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Comment by Jill E on April 29, 2015 at 2:05pm

Thank you all. Moving to Arizona has been wonderful or at least I want it to be. I still hurt everyday more than the last, just when you think it could not be worse...Surprise!!! I am away from some constant reminders. And away from my daughter-in-law that has not spoken to me for over a month. I only asked for a couple of Josh's things to bring here to Arizona for his brother to have. Something that says"Josh". The things she gave me were from sports teams that Josh hated. My hurtful side hopes her mother finds out she is an alcoholic because first off that is the only thing that makes sense as to why she didn't see the horrible physical changes, behavior, etc. she has unfollowed me, u friended me and blocked me from texting her. I have apologized to her so many many times for sobbing out of control over the things she chose to give me. She never offered, I had to ask. Friends have told me I had nothing to apologize for. But I do not like confrontation nor do I like anyone to have ill feelings about me and I worry Josh would be mad at me. But I am a grieving mother. Nothing she gave usreminded us of Josh. They are just material things and I have brought Josh here with me to Arizona in my heart. Sedona is a short drive from home and we went to the Grand Canyon for my birthday.how can things possibly get worse...I hate to say that because I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. 4 years ago our home burned down, 2 years ago my husband had a heart attack and the in December I lost my Joshie. My precious boy. I use to be strong but I am weak now.i use to face things head on. Now everyday is a struggle. Just getting out of bed. Another day without my Joshie. He would want me to be happy but he knows me too well. He knows I am worried about him, miss him, love him more than life. Joshie Dad says he is going to trade in my car and get me a VW, you will love to go with me in my heart driving around in a VDub!!! Miss you my baby! WYWH-Peace

Comment by Connie K on April 29, 2015 at 11:30am

Dolly thinking of you as you approach your "angelverssary". Hugs

Comment by Connie K on April 29, 2015 at 11:29am

RJ I just write a LONG message to you and I LOST IT !! Now I have to run.  You are not going crazy you are learning to live with this grief, is all. Some days you feel stronger and wiser , then back to square one. I only wish I could say it gets better but 29 months into it and I too like Teresa said, cry everyday.  From those in my support group who are 10+ years they seem to have found a groove to their lives but the pain always remains. It just sucks and today is one of those damn days. My heart breaks for  us all and especially for Davi and Rachel having to deal with all of this loss. Sening you all love and prayers.

Comment by Dolly on April 29, 2015 at 11:18am

so sorry Davi.. so much pain... too many losses... hugs and prayers..

Comment by Connie K on April 29, 2015 at 11:14am

Oh Davi - OMG I can not believe  what you are having to deal with. I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find support and a good counselor for your kids. You will just have to try to focus on them and keeping your family strong together. Oh my dear is there anything at all I can do? Please feel free to call me anytime. I will send you a PM with  my number.

Comment by Dolly on April 29, 2015 at 9:42am

I found this little bunny on the internet before the real bunny showed up on my doorstep.. but it sure does look like the same bunny !! God has so many ways of reaching out to us... and reminding us of our lost ones.. who aren't really LOST.. just temporarily away...

Comment by Dolly on April 29, 2015 at 9:32am

Hi everyone.. just three more days until Brandon's leaving day again.. two years now... I feel numb and like I'm bracing for a clobbering... the little reminders of him seem to have slowed down to a trickle, but are still so heartwarming.. the other day the cat brought the tiniest bunny onto our back porch.. we rescued it from her and put it in the woodpile so it would be safe.. seeing that tiny bit of fur, all vulnerable and scared... just made me remember the little boy we adopted all those years ago who came to us so withdrawn and frightened and with so many health issues.. again lately I have been reminded that not all of the world wants to hear about our lost children or see our grief.. this time through a Christian online church that recently started up and which I had thought would be a good place to participate in.. but they have told me I am expressing self pity, and later was told that I wanted to 'pour out my grief on the internet' when all I was trying to do was share memories of Brandon and express my sadness... so many people were asking for prayer over there own losses I thought maybe a group where we could remember loved ones, and share our hard times to help each other heal would be good... guess I was wrong.. so it makes this site all the more precious to me... love you all

Comment by Teresa D. on April 29, 2015 at 6:55am

Davi, I am so sorry you have to feel another loss so close to your heart.  HUGS!!!!!!

Rj your not crazy! I've been on this path for the past 31 months and I still cry everyday.  I'm learning to do it more privately now but I still cry everyday.  Hell I'm crying right now.

Comment by Vasanthi S on April 29, 2015 at 6:10am

Laurie ~ Jesse's mom... That link was good, cried a lot because it is so true for us... every word. It is helpful and insightful. Some suggestions are good  but what I finally do understand is that life is altered and navigating this new territory is so very difficult.In two days I shift home and it means leaving the home where I was with my son for many years. It has been a cocoon, something to get back to, our shared experience. When I walk into my son's room I am always lulled into forgetting that he is not here. I kiss his pillow at night and smooth the sheet before I sleep. I always kissed him onhis forehead before he slept whenever we were here together. He would raise his head in mock annoyance and say ok ok hurry up but I know how pleased he used to be with all the small gestures of love. Never again?:(

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 29, 2015 at 5:40am

This blog was recommended by another mom I trust. Thought it had some thoughtful insights on grief. It is written by Pamela Haddock:

http://ofmenandmount...path-we-travel/

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