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Comment by Sharon on April 29, 2015 at 11:00pm

I know Jill. Me too. It is so hard to act "normal" at work. I try not to act too sad around my other children... I hate to make them sad.

The truth is, I feel so lost and empty. A part of my heart is missing. Somedays it's hard to go on.  Other days, its a little better.   I am scared of what lays ahead.  I hope I can survive this.

Comment by Jill E on April 29, 2015 at 10:40pm

Sharon, I won't know how to get through each day. I feel as though I put on this mask to get through the day while behind the mask I am crumbling. It seems so pointless. My life is my children. My most important things in my life. The one thing that is was good at, that I loved, that I was made for...being a mom.

Comment by Sharon on April 29, 2015 at 10:32pm

I spoke to a counselor today that told me that when we grieve, our missing our children actually gets harder as time goes on.  I guess because in the beginning we are numb and are in denial.  As time goes by, we realize that they really are not coming back.  I am 3 months out now. I can't imagine the pain getting worse that it is now.  I won't survive...

Comment by Connie K on April 29, 2015 at 10:24pm

Being busy is good. Having the desire to get started is hard. I am doing the newsletter tonight for our local TCF chapter and am taking a break. It helps me feel productive and supported as I really grasp how many walk in our shoes. Peace to everyone tonight. "All day, all night , angels watchin' over me my Lord....All day, all night , angels watchin' over me." I've got to believe that - even while I wonder why it has to be this way

I miss you so so much my sweet boy. I love you so much

Comment by Jill E on April 29, 2015 at 10:08pm

I hate to have a quiet mind...I have too much time to think...thinking makes me sad...makes me remember and miss and hurt...

Thank you Laurie for the quote.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 29, 2015 at 8:51pm

Dolly, that is a very strange comment for someone to say about a disabled person...my husband worked with developmentally disabled people early in his career including full care...
Yes, my daughter was upset by this person...came home pretty shaken up...sad but true story...

Comment by Dolly on April 29, 2015 at 7:49pm

Laurie... some people just totally amaze me.. are they mean spirited ? or just not all there? or just not able to think very well? Who says things like that and thinks its a good or helpful thing to say?  like the people on the beach that saw my two disabled sons in their rafts at the water's edge and asked us if they were real.. and when we told them yes, they asked are they alive.... you just have to shake your head in wonder.. how annoying and upsetting for your daughter.. and she is sort of stuck there having to listen because of the job ....

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 29, 2015 at 6:09pm

Connie, I agree that some days it is back to square one.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 29, 2015 at 6:07pm

Vasanthi, it seems like the missing is just so intense some days. Today is one of those days for me.

Jill, if you find the move helped, it is a good thing. I read this from another bereaved parent which I have found to be true for me:

"Everything helped a little, nothing helped a lot."

Dolly, I am sorry about the church and lack of empathy. My daughter recently had some very Baptist lady that kept approaching her; as my daughter works at a local store so she talks to many people. Anyways for some reason this lady would keep a conversation up with my daughter everytime she came at the store. This woman told my daughter point blank that "She needed to get over her brother's death and move on." Mind you, we don't even really know this person, just a regular customer at this store with a Baptist background. This woman also attended the movie "Do You Believe" so I don't know if she thought she was practicing some kind of new Christian moves or what...I told my daughter that she has to tell that woman immediately if she ever ventures a conversation again to stay away. We don't even know this person! yet they are offering their advice on our worst nightmare we live everyday. Crazy world.

Comment by Dolly on April 29, 2015 at 3:06pm

Thank you Connie for your kindness.. I am trying to just focus on memories of good things... as much as I can... like just today I was thinking how cute Brandon was about ice cream... he didn't eat by mouth but could take tastes of ice cream or pudding... every time we tried giving him ice cream though, he would alternate quickly between 'I love it' and 'I hate it' faces.. it was so funny... he would screw his face all up at first, when the cold hit his tongue, and then almost immediately would grin when he realized how good it tasted... and back and forth...this brought a smile to my face... how I miss that face...

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