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Comment by Dolly on May 13, 2015 at 10:40am

So often since Brandon died we have had strange experiences with electronics... like we would try to play music and suddenly the speakers wouldn't work, or my husband's horn wouldn't make a single sound, or some other thing... and then later VOILA everything worked... Brandon was always all about music and loved it when we played... sometimes I think he is just letting us know he is still involved somehow...

Comment by Dolly on May 13, 2015 at 10:37am

Jill E... do you ever go to the "After Death Experiences" section of this site? I recently posted a short summary of some of the many things that have happened since Brandon died that make me feel that we are always near each other in some way on some plane of existence... I don't ask for signs but I still see them... not as many lately as I saw and felt at first right after he died, but usually around those days we all find hard.. birthdays, the day they left, Christmas and so forth... there are those who tell me its not of God but I don't believe them.. after all, if we believe in God the Bible tells us that God is always with us, and it tells us that "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" .. so If God is with me, and Brandon is with God, how can Brandon not be with me too?  Anybody got any thoughts on that?

Comment by Ammy on May 13, 2015 at 10:21am

Hello to everyone.  It has been awhile since I have commented and I hesitated to do so today.  I don't have anything specific to say except I do think of you every day and I thought of you all day on Mother's day.  This was my 5th and it was both good and sad.  I felt almost normal as my daughters finally have accepted that I'm not going to ever be who I was completely and they just filled me with love while we were together.  Later, my husband and I left for some time away at the shore (beach).  It's early in the season for beach going but it's beautiful here and quiet without the summer crowds.  So this has been the best Mother's day week so far even though my son is still in my thoughts throughout each day.  I pray those that have been here longer had moments of happiness and those that are just beginning this journey I can only send prayers.  We know how hard this is for you.  Take care of yourselves.  Sending love and blessings to all. 

Comment by Jill E on May 13, 2015 at 8:33am

I am not sure if this is a usual VW occurrence or not but as I start driving down the road yesterday I hear this "Dinging" I stopped at a light and turn off the radio and nothing start driving and there it is again. There is a light on the dash showing the seatbelt sign. Checked my seatbelt it is latched, next to me is just my purse, my very light purse. So I thought what the heck and I buckled the belt. The light went off and the dinging stopped.
My Joshie was right next to me and I had to buckle him in!!!!! I told him I was taking him all over Arizona in our Beetle!!!! I love you my Josh!!! WYWH

Comment by Dolly on May 13, 2015 at 7:54am

Comment by Dolly on May 13, 2015 at 7:52am

yes Teresa I think so too... although I never know what it will be that will break through the shell and make me spill out all over the place again... like one day we were watching a movie and the song came on 'The Shadow of Your Smile'....and it just broke me apart...

Comment by Teresa D. on May 13, 2015 at 7:31am

Dolly I think your right. I don't think it gets easier either.  I think just like you said we find ways to face it.

I think this is why as time moves on some of us become more quite. We see new people coming in the room and we want to tell them it gets better but we can't so we say nothing.

I know in the beginning many would say, "you'll learn to manage it" I couldn't understand that but I am learning to do it now.  It doesn't make the pain any less it just makes it more private.

Comment by Dolly on May 12, 2015 at 11:24pm

I tried to be happy on mother's day... my second without Brandon.. its so close to the day in May when he died that the time is doubly hard... my oldest son, his kids, and my husband and middle son Bo all helped me through the day.. but its still the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life... only losing my two granddaughters really comes close .. that was terrible too... still is... for a long time after my granddaughters died I carried baby dolls around and bought doll after doll and baby clothes.. Isabella was my first granddaughter and Lulu my third... thank God my middle granddaughter came along and my grandson..  I don't think anyone can understand the horrible pain of losing a child unless they lose a child... no other loss is like it... I think losing your soul mate must be at least as hard as losing your child, but thank God I haven't had to find that out... losing my mom and dad was very hard, but not THIS hard......... sorry mom and dad.... I keep trying to convince myself its getting easier but truly I just don't think it does.. I think we just come up with ways to face it with less gut wrenching heartbreaking anguish after time... otherwise ...

Comment by Rj on May 11, 2015 at 2:31am

Like you katherine, i wake up many times at 1 2 3 and pray the morning will hurry and come. There is no distraction from the pain and heartache.

Comment by katherine foster on May 10, 2015 at 10:14pm

I really just miss Lesly.  I've done well all day and then, as usual, it hits hard I  the evening when I don't have anything I can do to distract myself.  tears and sadness.  I will be glad for the morning because I know this dark place always passes.  but for now I am just really sad.  mother's day or not.

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