months. 

Welcome AP, sorry to welcome you here... but there is a lot of love and support.  I can't sleep, I am so tired.

I can't remember ever being happy, it's hard to imagine we will ever be happy again.  Hugs to everybody..

Comment by Dolly on February 17, 2015 at 8:45am

so AP we do understand and wish you didn't have to understand TOO... its all just too horrible ...

Comment by Dolly on February 17, 2015 at 8:44am

everything falls apart when we lose a child... everything... and nothing else matters much either... I used to worry about 'getting' old... then overnight I became old from my very core to my wrinkled spotted sagging face... everything about me feels old.... tired... one step at a time-ish... or no steps... just sleep.. if I CAN sleep... and the dread and fear of having something ELSE like this to happen.. I can barely believe I had a happy life once...

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