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Comment by Davi Burford on April 28, 2015 at 8:52pm

I know this is not the right board to post this to but you folks in here I consider friends because of our common loss, I would like to ask for prayers becsuse I just lost my husband a week ago and I'm just having a hard time mostly worrying about my 12yr old & 7yr old having to bury their dad only a year after burying their brother. I know I've said God won't give me more than I can handle but the kids, does that same "saying" go for them too I'm just so sad & confused & scared about what comes next

Comment by Rj on April 28, 2015 at 6:56pm

I hid in my office again today...still crying. Approaching 3 months. I asked myself today, am i going crazy, i feel im going backwards where my grief is concerned, i feel the pain is more intense. Im so sorry for us all, so gut wrenching. And the mothers day commercials are enough to send me over the edge.

Comment by Sharon on April 28, 2015 at 5:07pm

Rachel...

I've gone almost the same thing as you. I lost my beloved son February 8th, and lost my father April 2nd.  You are right, planning the funeral brought me right back to the awful day in April. I told my brother that I wasn't strong enough to do a lot for dad's funeral, so we kept it small and did not have it at the same place as we did for my son.  I found it hard to grieve for my father, since I was still grieving so horribly for my son.  Life is so unfair sometimes.

Yes, I am also worried that my mind cannot take so much heartache and trauma at once. Just know that feeling crazy is "normal" for us... whatever normal means anymore.

I'm so sorry that you are going through such horrible times.

Sharon

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 28, 2015 at 12:12pm

I have not posted here for awhile, but still continue to read.

Rachel, I have sent prayers on your behalf...I too lost my beloved son in an accident. He was ran over in his own lane. We are still in the trial as the girl was charged that killed him. I am 29 months out now.

Connie, thanks for sharing your feelings. "I can hardly stand to get through each day without him", very much where I am at too.

Vasanthi, good to see your post. I remember reading some of your writing earlier on, it was very comforting.

Sending gentle thoughts to all.

Comment by Vasanthi S on April 28, 2015 at 12:19am

Rachel, 

How agonizing this time must be. Losing our children is enough to make each and every day a living hell. and now losing your mother . I will pray for you and for us all, its a place where the loss is so personal and so intense and one which no one understands and let that be because no one should have to bear so much pain. 

I truly hope that there is someone near you whom you can reach out to and who can be there for a while. Just the physical presence of someone you feel close to will help, even if every inch of you is screaming to be alone. Like you, I too lost my only son in Dec 2011 and he was 27 too and I  was divorced since '98. So that most wonderful boy was my shining star and most loved and we were very close. Though time goes by the sharp pangs may lessen but the heart knows its loss only too well.

I am so so  sorry that you have to go through another grieving right now. We are all with you , holding you in our prayers. Hugs, Vasanthi.

Comment by Connie K on April 27, 2015 at 10:36am

Rachel I am so very sorry you lost your mother. This must be agonizing grief. I lost my mother in-law to Alzheimers. We were very close and that alone is heartbreak enough. Your Dad must be suffering a lot also. Sometimes we are left to wonder why we are left. We both lost our only children in car accidents. The sudden trauma is shocking  and I still after 28 months feel like it was yesterday and I can hardly stand to get through each day without him. I truly hope you have some good friends and a support group. I know there are people who love you and need you. You are not alone even though it may feel that way right now. Hang in there and know that we are sending you all the love and prayers we can. Hugs Connie

Comment by Rachel on April 27, 2015 at 9:43am

Dear Friends, Its been a while since I spoke with y'all last. I've just been in my own little world.  I'm afraid my world HAS getting smaller.  I'm trying so hard not to fall into such a deep depression that I won't be able to get myself out.  Shortly after I lost my "beautiful daughter", my mother suffered a stroke, sadly enough she was already struggling with Alzheimer's.   It sadens me to say that she died April 13th, two weeks today.  Making the arrangments and attending the funeral was like reliving my baby's funeral. I feel so lost and ALONE.  I feel my mourning has intensified.  I don't know what to do!!!! I miss my baby!!! And like a child I want my mother. 

I feel my family is truly no more.  And I have NO ONE to lean on.        My Dad has left town because he can't deal seeing me and being in the thier house has to many memories.  What am I suppose to do?  How am I suppose to get though all this?  It's just not right and its not fair?????  I'm losing my mind.  Please pray for me. I need prayer!!!

Comment by Sharon on April 26, 2015 at 6:11pm

Rj, we never know what kind of day we will have. You are not crazy. You are a grieving mother. just one day at a time. It's all we can do.
I'm so sorry you had a bad day. Hopefully Monday will be better.
We are here for you.

Comment by Rj on April 26, 2015 at 3:47pm

Friday was a bad day at work...nothing in particular but i was so weepy all day. I just couldn't stop crying, random times. Weather is getting nice, sure gonna miss my helper with my planting. Larry always loved to come over snd help with the heavy mulch or whatever was needed to help his momma.whew i feel im losing my mind at times

Comment by Rj on April 23, 2015 at 9:17am

Exactly sharon! They totally get us,i am so glad i found that group and this wonderful online group!

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