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Comment by Lynn Williams on February 22, 2015 at 11:09am

Sharon, I am so sorry you have to go through this intense pain. What you are feeling right now, the exhaustion and the anxiety are normal.I used to think I was going crazy those first months, and just got through it minute by minute. When you loss is so sudden it is so hard to fathom and the shock stays with you for a long time. My daughter Kyra died in a car accident 16 months ago, and I still can't believe she is really gone physically. Just do what ever helps you get through the day. I still cry everyday and go through bouts of anxiety somedays, but that intense despair and loneliness does ease and you will be able to find hope and solace again. I had just retired from teaching the summer Kyra died, so I didn't have to go back to work, some people thought work would help me but it is what it is.  You will survive this loss and gain a peace knowing your child is always with you. The signs that we get from their continued presence in our life will sustain us until we can see them again.  Much love and hugs, we are here to listen and understand what you are going through. lynn      

Comment by Dolly on February 22, 2015 at 11:04am

they say don't make any major changes for at least a year.. probably because most of us can't even begin to think coherently for at least that long... if ever again... I don't think like I used to..don't care about many things I used to wring my hands over.. just wish I had appreciated what I had more while I still had him with me... now I am trying hard to REALLY appreciate what's left of my life... what else can I do? Not that I'm very successful at it.. but I just can't always keep crying and feeling horrible... its not doing any good.. but I can't really control it all that well either even after nearly two years...

Comment by Gus G. on February 22, 2015 at 10:17am

Sharon, So sorry for your loss. My daughter died 6 years ago. Right now you are in no place to make any major life changes. You already are going through the hardest thing life throws at us. It took me 4 weeks to go back to work. There is no time table for grief.

Comment by Sharon on February 22, 2015 at 10:02am

Two weeks today since my son has been gone. The pain is still as sharp as the first day. I don't think I will ever be able to go back to work. I am sooo tired and anxious.jill, wondering if a move or change might be good for me too.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 22, 2015 at 9:42am

Vasanthi and Jill good luck in your moves. I would love to move to az. We have a house there but jobs in ca. Vasanthi how far will your parents be from you? Love to all

Comment by Connie K on February 21, 2015 at 5:27pm

Jill I think it was a sign. It is okay, he'll be with you where ever you go. And I know that he is happy you will be close to his brother

Comment by Jill E on February 21, 2015 at 3:40pm

Thank you. I think I saw a sign from him today or what I want to think was a sign. I went to pick up sandwiches for our lunch and I was driving next to a Volkswagen Cabriolet, dark green convertible almost exactly like the one I went with him to buy years ago. It was always his baby and had customized and put it in car shows. These are older cars and you don't see them very often and even the same color. If I hadleft earlier or later or had let my husband go-he had volunteered-I would not have seen it. I want it so much to be a sign from my Josh. I pray for it to be a sign from my boy that what we are doing is ok. It is ok to go live by Derek

Comment by Connie K on February 21, 2015 at 3:01pm

Well said Vasanthi <3

Comment by Vasanthi S on February 21, 2015 at 1:02pm

Jill, moving can be very traumatic as we know especially after such a huge devastating loss like we have. SO keep your spirits up by holding the love you had with your son close in your heart and just allow yourself to be guided by God /or your higher self. If I think of the future I feel like quaking with fear, then I just push the frightening thoughts away and do not give them power by following their thread. Just shake off any negativity at the root and that can only be done with very firm faith in what we cannot see. We only need to understand that we are loved. Don't ever forget that...xoxoxox

Comment by Jill E on February 21, 2015 at 12:48pm

I to am moving. Haven't spoke about it on-line. I have to be near my youngest and only son left. He graduated from the University of Arzona and found a job in his field which is what he always wanted to do-sports reporting in a little town in Northern Arizona. Just too too many memories. I can take them with me. No grandkids and really no family. We found a house there which we can afford so I can retire. Staying here due to price of everything (California) I could not afford to retire. Miss him so much. More than I ever thought possible and hurts so, so bad. So sudden, so senseless but we all know about that. So many memories as we are cleaning out the garage, collections of baseball cards and so much more. Both of my boys loved to watch sports. I miss you my Joshie you are forever in my heart.

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