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Comment by Jill E on March 21, 2015 at 11:10pm

Been so busy with moving but we have been in such a mess. Suppose to have moved in yesterday now not until Monday or Tuesday due to errors on appraisal. I have been having bursts of grief, crying, sobbing...I guess I will always get that feeling that it can't be true. He was alive and laughing just a few short months ago. My daughter in law is not talking to myself or my husband ever since I tried to explain that I should not have to ask for something of Josh's that she should have offered and she should have found something meaningful for us to remember him by. Not stuff that we didn't ever see him in or didn't even understand why he had the jerseys or hats she gave us. She has blocked us from her Facebook but is still on it and she can see what I post due to her using my son's account Miss you my Joshie more everyday. WYWH

Comment by Sharon on March 21, 2015 at 10:53pm

The anxiety is the worse. It makes me feel like I am going crazy. I went to the doctor and he prescribed an antidepressant/anxiety combo but I'm afraid to take it. Some studies show that it delays grief. My son has only been gone for six weeks. I too miss him so much. The pain is horrible.

Comment by Rj on March 21, 2015 at 8:41pm

And you always will dick. I am less than 2 months into losing my son, the suffering is awful.

Comment by Dick on March 21, 2015 at 7:48pm

I still love and miss you Danny.

Comment by Teresa D. on March 21, 2015 at 3:54pm

Deann, it hurts any time someone new joins.  I don't want to welcome anyone here but I'm happy you found us so we can support you, listen to you and be there for you as much as we can.  We know all about the stupid comments.  Some of us even know about being that stupid person before we were forced to take this journey.  Again I'm so sorry you have to experience this lost.

Comment by Rj on March 21, 2015 at 1:21pm

Oh connie you are so right. I just went for a drive to nowhere. Everything and everyone just seems so foreign to me. Ive been short of breath all morning. Even the xanex hasn't helped. I didnt think i would need another refill but realized thursday i was in need, the anxiety attacks come out of nowhere. Weekends seem the hardest, larry and i would meet up for lunch and catch up. I always looked forward to that. Hes gone now, the center of my universe. Hard losing a son and best friend all at the same time. Some things have been in the middle of the floor since i got the call from the police on feb 1. The house is a disaster where before i always kept a nice tidy home. Same way with myself, hard to even get a shower, been in the same sweat pants for days. I dont eat....this is my life. I will never delete his name and phone number from my phone. I have a voice mail of his voice. Its even hard to listen to. I was listening every day. This is not living, i so want to be with him.

Comment by Deanne B on March 21, 2015 at 11:25am

I woke up feeling very sad and not sure why till I realized it is the 21st - my son, Steven died on December 21st - only 3 months ago.  I ache.  I want to talk about it but there is no one here who even knew him and I hate to have people feel sorry for me.  I'm also afraid of comments like "He's in a better place"  "Time heals all wounds" and more stupid comments.  I feel badly because I probably said stupid things to other's who were grieving.  So I will go for a walk, and thank God I live in such a beautiful place where the birds sing and the sun is warm. I will remember the walk I took with Steven two years ago that was so precious - where we shared our regrets and forgave each other.  That memory is bittersweet.  Glad to have a place where I can at least express my grief - with people who understand.  Thank you

Comment by Connie K on March 20, 2015 at 2:19pm

Rj - when you lose an only child, you lose that dream of your family continuing , of the joy of grandchildren and seeing your own child experience becoming and being a parent. It is heartbreaking and right now for you it is all a huge shock. Just do what you can. Little by little you will learn how to manage the pain. Somedays you won't and that's okay. Sometimes just walk. the rhythm helps, being outside helps. And remembering that the spirit lives on and that your child is okay and in no more pain. And right there with you always in your heart. Hugs

Comment by Rj on March 20, 2015 at 12:41pm

Thank you all. I am trying to manage. I am glad i found this blog. I see you are survivors so maybe there us hope for me. It makes me so sad, the thought of never having any grand children. Larry would have been such a great dad when the time was right. No signs of depression, nothing!

Comment by Ammy on March 20, 2015 at 12:33pm

Adrianne, can't you just sign in using the old email address?  I looked all around and don't see a place where you can change your email.  They need to fix that.  Send an email or message to Diana Y.

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