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Comment by Sharon on March 24, 2015 at 4:46pm

Rj, you can just go and listen... or share if you are up to it. I pretty much cried my whole session. Every day is so sad and empty.  Holidays for sure will be the worst.  I've already made plans NOT to be home for mothers day.

Comment by Rj on March 24, 2015 at 12:04pm

I dread easter, coming up....actually i dread anything that used to be fun because larry was always there. Im so homesick for his hugs, for his voice, everything about him.

Comment by Rj on March 24, 2015 at 12:00pm

I am hopeful i will meet new friends when i start group therapy since they have all lost children. I feel i need to be in sessions where the group is and or has lost a child by suicide to really help with the layers of my healing. We are all grieving and mourning the same way, no matter how we lost them. Kim, are you still taking any medication? I am still taking my xanex but also taking zoloft, its been 3 weeks now. I have to say it has helped some.

Comment by kim on March 24, 2015 at 11:44am

RJ I to want my son back, without him I feel nothing anymore. so empty  so full of hate any more.  my pain is getting worse, I want so much to be with him.  I want to hear him say  MOM I LOVE YOU  one more time.  his b day is on easter and I dread it coming,  I know ill be alone,  so many tears every day,  im so sorry to everyone going through this in here and the new people, and I thank god I have met new  friends now my family in here.  hugs and love to you all,   kim

Comment by Rj on March 23, 2015 at 9:04pm

That is the group i will be attending soon. I am hopeful it will help. I missed the last one, backed out at the last minute, i think it was too soon.

Comment by Sharon on March 23, 2015 at 7:39pm

Sheri see if there is a Compassionate friends group near you. Everyone there has lost a child. Where do you live? Try and find one that has a group for grieving parents.
Sharon

Comment by Sharon on March 23, 2015 at 4:58pm

I just went back to work last week, and just part time. My husband stayed home for a month too. After he went back, he was worried to leave me home all day alone. Going back to work is both good and bad. Makes me get out of bed, but I still do have my crying episodes...so it's difficult. The support group Compassionate friends is very good. Everyone there gets it. I'm the newest griever tho. Still very hard. Everything is hard now.

Comment by Connie K on March 23, 2015 at 4:00pm

Rj - yes we've all felt that way. And sometimes still do. You feel like you are going to throw up all the time. the simplest task seems insurmountable. Everything is exhausting. People seems oblivious to the most intense pain I think there is in this life. Sometimes you feel like you can't breath. I tell you i couldn't make it through the grocery store for a year. Good thing my husband could. Now i have to go to different stores, restaurants etc if the memories are too painful. Be kind to yourself and do what you can. Even if you just walk around the block. I think the support group will help you not feel so isolated. Hang in there, you will slowly learn how to manage the pain. You will find a way to carry on and your child's spirit is there to help you. Call and them and trust that they hear you. Hugs and love to everyone.

Lynn I wish it would warm up for you!!! Enough already. I think of you often.  ((( )))

Comment by Rj on March 23, 2015 at 2:12pm

Well i had good intentions when i woke up to do something productive and positive for the first time. But didn't work out that way. It is 3 pm and i find myself in the same position as most days, curled up at the end of the couch, looking up at the mantle that is full of that happy and good life i once had,photos of larry. The heart ache, that feeling in the pit of my stoamach rolls around once again. This truly is hell on earth. Hoping i find something positive when my group sessions start next week. I do not seem to be getting anything out of the one on one sessions. Lynn that is a good way to explain the zoloft, i am going to continue it. I swear the rest of the world goes on, but i have not moved since larry has been gone it seems. I went to brush my teeth this morning and no water! Omg, i did not pay my water bill...i honestly do not know when anything is due. I had the money but that is how out of my mind i have been. I called and paid it right away...i have got to get myself together. Do you all feel like you will never catch up to the world? Or did you feel that way? Its moving so fast, i feel i am in slow mode in this new shattered place, i just hate it. I want my son back!

Comment by Lynn Williams on March 23, 2015 at 1:13pm

I hope you can shake the bug you have soon Michelle and I hope you felt Chris around you on the anniversary of his death. Connie I am so sorry to hear the prognosis on your cat. I went through it with my kitty last fall. It was very hard. She was 14. RJ and Sharon I have been on 50 mg of Zoloft for a long time. It took a month to kick in and really helped my anxiety when Kyra died 16 months ago. It didn't stop the grieving process but I didn't fall into another major depression. I will probably be on it for the rest of my life. It was 12 degrees this morning in VT. I doubt spring will ever arrive here. Love to all

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