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Comment by Connie K on May 14, 2017 at 10:43am

David I am so sorry you have to be in this group. It must have been awful for you to find your daughter. I know you are traumatized and in shock. You can say whatever you need to here without judgement. I lost mu son - my only child - in a tragic car accident at age 17. It has been 4 and half years. Some days it feels like yesterday. Some days I can move through without being paralyzed with pain. You too will find your way through. You will find that although the pain never leaves, it lessens some days and you find ways to deal with it better. But right now  I know it is so hard to even know how to get through the day. Have faith that your daughter's pain here on earth is done. Yours may be just beginning but you will be with her again someday. Her spirit lives on. Love never dies. And the bigger the love, the greater the pain. That is why we need each other here. Because no one can know unless they've lived it. It is impossible. This group has gotten me through many countless lonely and despairing days and nights.

And for the moms here, new and those I've now known for years now, I know you are the very best Moms in the world. You are strong and wise. You have fought to keep your child's memory alive and you have learned to give to and help others. You are the most awesome Moms and I am sending you all love and prayers on another difficult day to get through. Thank you for being such a great support and all we can do now is be grateful that we had the greatest joy of having our children in our lives. I try each day to remember my son's words when my husband's best friend passed. My son Daniel was 12 at the time, wise beyond his years, and he wrote "Those who have passed do not wish to be mourned. They wish to be celebrated." From the mouths of babes..... How prophetic that sentence has been in our lives. Although so hard, my husband and I strive to do just what he said he wanted. Celebrate their lives however you can. Ignore insensitive people who know nothing of our pain and focus on finding those who can help you through it. Who can share stories of your child. Who can just listen. I am so grateful for all of you. Hugs

Comment by Grace on May 14, 2017 at 8:06am

So I haven't posted in a very long time.  Niles died May 27, 2009... Yes it is still difficult to have birthdays and death days pass.... And Mother's Day too.... I am posting to share to you knew to this so called club that.....I am still breathing 8 years later.... Grief still lives but time softens the pain.....I still cry.... But I can push through to another day.  Life is different. It always will be. But you will breathe through some days and rejoice on other days..... Hope... I remember how I read your posts every day....and having a group to pour our sadness helps......that is why I am posting today.....so you know I am climbing this mountain..... And I want to encourage you all that you will too.....but it is the tallest mountain anyone will ever climb....and some days you need to set up camp and rest there before you can climb to the next levels....

Comment by David Blanco on May 13, 2017 at 3:26pm

Mother's Day will be hard for us, especially my wife. I got a card and a gift for her from Carli. I did that before for Carli, and she would sign the card. I will have to fill in for her. I'm sure it is what Carli would want me to do for her Mom.

Comment by Ammy on May 13, 2017 at 12:55pm

David, you are so right.  Most people don't understand because they haven't lived it.  It just isn't possible to know the extent of the loss of a child.  I understand that because I didn't understand it either until I had to experience it.
Most people don't mean to say the wrong thing, but down the road you might find some that can't or won't understand your grief lasting so long and think you should be over it.  You need to ignore those comments if they should ever come.
This is your child; a part of you.  A connection like no other.  You will always grieve your loss of her, but the intensity will lighten up gradually.  
For now you need to take it slow.  One minute at a time if necessary.  Remember to breathe deeply and to take care of yourself.  

Comment by David Blanco on May 13, 2017 at 10:35am

Thank you to all that answered my post. This pain is so horrible, but I have found it helps to talk about it with people who understand. Seems like the people closest to you, family and friends, say the wrong things. It's not to be mean or callous but because they aren't experiencing this feeling. I hope they never do...

Comment by Teresa D. on May 13, 2017 at 10:33am

Tomorrow's Mother's Day. I usually spend it depressed and I don't expect tomorrow to be much different.  I can't pull myself to say, HAPPY MOTHER's DAY, knowing all of us will feel our own sadness for the one that is missing.  But you know what? We're all still Moms and we will never stop being Moms..  So today I want to give RECOGNITION to all the MOMS!!!!!! No matter the circumstance that will always be your child just as MICHAEL will ALWAYS be my SON!!!!!!!!!! 

Comment by Teresa D. on May 13, 2017 at 10:19am

David, I'm sorry you have to join us. My heart is with you and Carli today.

I agree with Ammy, right now allow yourself to grieve but know your wife and daughter need you too. 

We all know that feeling of wanting to die because it feels the pain is so great we just can't live with it, but we can survive it because we survive it together. 

When your ready share what you need to and we will support you. 

Comment by Ammy on May 12, 2017 at 5:22pm

David, I also wish you never had to find this site.  I am so sorry for the loss of your Carli.  What you are going through is to be expected.  Your loss is so recent and there is no comfort or understanding right now.  Only pain, sadness, and lots of tears.  I wish there was a way around it, but there isn't.  Feel your grief, but don't give up.  Breathe.  You may consider seeing your doctor and explaining your feelings.  Maybe he or she can give you something to help you cope a little better.  We all know how you feel and know your pain.  We are all living through it and you can too.  Please don't do anything to harm yourself.  Give yourself some time.  Come here and let it all out if you can't do it around others.  We understand.

Comment by David Blanco on May 12, 2017 at 8:45am

I am new here, and I wish to have never been here. I lost my Carli on 4 April just 5 weeks ago. She was only 14 and had so much to live for. She was my beloved daughter and my close partner in adventure. We did so many things together and shared so many interests. I miss her so much it hurts, intensely. Even now I sob trying to write this. I was home when she did it. I found her and tried to shoot myself too just like her. I wanted to go with her and have this be another thing we would do together. Just as the gun went off a police officer pulled my hand and the bullet only grazed my head. I sometimes wish it didn't, this pain is do unbearable. I try to fight this feeling of giving up life. I consider my wife and other daughter, but it remains a struggle. I cry in her room everyday, it is so surreal. I think it is just a bad dream and I'll wake up, but reality hits me in the face. Oh Carli I miss you so much. I love you and can't wait to be with you again my beautiful girl...

Comment by Rita on May 10, 2017 at 11:33pm

I am so sorry for all of us that are here....

Teresa you certainly didn't offend me... Clergy don't always know how to handle a situation such as ours.. Some are often unsympathetic and thoughtless... Frankly besides the memorial for my Son I don't want a preacher around me right now!! They haven't made me feel any better..

Teresa enjoy your visit with your friend! Laugh, cry and act crazy! You can't do it with everybody!!

It might be nice to have a change of scenery!!

And B. for you I feel like it is a stab in your heart everywhere you go. I'm with you, it is hurtful when people can't even pronounce your child's name right.. It upsets me when people misspell my Son's name... I think "don't they know the difference in a boy Jesse and a girl Jessie!!!" That's the way I learned it in school a hundred years ago... But to those people it's just another name....

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