Comment

Comment by Teresa D. on April 17, 2015 at 6:49am

Dolly, you know without the experience they just have no clue.  I think you have demonstrated strength.  You can tell me all your stories about Brandon and I will listen to every word even when you start to repeat yourself.

You have to toughen up to those comments. You have to know without the loss they have no clue about the level of this grief. "wasn't that 2 years ago?" "Aren't you over that by now?" Comments like these will be thrown at you all the time.  As hurtful as they are you have to just learn to shut your ears and walk away. 

Sharon, sad to say but it happens to us all. Some friends you won't hear from as much and some will just stop calling.  They all have different reasons.  Some can't face us because they are scared to be us. And reality is we are not who we were prior to our kid leaving. Some will stand by us while our lives change and some will leave not being able to understand that we are changing and not out of choice.

I don't care anymore what people say because I know I am trying really hard to get to a better place.  I also learned at this point that progress is a very slow process.   

Comment by Sharon on April 17, 2015 at 6:22am

Laurie thank you. I think I found one that I will try. Did you do it? If so, how was it? I was trying to private message you... Don't know how.

Comment by Sharon on April 17, 2015 at 6:20am

I'm so sorry Dolly. People that have not lost a child do not get it. They mean well, but sometimes make the stupidest remarks. My best friend asked me "how long are you going to be sad?" I told her "forever"... She stopped coming by. Oh well,nothing I can do.
No, you are not expressing self pity, you are expressive grief!

Comment by Rj on April 17, 2015 at 5:07am

Omg dolly! Self pity is so far from what we are going thru. That person clearly does not get it. Some people just have no heart, you wont find such comments here. I am pretty new and have found only kindness and caring people.

Comment by Dolly on April 16, 2015 at 11:11pm

I just had someone tell me I was feeling self pity when I expressed some of my feelings about losing my son... I was trying to start a group similar to this one on another site.. a new Christian site.. and I was sharing some of the stories about my son.. how we found him in an adoption book, and some of the experiences we had with him, and some of the feelings of despair I had losing him.. and I got someone saying I made someone who had lost her husband feel worse, and that I was expressing self pity... so it just threw me for a loop.. I didn't think any of my motives were driven by self pity... but maybe they are... but you know what.. I'm too beaten down and beaten up to care...

Comment by Sharon on April 16, 2015 at 5:49pm

Thank you for the link Laurie. I will look into it.

Comment by Rj on April 16, 2015 at 5:47pm

I try to put myself in their position...most dont mean harm but what i do know is the least said, the better. My coworkers, they have approached me with simple words, im so sorry for your loss, welcome back, followed with a gentle hug. I never realized how much they are and will be a part of my healing or what a great group of people i work with until now.

Comment by Rj on April 16, 2015 at 5:42pm

Thank you laurie.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 16, 2015 at 5:19pm

You might be interested in the Forever Family Foundation that uses certified mediums. This organization is geared more towards child loss.

 

http://www.foreverfamilyfoundation.org/

Comment by Sharon on April 16, 2015 at 11:21am

Sheri,

I know how that is. People say things to us that are hurtful and mean. Same thing happened to me at work yesterday. A co-worker said to me that I was "quiet and here and work, but not here".  Duhh... you think? My son died a little over 2 months ago, and my father just died 2 weeks ago!!! I am doing everything I can just to say sane, and not crack! I hear what you're saying Sheri. People just don't get it. They have no clue what pain we are in.

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