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Comment by Jill E on May 3, 2015 at 9:41pm

This is a picture of my son's car...there are a few pictures on FB. He won an award! He would have been so happy no he is so happy. Love you my Joshie. WYWH

Comment by Jesse's Mom on May 3, 2015 at 3:23pm

Jane, I too do not like to go out in public much and avoid this...I have had those kind of attacks you mention too...I take Lorazepam for this reason. 

I am going to be giving up my church home as well. Shortly after my son passed, some well-intentioned but very naive people there decided to invite a recently parolled murderer as some kind of redemption thing...he had murdered a 16 year old kid and now, slightly over 10 years, is out. I know the victim's family is majorly messed up. And where does this creep land, straight into my local congregation. I think the main supporters of this stupid venture are dropping big bucks into the offering or something. At any rate, I can't stand to see the man parade around in our church knowing full well, that the victim's family still suffers immensely. And these people are so out of touch with reality that they cannot figure it out. I recently resigned from my ministry position and I guess will have to eventually turn in my membership. What a strange turn of events that those who helped us are aligning themselves with this murderer, Gary Thiede. I just can't be around this situation given ours.

Comment by Rj on May 3, 2015 at 1:28pm

Hugssss!!

Comment by Dolly on May 3, 2015 at 1:20pm

and you are OURS Jill... you are so important to us... we are a family brought together by shared pain... hugs

Comment by Jill E on May 3, 2015 at 10:57am

I just can't explain the overwhelming gratitude to you all for helping my understand and praying for myself and my family.
I have been in therapy for years (bipolar) but have just started seeing my new one here. My mess have been increased some and some days I feel like they help and other days not a bit. I thank God everyday I found "this place" and all of you that has shared the worst possible event possible to a parent. You all share insight, prayers, despair, bits of joy, friendship and most of all love. Thank you for being here for me. Many, many times you are my lifeline. WYWH

Comment by Dolly on May 3, 2015 at 10:33am

I know MY dreams reflect my troubled mind... things I've always feared and things more immediate... like the possibility of the huge gas line going right along our border in the mountain.. they are supposedly filling the huge pit around the line with coal slag.. so there's the part about the slag I guess.. and my husband's friend was a high school friend and his sister always had a crush on my husband... along with about a million other girls... so that's the second part I guess... sure does mess up your sleep though.. I wake up cranky and exhausted from those stupid things...

Comment by Dolly on May 3, 2015 at 10:30am

Last night I first dreamed my husband and I were sinking in a big pit of some sort of slag and just barelly managed to escape, and then we were supposed to be getting ready for his friend's wedding and I was worried because we still weren't dressed for it and I called to see where my  husband was and was told he had taken off with an old girlfriend to visit somebody I never heard of before... so I sure hope these dreams are just my poor brain trying to deal with the fears I have in real life and not some premonition or something.. my dreams are always so weird lately....

Comment by Connie K on May 3, 2015 at 10:16am

Jill I also had a dream of my son last night. It was  a crazy dream and it is so hard to remember them and I know the feeling well of trying so hard to and to understand them , of wanting to go back to sleep and figure it all out. I don't believe your son is mad at you at all. You are dealing with all kinds of emotions and one is regret that you couldn't help your son when he was here. You are mad at yourself. As hard as it is right now, try to replace those thoughts of times when you were helping him , when there was nothing but good things between you. Like Dolly says in her sweet prayer, he is okay and loves you and that is all that is real. The love between you two - the eternal cord - remains forever and I believe that is what he feels for you and wants for you - just as that is what you want for him. Peace to you all today

Comment by Rj on May 3, 2015 at 9:41am

Amen Dolly....

Comment by Rj on May 3, 2015 at 9:40am

I have not hit the 6 month mark where some say the edges may soften by a fraction but i sure can relate to all the symptoms listed and being stuck in the complicated grief part.
http://www.complicatedgrief.org/bereavement/how-to-recognize-compli...

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