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Comment by Rj on May 7, 2015 at 8:30pm

I need to be honest... I need to control my drinking. I have never been a big drinker but i find myself hitting the drive thru mire than i ever have

Comment by Connie K on May 7, 2015 at 7:46pm

Jill - my moments are when I imagine his head hitting that steel beam and being trapped in that twisted car. My solace is that I do believe he died instantly. All of our circumstances are so tragic and traumatic. We have to give ourselves credit for getting through each day - with a little help from our friends here!

Comment by Jill E on May 7, 2015 at 7:16pm

Thank you Connie and your story was amazing and made me smile. Such an amazing gift you received. Thank goodness that today is almost over. The 5 month mark. How did I live this long without him? I hate it so much when my mind flashes on him lying in that hospital bed, taking his last breath... It comes so unexpectedly. Sometimes so random for no reason that I double over in pain. This is just so unfair...unfair to all of us. I can't find sense in this. We did not deserve this pain...our children should have had long full lives. How can they be gone? They were just here...

Comment by Rj on May 7, 2015 at 5:29pm

Connie, what a great story! Daniel made you a rock star for the day! Just like our boys to sneak up on us when we least expect it. Still waiting on my visit from larry but i know it will come, and many more. We will get thru sunday ladies. I have you all in my heart and prayers, as always.

Comment by Dolly on May 7, 2015 at 3:38pm

another Thursday...

Comment by Connie K on May 7, 2015 at 3:29pm

Jill - no doubt when you drive that car, Joshie will be right beside you! I was asked to play the djembe drum in my ashrama choir last week because our regular percussionist wasn't there. Now I'm no percussionist but I can keep a beat so I said I would give it a try. My Daniel was a drummer. I swear that when i played that drum, it was him playing it through me. I felt like we had a date. I played really well and everyone said "Well now that we know you can play drums...." Wow guys, I've never played a drum that good.  It felt like my fingers were not my own. They were moving almost like I was shaking. I am so grateful I feel his spirit with me in times like that and it still blows my mind. Thank you my sweet boy for that visit. As you all know it is impossible to say how much I miss him. I will be traveling on Mother's Day and sent my mom a gift. Hopefully, I won't notice the day too much.  But I am thankful that I still have my mom. She is 85 and she sent me a gift in honor of Daniel - a donation to a group that provides support to families with children who have chronic illness. I'm so touched that she makes the effort to always remember him and my feelings.

Sending much Love to everyone here and hope and pray we all have the strength to get through another difficult day.

Comment by Sharon on May 7, 2015 at 2:59pm

Dolly,

I agree, Mother's day sucks. My mother died a year ago, my father died a month ago, and my son 3 months ago. Just thinking about Sunday is giving me anxiety. I remember last year my son Troy brought me the most beautiful flowers.  I guess those memories will have to last me a lifetime.  Memories are all we have left.

Comment by Dolly on May 7, 2015 at 2:41pm

my mom has been gone a long time...  my son died right before mother's day in 2013 .. I do have other kids, and they do make an attempt, but part of me is gone forever... its not coming back because he isn't coming back.. I do love my other kids so much... and they are all blessings to me... but I still hate mother's day...

Comment by Jill E on May 7, 2015 at 2:37pm

Today is 5 months since I lost my Joshie!

My husband drove all the way to Sacramento to trade in my car and get me a VW in honor of my baby. One of Josh's passions was VWs. It is appropriate that he gets it today. He says it is a Mother's Day present. I haven't said anything but Mother's Day sucks!!!! I am going to think of it as a gift to me and Josh. We will drive all over this beautiful place together, Josh right with me.
I love you Joshie. WYWH

Comment by Rj on May 7, 2015 at 2:19pm

Will be the hardest day....but i still have my dear mother so her and i are going to escape and do something. My first thought was to just stay home and die! But larry was mamaws boy and she is full of sorrow also plus who knows if she will be around next year. I need to be thankful for her, as hard as it is, she is also my best friend and very fragile.

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