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Comment by Dolly on May 22, 2015 at 11:30am

I wonder if they celebrate birthdays in heaven... celebrating anything seems impossible since my son died... but we do try for the sake of the rest of us.. I keep hoping one day it will get easier...I used to send birthday cakes to my friends' loved ones wh had died...after Brandon died.. I stopped for awhile but would like to send one to Randy today.. hope its OK...

Comment by Rj on May 21, 2015 at 5:57pm

Angels are celebrating his birthday...i hope he and my sweet boy larry have met up by now. Oh the pain, we are lost souls just trying to find our way, i feel that way daily also.

Comment by Connie K on May 21, 2015 at 1:08pm

Happy Birthday in heaven Randy <3

Comment by Sharon on May 21, 2015 at 12:36pm

Sandy,

I am so sorry that your precious Randy is not here on his birthday. I cannot imagine how horrible this day is for you...I haven't made it that far yet on my journey.  I live close by you in Torrance. I would love to meet up with you sometime for coffee. It would be nice to talk and cry...

sharon

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on May 21, 2015 at 11:13am

It is hard to go through the days. You just go along faking that you are ok when part of us is gone. I dont know we will ever feel ok. There is no peace ever. Today is my beautiful Randys 19 birthday and i am dying inside. I feel so lost and so beyond sad. At his birthdsy last year it was so great. He had gotten out of rehab and he looked so good. I was hopeful but still scared. I still dont understsnd. I miss my baby so much. Some days the pain is unbearable. Thanks for being here everbody. Many hugs

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 20, 2015 at 12:37am

Dolly would LOVE to meet you and get together... come and be with me for some days if you can. You have my number and when you are in MA will msg you the address or after I get back on June 4th... yeah pounding my head seems the right thing to do... crying my heart out is not helping .

Comment by Dolly on May 20, 2015 at 12:11am

VASANTHI..we will be in MA in late june or early July .. please let's get together if we can... I want to give you a real hug!.... I'm so sorry you don't have someone who you can cry with and talk about your son with face to face.. if it wasn't for this room on this site I think I would just be pounding my head against the wall in some institution ... nowhere else do I dare say what I think and feel after this horrible loss... and I know what you mean about not knowing how to reassure the new people here that things will be better... they change somewhat... but better?  I'll be better when I see my son again...

Comment by Vasanthi S on May 19, 2015 at 11:31pm

Reading all the posts and feel so helpless. Like Teresa said earlier that we read and want to say comforting things like how it will all be ok but we are unable to say it because time is just driving the point home  that the loss of form ( body) of our most beloved ones is a permanent one. Maybe the transience of all life is what we need to understand and since everyone on earth is not called upon to do so maybe somewhere God felt it fit to give us this to handle.

Connie oh how I understand what you are going through and Sharon imagine the sheer bewilderment of losing so many loved ones in such a short time.

Somehow nothing seems to be fine. everything is tinged with unease. Right now I have shifted from the home I shared with my son and the pain is intense and soon I will be back to MA on june 4th. That does not offer much consolation either because I have not found the empathy with my husband about losing my son so recently. He is not the father of my son and has never been a parent or husband. Often he is sarcastic and while earlier I may not have been very distressed right now I feel things sharply and guess am oversensitive to anything near criticism. Sometimes loving sometimes down right rude leaves me with unease as there is no predictability in him. Just feel very uneasy about any decision I have taken.

I share here because all my friends here can relate and while we have different experiences at different times we are walking a thorny path together.

My mother too who is quite old now seems to be very angry and erratic in her moods. My parents will soon shift this 27th and in many many ways Since I moved I feel a great relief at being alone. By evenings I feel so low and lonely though and have to really work at somehow being upbeat at least in front of others... just very tired trying to be nice to people who often do not deserve it. the other day I messaged a friend whom i had worked with and had not spoken to for a long time and somehow she felt that since I changed my life situation of not being completely alone and had got married that I am enjoying myself which anyway if I do too what is anyones problem. I just got a cryptic message saying, ' enjoy yourself' !!! 

Well the complaints are endless.. just love and hugs to all here 

Comment by Sharon on May 19, 2015 at 9:41pm

Anyone read any good books that were comforting? I read "growing up in heaven" by James VanPraagh that seemed to help a little. I so wish I knew that my son was okay and happy...

Comment by Jill E on May 18, 2015 at 10:29pm

Josh worked with a Animal Rescue Group and his 3 dogs were rescued. My daughter-in-law has them and I pray my Grand-dogs are ok. My dogs are my best friends. I can't even imagine losing one of them.
Dolly I am so sorry about your pets. They help us remember times with our children. They are my biggest comfort, next to my son Derek.

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