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Comment by Jill E on February 22, 2015 at 8:45pm

Just to reiterate. I know they say not to make any major changes during an extremely stressful time. But I have to professionals that support me, and think it is absolutely the best thing for me. I will be close to my youngest son Derek. I will always and forever have my memories of my Josh with me wherever I go and he will always and forever and ever be in my heart. We all handle things in our own ways and it maynot be right to make such a big change but for me it is the right one. I love you all and I will always be right here to listen and support everyone as I know you do me. Hugs

Comment by Jill E on February 22, 2015 at 8:39pm

Had a couple of very scary times in the last couple of days also. Three bouts of my heart pounding so bad it feels like it is pounding out of my chest. Psych is having a hard time finding the right meds to help me sleep without making me drowsy all day but then again I need to sleep at night...

Comment by Jill E on February 22, 2015 at 8:35pm

My psychiatrist has had me off on disability for almost 3 months since I lost my Josh. I am retiring from the state actually a week from tomorrow. Another thing that I can do in Arizona and not here in California. Far too expensive for us to stay here where in Arizona everything is much more affordable especially housing. I came across a lot of Josh's things this weekend which was very hard but it was things I forgot he had collected. It was very hard.

Comment by Jill E on February 22, 2015 at 8:28pm

My psychiatrist and therapist support my totally with my move from California to Arizona. It is stressful but it is keeping me busy and my days full. I still have my "bed days" but am looking forward to not have so many memories hitting me in the face everyday. I will take all of my memories of my sweet, sweet son Josh with me always.

Comment by Maureen on February 22, 2015 at 7:17pm

So sorry to hear of your loss Sharon. My thoughts are with you PK. My 21 year old son died less than 4 months ago on Oct. 31. I wish I could report that I feel any better now than I did then, but I simply cannot. I'm told I will manage it in time, and I believe it's true. I have an appointment for me and my daughter with a medium this week. I'm so afraid that nothing will happen.

Comment by PK on February 22, 2015 at 6:15pm

Greta would have been twenty today. 

I can't get out  of bed this morning.

I wish she was here.

Comment by Sharon on February 22, 2015 at 12:32pm

Thank you everyone for your kind words... I know that all of you have walked down this horrible journey.  Everynight I thank my son for giving me the strength to make it through one more day.  I may never go back to work.  I've worked for the past 35 years of my life. I'm only 57, but I'm tired.  I'll just have to see how I feel, and if my job is still there when I feel strong enough...  

Thank you Connie, I will read Proof of Heaven.  I've been reading every night since Troy died.  It keeps my sanity while I wait for my xanax to kick in!

Comment by Connie K on February 22, 2015 at 11:39am

Sharon my heart is with you. It took me 6 weeks to return to work. Honestly you need to give yourself time. but what helped me especially in those first weeks was walking, moving, reading  and allowing myself the time to grieve. Be gentle with yourself. I recommend Proof of Heaven by Ethan Alexander and Healing from Loss by Martha Whitaker (I still read it everyday). Hugs to everyone.

Comment by Lynn Williams on February 22, 2015 at 11:09am

Sharon, I am so sorry you have to go through this intense pain. What you are feeling right now, the exhaustion and the anxiety are normal.I used to think I was going crazy those first months, and just got through it minute by minute. When you loss is so sudden it is so hard to fathom and the shock stays with you for a long time. My daughter Kyra died in a car accident 16 months ago, and I still can't believe she is really gone physically. Just do what ever helps you get through the day. I still cry everyday and go through bouts of anxiety somedays, but that intense despair and loneliness does ease and you will be able to find hope and solace again. I had just retired from teaching the summer Kyra died, so I didn't have to go back to work, some people thought work would help me but it is what it is.  You will survive this loss and gain a peace knowing your child is always with you. The signs that we get from their continued presence in our life will sustain us until we can see them again.  Much love and hugs, we are here to listen and understand what you are going through. lynn      

Comment by Dolly on February 22, 2015 at 11:04am

they say don't make any major changes for at least a year.. probably because most of us can't even begin to think coherently for at least that long... if ever again... I don't think like I used to..don't care about many things I used to wring my hands over.. just wish I had appreciated what I had more while I still had him with me... now I am trying hard to REALLY appreciate what's left of my life... what else can I do? Not that I'm very successful at it.. but I just can't always keep crying and feeling horrible... its not doing any good.. but I can't really control it all that well either even after nearly two years...

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