Comment

Comment by Connie K on February 18, 2015 at 10:47am

Dolly Please don't ever worry about "dragging everyone down". Altho I get that too. After a certain amount of time you start expecting YOURSELF to be okay in a way and feel guilty about that!!!! I know how you feel about taking things for granted. I think of the things that made me depressed while my son was here. I lost my baby, Emily Rose, at 5 months pregnant,  when Daniel was two and I kind of never got over that and could never have another child (had 2 more miscarriages) and felt guilty that Daniel did not have a sibling. So I was always worrying about what I DIDN'T have instead of the treasure I did. I hate that about myself too...I wish so badly to right my wrongs but all I can do is struggle with trying to love myself somehow so I am not so self destructive. It's tough. Everything is tough.

Comment by Jill E on February 17, 2015 at 9:00pm

Sharon-all I do is eat sweets and junk. When I wake up all through the night I go on a search for anything filled with sugar. First I couldn't eat anything now only junk.
Back doctor appointment today cried all the way there just because, nothing set me off I just could not stop. Had to stop to see my Daughter-in-law (dread) and still wondering if she is an alcoholic too. House is just trashed looks like it is worse than when my son was alive. Alcoholics tend to let things go I have now learned. The house was so bad today I don't know how she can stand it. She just went back to work last week but I have no idea what she is doing that there are a ton of plastic bags with stuff in them piled 2feet high. And their dog chewed up some of her shoes a couple of days ago and the chewed up shoes are still laying in the hall. I just don't understand so many things with her like how could she miss the visual occurrences of a person in the late stages of alcoholism, liver and kidney failure. Damnit he was turning yellow...swelling...had a drink on the side of the bed and when she woke up the glass was empty. BUT YET he still held down a great job, etc. but everything going on in his body would be impossible to not see.

Comment by Jill E on February 17, 2015 at 8:45pm

Dolly don't you dare apologize for anything. We need each other, I know that I depend on my friends here even if it is for no other reason than to vent, cry and ramble (as I do every time). With tons of love and hugs. Please feel free always to let loose here.

Comment by Dolly on February 17, 2015 at 7:19pm

I sound terrible... just dragging everybody down.... sorry ... some days I just seem to go off a little...

Comment by Dolly on February 17, 2015 at 7:18pm

at least I'm retired and can stay home ..well that and medical appointments and food shopping ...which is too much for me already

Comment by Sharon on February 17, 2015 at 7:05pm

I know how you feel. My mind is spinning all of the time, then my heart starts palpitating... When I try to eat, there's a lump in my throat. I only want to eat sweets and crap. Doctor gave me Xanax, but I only take 1/2 and only at night. I'm dreading going back to work next week.

Comment by Dolly on February 17, 2015 at 5:56pm

and KUDOS to your husband Connie..... some LIGHT in the darkness.. ALWAYS feels good to hear GOOD things happening to those I have grown to love in here...

Comment by Dolly on February 17, 2015 at 5:55pm

I LOVE that you message your son.... I talk to Brandon in bits and pieces all the time... sort of like I talk to God... I can't do the sit down long involved praying.. never could.. it always sounded so pat and dry and without passion... like I'm almost reciting it from memory ... and its sort of like that because the needs seem to go on and on and it seems like the prayers will never be answered except with 'no'... but if I don't even ASK???.... and I don't dare let myself really talk to Brandon for more than just little hellos and what are you up to? and just trying to sense him on some level when I am playing music I think he led me to.... I don't care if other people think I'm crazy anymore.. what does that mean you think?

Comment by Dolly on February 17, 2015 at 5:49pm

I don't think I ever knew how happy I was... I didn't appreciate the happiness I had enough... I even took it for granted sometimes and gambled with it in a way... like fighting about nothing important really... being all insecure and needy when my guys were relying on me for their very LIVES and I dared to worry about ME??? I have to struggle with hating myself.. I have had this all my life... and then I get so MAD at myself because even HATING myself is all ME ME ME.... I just am so totally clueless anymore....

Comment by Connie K on February 17, 2015 at 3:31pm

Thanks for your kind words for my hubby.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 175
• 176
• 177
• 178
• 179
• …
• 757
• Next ›
• Page